Manifest My Desire

I drew blood today. The nurse said my numbers from Monday were fantastic!!!! The beta results will be in late afternoon and they MUST double. Come on tubs, hang in there!

Hubby pulled an all-nighter at the office. He's been working for 24 hours straight at this point and it'll probably be 36 hours by the time he comes home. My poor sleepy husband immediately takes my calls no matter how deep he's buried in work. I chatted with him on the phone while I brushed my teeth:

Me: I'm tired. I went to bed late last night.
Hubby: WHAT??? You need to call out sick. You need to rest. Tubby and you need rest.

CUTE. CUTE OVERLOAD. He has been beyond adorable... I can cry thinking about how amazing of a father he is going to be.

Labels: hubby, Tubby

Posted by Oni at April 23, 2008 | Permalink | Comments

Hubby called me last night and told me that he had to pull an all nighter. I made him a special Valentine and I was dying to give it to him. I didn't make a fuss (hubby is psycho busy at work right now). I told him I loved him. I sat on the couch and listened to romantic music b/c I couldn't fall asleep without being spooned. I started feeling all gushy hearing cheesy yet sweet love songs. I heard someone rustling the locks. I knew it was hubby. I ran to the door and startled him. There he was all bleary-eyed at 1 am with a long stemmed rose and heart shaped balloon. He said, "I didn't want to miss seeing you on Valentine's Day." We stayed up until almost 3 am talking, connecting and loving.

I could not care less about fancy V-day gifts. He took time out of his busy schedule to come home and see me. He let his mountain of work pile up higher b/c he knew that V-day is important to me. More importantly, I didn't have to ask him to do anything. He just did.

This morning he called me on his way to work, like he always does, and said in his uber sexy voice, "Happy Valentine's Day buddy." He apologized for keeping me up late at night. He said, "I just missed you and wanted to spend time with you."

I'm swooning. I love and cherish this man.

Labels: hubby

Posted by Oni at February 14, 2008 | Permalink | Comments

I miss my baby. Monday night the crackbery went off in the wee hours of the morning. I heard hubby say something important to me but I was zonked out from ze sex. At 4 am I felt my buddy gently shake me awake. His bags were packed. He kissed me goodbye and jetted off for a business trip. The problem is that he may not return to my arms until mid-October.

I don't think I can handle not seeing him for so long. My brother, Shiny and Tum are visiting me this weekend. But every weekend until hubby returns, I'll be on a jet plane to see my buddy.

Labels: hubby

Posted by Oni at September 20, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

Well, life isn't stagnant and I feel that. That's a good thing, it means I'm alive. Anyhow, I'm hoping I can make some decisions soon. I'm being cryptic, yup not ready to spill the beans.






Me: i'm cracking up over here. oh my god. you are too much!


Me: i can have a gun and say bang! bang!


can i say bang bang and you say no?
Hubby: I'll do you to teach you a lesson!

Labels: career, hubby

Posted by Oni at September 18, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

Labels: hubby, love

Posted by Oni at September 08, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

We're always wanting for something.

My in-laws during a mid-Summer cleaning found many games and toys covered in dust. They realized, many years too late, that it was time to donate games like the teenage mutant ninja turtles puzzles to the Goodwill because their boys had all grown up. My MIL looked nostalgic as she told me, "it was just yesterday that they were running around the house... how quickly they grow up." I looked at my husband, his head nestling my bosom, and I realized how quickly almost 3 years of marriage has passed by. I was completely overcome with emotion.

Something inside of me changed. I want kids but I don't need them. I need my husband. This man has made an impression in my heart that makes my soul ache when he's not near. I know -- overly sappy and overly emotional. I can't help but feel this way. I am blessed beyond blessed for having my husband in my life. I never thought it was possible to love another human being so completely.

During this battle with trying to get pregnant, many times I feel as if God has abandoned me. I cry out, "woe is me, why oh why won't you give me a child?" God has given me something quite precious. I can't compare a husband to a child, I don't have to. I am simply grateful for what I have.

It's 1:35 AM and I can't sleep. Hubby flew out last minute, cutting his vacation short, for a business trip in NYC. Oh how I miss his face. I just want to kiss him one more time. Hug him. Cuddle him. Fall asleep with my head on his chest.

My heart feels like it's about to burst. And I'm happy in my sorrow.

Labels: hubby, love

Posted by Oni at July 21, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

According to baby-making sex, unfortunately, missionary style is the best position to conceive. The problem is I cum from being on top. I need to be on top so that I control the friction of the dickens inside by gyrating my hips. Sure I've cum from missionary or doggie style, but me on top is guaranteed mind-blowing orgasm. The sacrifices I make for tubby.

Yesterday was a shit-fest of a day. I needed a release. When hubby came home I climbed on top of him. I needed to O from a dickens! Luckily I came at the same time hubby came. Generally hubby is great at holding off on ejaculating, but I've become a sperm-nazi. He's not allowed to masturbate. He no longer gets head. All baby batter must be inside of me. Trust me, if I could pregnant by giving head, I'd have TMJ by now.

So I slowly slid off hubby squeezing my vagina as tightly as I could (to not lose spermies). I elevated my hips and then passed out. As soon as I got out of bed this morning, all of the cum ran down my legs. When we have morning sex in the missionary position, I lay down for 30 minutes to let the spermies get to the desired location and I hop out of bed. I barely lose any spermies. Not like the gush this freaking morning -- sperm flood.

What the fuck? Aren't the orgasms supposed to contract my vaginal walls and suck up the sperm? This kid isn't even born yet and s/he's already ruining my sex life!

Labels: fertility, hubby, sex

Posted by Oni at May 30, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

I think a lot of men assume that romance = spending money. Not so my friends. Romance is taking the time/consideration to show that special someone that you care. It's not about flowers and diamonds and spending money. Bling bling don't necessarily mean a thang.

Labels: hubby, love

Posted by Oni at May 17, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

I don't remember the last time I really smooched my baby. Hubby has been working insane hours lately. When he gets home in the wee hours of the morning I am usually asleep. I have been so exhausted this week, probably b/c Aunt Flo is just around the corner. I kinda remember him kissing me last night when he got home. I wake up crazy early (uhm 6:50 AM is crazy early for me) to be at work at 7:30 AM and hubby is always asleep. Our work hours clearly don't jive. I kissed him softly this morning and he smiled in his sleep. I want to smooch my baby when both of us are awake!

I don't want to make hubby feel guilty. One of the reasons that I really admire my husband is because he honestly loves his job. He's doing what he loves and I envy him. I don't get it. His work bores me to tears. I would stab myself in the eye repeatedly if I had his job!

It's 11 PM and I'm tired. I want to stay awake for him. I hate going to sleep when he's not by my side. My worst fear is that I'll wake up from my sleep and find that some tragedy has taken away my husband. It happens all the time. Maybe this is just my silly fear(but not so silly b/c the tragedy of losing a loved one happens daily for someone). When I think about never kissing him again -- I feel like I can't breathe.

Okay now I'm officially sad. I made myself sad. Lovely. PMS is a wonderful bag of emotional surprises, ain't it? It's time for a nice long cry.

Labels: hubby, love

Posted by Oni at May 17, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

Labels: hubby, love

Posted by Oni at April 27, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

I encountered a girl (aka suitable girl) that hubby had gone on one date with a few months before he met me. She is like hubby in many ways: Ivy-league educated, Punjabi, Sikh, and from the Bay (she would have made my in-laws cream). I'm public school educated, Bengali, Catholic and from Patheticut (PT). I asked him why he never called suitable girl for a second date.

Hubby replied, "She was crazy."

He gave me a few examples of this chic's craziness -- nothing was crazy, she was completely normal. I reminded hubby that none of the examples of suitable girl's craziness compared to my craziness. I gently reminded hubby that I sent him a questionnaire, when I didn't really know him, asking things like 1.) have you ever bitten off your toe nails with your teeth 2.) has anyone wrapped their lips around your Punjabi penis 3.) [use your imagination as the questions got much more interesting.] For a second I was upset, did hubby not believe that I am a crazy Bengali chick bubbling with quirks and eccentricities? Hubby quickly assured me that he has never encountered anyone quite as interesting as me. Good.

So I asked hubby, "So obviously it wasn't the fact that this chic was crazy. Damnit you know you like crazy. You married crazy and you f*cking love that sh*t. Why did I tickle your fancy? Why did you pursue a relationship with me and never call suitable girl for a second date?"

Hubby said to me, "You're unbelievably hot and she's not. Bottom line."

I'm not denying the fact that I'm a hot brownie, I clean up purdy good. This just doesn't sit well with me. Are men that shallow? Did hubby want to get to know me b/c he thought I was hot? Suitable girl is not ugly, she's a 6.5-7 on the looks-meter. Does hotness make that much of a difference?

I don't think so. Here's my theory -- Hubby pursued me b/c he found himself a bowl of crazy and he wanted to double dip as much as possible. How do I say this... my husband appears from the outside to like vanilla ice cream but he secretly wants bubble-gum, pistachio, fig, cherry garcia, mocha, mango, chunky monkey, cake batter and chubby hubby flavor ice-cream all in one attractively packaged container. I gots those flavors.

Labels: hubby, men, relationship, sex

Posted by Oni at April 11, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

I've been so emotional all weekend.

• Friday: Cranky.
  
• Saturday: Emotionally fragile...everything upset me.
• Sunday AM: I found my husband more irresistible than I usually do (which is damn near impossible). We visited hubby's family and I could not contain myself(he was just so f*cking hawt), I pulled dragged hubby into a guest bedroom for a 5 minute quickie, fixed the sheets and headed back to the family.
• Sunday PM: My heart ached b/c hubby left for Cali. I felt depressed. And finally, I read this post and cried my eyes out (bawling crying)
  

This weekend was emotionally exhausting. My cry was intensely cathartic.

Labels: emotions, hubby

Posted by Oni at March 25, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

I am doing the happy dance in my hotel room and singing, "la la la la la la la la la hubby is coming yay yay yay yay." Hubby will be in San Antonio at 11 PM tonight. I have missed him like crazy. It's hard for me to fall asleep without having him to spoon me. We're spooners. He's the big spoon and I'm the little spoon. This little spoon hasn't been able to go to sleep until 3 AM every night because she misses her big spoon. I know, this love stuff makes me sappy and sweet like a big scoop of bubblegum ice cream with marshmallows, chocolate fudge and sprinkles.

I'm counting down the minutes until 11 PM! [Squealing]

Labels: hubby

Posted by Oni at March 22, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

This blogger wrote a post on anti-game. I loved it. Her post reminded me of the following story about hubby.

I was hubby's editor. I had never met him. I was immediately attracted to his words and had a crush on him. I found this man to be intelligent, articulate and witty. My friend AK, the Editor-in-Chief, said to me, "uhm Bengali Chick, look at his resume, I bet you he's some short and pimply Indian guy. A nerd. Seriously, probably not your type." [Forgive my awful paraphrase AK.] Still, I was always looking for an excuse to email hubby, my favorite author, about a footnote problem.

Luck had it that AK and I were in the same city as hubby for Spring Break. We threw a party and decided that I would cook a Bengali feast for friends. I had the perfect excuse to invite over hubby to our party, to go over his article after the party of course. I invited him and he came. I found out later that I too had peeked hubby's interest. He was curious about my Latina name. We had never met in person or seen pics.

The doorbell rang and AK went to answer the door. I was wearing a mini skirt, a fitted tank top and platform sandals. My head was in the stove checking on the basmati rice and only my ass and legs were visible. I discovered that hubby was in the kitchen as soon as I closed the oven door. He was not a short, pimply or nerdy looking Indian guy. Effing unbelievably hawt stuff...of course I thought, "sh*t, do I look greasy from all of this cooking?" I tried to talk to him all night but he played coy. After the party I finally got an opportunity to sit next to him. His voice was sweet and sincere. He didn't talk about himself or boast about his accomplishments. He was completely down to earth and mellow. My little author was a shy cutie.

Fast forward a few months....

AK and I moved to the Bay. Hubby and I had not spoken in this time period. I got caught up with finals and packing, plus his article had been published, I no longer had the footnotes excuse. I did add hubby to my Friendster page. AK and I called up hubby to hang out on a Friday night, soon after we moved to the Bay. AK and I hung out with hubby and 2 of his buddies. The night ended with holding hands and a Punjabi tongue in my mouth.

The next day I went to Williams-Sonoma with AK in San Francisco. Hubby called me. No games. This is what he said, "I really enjoyed spending time with you last night. I hope I didn't monopolize your time." He had me at "monopolize."

That to me my friends is anti-game.

Labels: anti-game, hubby

Posted by Oni at March 21, 2007 | Permalink | Comments