Monday, May 7, 2007

I Feel So Guilty


That's me above!!! It's so nice feeling safe. I feel all snug as a bug:)

So, I have taken all of your advice and am making the blog private at least for now. I feel so guilty that I have duped readers on manifestmydesire[dot]blogspot[dot]com. I'm getting so much love from my community and it's a lie -- hopefully soon I will be preggers and I'd love to have twins.

I'll be honest, the troll (unsuitablegal[dot!]blogspot[dot!]com) really does scare me. I don't have any idea how she (I think it's a she) found out my real name. I think this is the same bitch who had a blog hating me (myhusbandismylife[dot!]blogspot[dot!]com). The writing style is very similar. She ended up taking that blog down. Then the bitch came back with a vengeance finding out my real name and outing me along with other SM folks. I've been dealing with the same fucking troll for almost a year now. Who the hell hates so much??? It's seriously psychotic. I thought about making my old blog private, but my fear was that it would anger her. And she would either a)try to hack in or b)vent her anger by trying to dig up more information about me. Maybe I'm being crazy. My biggest fear is that she would try to embarrass my husband. Hubby works way to hard to have to deal with idiotic hateful bullshit at work. So I weighed the risks and decided to fuck it all and start fresh.

It wasn't hard for me to let all of you know that I have a new blog. But I hate being so suspicious and always wondering if someone has an ulterior motive, just trying to get personal info out of me. There were many readers who I was suspicious of, not because of anything they did, but because of this situation with the troll's blog. If I didn't feel 100% safe about a reader, I just didn't email them.

The reason I made up the pregnancy lie:
  1. It's believable. I think it's probably the only reason I'd leave blogging. Not wanting to deal with hate or trolls in a delicate pregnant state
  2. I believe in the Law of Attractions. Writing that blog post made me believe that I was pregnant. If I believe I am pregnant or will be pregnant -- I will attract pregnancy. It doesn't hurt!
So, if any of you know someone who reads my blog and is non-sketch, let me know! Cheers to safe blogging!

16 comments:

Chic Mommy said...

Wow! You. Are. Hot! But I always knew you were from your writing. Love the concept of the private blog, I'm tinkering with the idea too.

Congrats on the new site!!!!!

And don't worry, a hot girl like you is sure to become a hot mama soon. I'll keep praying for you. :)

Trollerboi said...

I went on "her" web site through anna's flickr log and ... it was just horrifying. the hate is palpable and the words are cruel beyond belief. Who can be as angry as that? For what!??
It just boggles the mind. it's not unsuitablegirl but unstablegirl if anything. I agree with you that this isnt worth it.

That said. glad to meet you - You look gorgeous - and I'm humming boney M - Brown girl in the ring tralalala. :-)
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/b/boney+m./brown+girl+in+the+ring_20022500.html

Esha said...

Who gets pleasure from fucking with someone's blog?? Anyways, it's good to have you back! I was totally bummed that you were leaving while I was super excited you were preggers. Anyways, I pray it'll happen soon for you! :)

Melanie said...

Wow, that is really scary. I'm glad I'm not that popular ... but even I have received a random message on myspace for things I've posted on LJ. Well, I don't blame you. Congratulations anyway, in advance, for the baby that the cosmic is bringing you soon!

Just FYI, my wedding is 11/8/08 and I would love it if you guys could make it out to CT for that. There's some info. about it at nekobrookes on LJ, if you're ever bored. :P

maya said...

I'm glad that i'm still going to be able to read you...

But dammit BG, i was so happy to hear about the twins--hurry up and have Tubby and Bubby already! I drove my hubby nuts yesterday by talking about nothing but twins all evening long :)

love and good thoughts!

brown sugar said...

Thanks for inviting me to continue to read your blog :-). You did have me going with the twins story-good job! Here's to more stories from you!

Chai said...

jebus, what an effing story. and i knew what you looked like, but just to add to the sugar, you are beautiful. :)

safe space, safe place, safe person.

Ganesh said...

the unsuitable gal blog is really disturbing. my guess is that she (if it is a she) really wants to be a snarky perez hilton-type and has a bone to pick with ANNA and the SM bloggers. i really do think many of the commenters on her blog are from her to prop herself up.

no one should have their anonymity infringed on. for some of us, there are real world professional costs, which sucks. sorry for my rant, but while reading her blog, i had images of the photos of my family on my site being used inappropriately or some of my long essays being mocked. it was a disturbing feeling.

thanks for including me in this! and that picture is great. you're very beautiful.

Bengali Chick said...

I'm so glad all of you are here on my new secret blog. Having my community really makes me joyously happy.

Thank you for the compliments. You guys are making me blush!!

Tiffany said...

omg you are so beautiful!!!!!! :) it is so wonderful having a face to go with the person!

also, i am thrilled that you decided to go private.

like many of your other readers, i went in to view that hater's website and i think i mentioned it earlier...i couldn't even take two minutes of it. unfounded hate just makes me sad. if this person wants to hate on someone, hate on the people (like the couple i posted about on my blog) who commit horrific acts.

now you are safely tucked within a cocoon of friends you can trust. i'll toast to that! woo! :)

Shauna said...

I feel honored to be invited. Please don't pay much attention. I had a troll for over a year as well, and that's why I switched to not allowing anonymous comments. some people put all their energy into hating, and that's what they receive back.

All thoughs for pregnancy soon. Actually, send some my way too!

Zed-tastic said...

sizzling!! you look just like the happy, breezy, beautiful girl i pictured :D
yeah, your troll is seriously disturbing. good idea with going private and the pregnancy story. the pregnancy will happen soon enough and you needed to throw off the troll. sorry about the mess you have to go through there. awful stuff.
i do feel like i'm somewhere warm and safe :D

Ennis said...

It might well be your stalker, who for some reason has decided to go even larger.

BTW, dear readers, WOULD YOU PLEASE NOT VISIT THE BLOG? And especially, DON'T LINK TO IT!

This horrible person is feeding off our attention. If nobody looks, they might get bored, but if they see their traffic spike they'll keep going.

Ani - why would somebody know your maiden name but not your married name?

Bengali Chick said...

I definitely agree -- no reason to give this troll a big head with increased traffic... it's what the bitch thrives off of.

Ennis: I don't understand why she has my maiden name and not my married name. If you do a search for my maiden name and my husband's first name (which she clearly has) my new married name pops up on the web. I'm assuming that she guessed where I went to lawschool by reading my posts and did a search for "anita" on the law school website.

Perhaps the troll didn't dig any deepers. Which is the reason I quit my other blog. The last thing I wanted was a post with my husband's full name and his law firm.

IslandGirl said...

Eeeek!! That is some serious madness. Sorry that you had to go to such lengths. Thanks for the invite!

Amardeep said...

I'm glad you made this decision, and also glad you'll be continuing to blog despite the "Hater."

ZONKERS, refound my blog (THIS blog) from 2005

Wow, it's cringe worthy in all of its honest glory.  I am in the middle of re-reading almost 500 posts.  It's awesome to relive most...