Thursday, May 17, 2007

Last Kiss

I don't remember the last time I really smooched my baby. Hubby has been working insane hours lately. When he gets home in the wee hours of the morning I am usually asleep. I have been so exhausted this week, probably b/c Aunt Flo is just around the corner. I kinda remember him kissing me last night when he got home. I wake up crazy early (uhm 6:50 AM is crazy early for me) to be at work at 7:30 AM and hubby is always asleep. Our work hours clearly don't jive. I kissed him softly this morning and he smiled in his sleep. I want to smooch my baby when both of us are awake!

I don't want to make hubby feel guilty. One of the reasons that I really admire my husband is because he honestly loves his job. He's doing what he loves and I envy him. I don't get it. His work bores me to tears. I would stab myself in the eye repeatedly if I had his job!

It's 11 PM and I'm tired. I want to stay awake for him. I hate going to sleep when he's not by my side. My worst fear is that I'll wake up from my sleep and find that some tragedy has taken away my husband. It happens all the time. Maybe this is just my silly fear(but not so silly b/c the tragedy of losing a loved one happens daily for someone). When I think about never kissing him again -- I feel like I can't breathe.

Okay now I'm officially sad. I made myself sad. Lovely. PMS is a wonderful bag of emotional surprises, ain't it? It's time for a nice long cry.

5 comments:

Janeofalltrades said...

Actually I stress over never seeing him again everyday. He drives around all day for work and is in the car from morning to night and it freaks me out to think he's driving around in NYC traffic especially says when he's tired.

He fell asleep at the wheel when he was doing his residency and had a bad accident and ever since I learnt that I am freaked out by that knowledge.

This week he's away on business and I'm going out of my mind seriously just pining for him and I'm a little amused and annoyed by that notion or my ability to feel it all at once :-)

bengali chick said...

I so hear you. That's the crazy thing about love -- it makes you so vulnerable it's crippling. I always freak out when he's driving home tired. I HATE IT.

LL said...

I've noticed that I've become way more of a "worst case scenario" worrier since becoming pregnant. When JP takes longer than usual to get home, instead of thinking- oh the traffic must be bad, I immediately jump to- omg, what if something happened?! If he doesn't answer his cellphone immediately, I'm well on my way to freaking out. And I used to be such a rational person...

As much as I absolutely could not imagine my life without him before, the thought of having his child without him is a thousand times harder to bear.

Esha said...

Girl you and your hubby need a vacay and some mind-blowing sex. ;)

Tiffany said...

i think truest love leaves us very vulnerable... our minds tend to drift off into the "scary place" the "what if this person were no longer in my life". i can totally relate...with mike but especially my daughter.

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