Well I hope that I am pregnant b/c hubby hasn’t gotten home before midnight this week which means we aren’t shagging. In fact, he didn’t come home at all last night. Is this the first of many?
He called me several times to say”hi” and give me his eta. He called last night around 9 PM, 11 PM, 2 AM, 6 AM and 10:30 AM. Each time, he thought he would be able to leave the office, however more work kept piling up.I’m not mad at him but I am concerned. While I respect the fact that hubby loves his job and is paying his dues to get ahead professionally, I don’t find this workaholism to be the least bit healthy. I believe in a more balanced life style (40-hour work week, vacations, time to socialize with friends and family). Is my way of thinking outdated in today’s corporate America?
With hubby’s schedule, almost all of the household duties fall upon me and there is little doubt that the same will apply to child rearing. As a professional woman, who has opted out of a rat race job, I feel pressured to change b/c I make less money, be the flexible one in this marriage and willingly play dual roles of full time working woman and housewife. Will this balance keep me sane when full time mom is thrown into the mix or will I need to opt out of the traditional workforce to cater to this new life?
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11 comments:
that's really tough! while big firms aren't known for their "lifestyle" hours, generally the seemingly unending work days following an ebb and flow...but the inevitability is that he'll never have a predictable schedule for you to rely upon. i hope you can find some acceptable resolution which doesn't require you to sacrifice and bend over backwards all the time.
my fiance and i are experiencing a similar problem but in reverse. i'm the one with the long hours who is never around and this will continue after we're married. i don't know how women who have incredibly demanding professional careers juggle everything.
Seriously, if it really, really bothers you, the continual optimism isn't going to tide you over. He's going to have to listen to your concerns on this one, because you HAVE been supportive, and if it continues like this, I wouldn't blame you to getting to the end of your rope. You're a great wife, and you're always there for him, but you and he both know that you're not going to be happy with him as the only one pursuing his dreams. You have a very respectful relationship and I think it's time you address all of these things with him, from the bottom of your heart. If anyone is listening, it's him.
BC -- i'm not sure how old you and hubby are, but i'm guessing somewhere around my age (late 20s). lately, i feel like i've been reading a LOT of blogs by married women aged 25-35 who are writing about their husbands' terrible work schedules and habits. i also have 3 married/engaged friends who are seeing their partners less frequently these days ... then i had brunch with a 42 y.o. divorced friend who told me that men go through this ugly phase around 30 where they feel pressure to advance their careers, pour themselves into their work, and ignore everything else in their lives. though i don't believe in those kinds of generalizations, from everything i've been hearing lately, seems like she might have a point!
Every time I complain about my job or the hours, my mom tells me to "quit and make a baby" - I wish life was so black and white =)
unfortunately, i feel you.
unfortunately, I feel you too!!
I hope things get better...I know you are feeling a little down lately...but chin up charlie...when he gets home, jump him and make a baby!! Okay, that won't solve everything...but hopefully you can talk to him about everything and you can reach a common ground...so that when the little Bengali Baby comes, it's daddy can be around more!!
As a woman who works at a large law firm doing M&A work, I can tell you that it is not going to get better. He chose to marry you and he is also choosing to have a family with you. Yes, career is important, but some choices are going to have to be made if he wants to have it all as well. (A great option is going in house after 7-8 years!)
my husband is currently working his tail off, trying to excel in his career. he works late, works weekends, and sometimes stays out all night. i am currently preggo. being preggo, i need more support, help, love and affection than i have ever required in the past. if you are preggo, you will need him. yes, career is important, but so are you and his little bun-in-the-oven. hopefully, he will be able to take time to take care of you.
hmmm-- this sounds familiar, i wonder where? oh yeah, my life is like that too. my hubby hasn't been out that late, but 2 weeks of long work hours plus school has made him barely functional. it's no fun.
i have only empathy for you, BC.
I know a young married couple who went through some tough early years because of some health issues the wife had to deal with. They gave me a great pearl of wisdom with respect to life partnership.
"Marriage averages out to a 50-50 relationship, but on a day-to-day basis it's never 50-50. It's 80-20. Sometimes you're giving the 80, and sometimes you're giving the 20."
From your description, it seems like right now you're putting the 80 into the relationship. It's not sustainable and I'm sure your husband understands that, so you should probably have a frank and honest discussion sooner rather than later.
Then again, what the hell do I know? I'm not married. So please, take this "advice" with a huge grain of salt.
Thanks for this entry on your blog. I really needed to hear that I'm not alone... its been a tough lonely week.
Be grateful that at least in a 24hour period he does come home. I have signed up to seeing my husband 3/7 days, in different time zones where we barely get to talk. This after being married for only a year where we had only 5 weeks alone to ourselves.
I wish you the best in getting pregnant, and yes as you make him aware of his responsibities at home let me know what works :).
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