Manifest My Desire

I have an addiction to Jamba Juice Enlightened Smoothies. They’re delicious – no added sugar and totally low in calories. I love them all – all time favorite is mango mantra with mango juice. I can get a gi-normous smoothie for less than 300 calories. What a fab lunch to stay West la la land skinny-minny (yes I’m thin and no I don’t want to be plump – I don’t care if it’s politically incorrect and I don’t care if that’s anti-feminist – BITE me). Am I fantasizing? I luuuuuuuuuurve them. Hiccupping with glee.

Posted by Oni at May 31, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

Okay -- I am seriously considering being preggers in early 2007. I don’t want to be bored out of my mind at home. I was inspired out of the blue to start volunteering and one thing led to another – I am a bit psycho and can go research crazy – well my curiosity in volunteering led me to CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate).

Here’s the down low from Craigslist:

ADVOCATE FOR AN ABUSED CHILD IN FOSTER CARE
CASA of Los Angeles is currently recruiting Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) volunteers. Trained volunteers investigate the circumstances of children who have been removed from their homes due to abuse or neglect and placed in protective custody. CASA volunteers advocate for the best interest of foster children both in court and in the community.

I would love to volunteer with CASA and dedicate my energy to such an awesome organization. This is the best of both worlds – stay at home raise baby BUT still feel like I’m contributing outside the home. I know – this is in the future.. call me kookie.... I just don't want to become a typical West L.A. housewife -- too much of SF in me.

Posted by Oni at May 31, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

I want to volunteer – doing something fun and rewarding. That points me in one direction – the arts. I sent emails and resume to a bunch of places. It feels like applying for an effing job – why the hell do they need a cover letter? Jeez!!!! What’s the next – a round of interviews?

This is probably all inspired by the fact that I’m a government slave. I’ve been working mad hours. I get cranky when I don’t get home early enough to make dinner – cooking is my salvation. Oy, what am I the spokeswoman for Good Housekeeping – or better yet for Housewives throughout America.

Posted by Oni at May 31, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

I am no makeup snob. I’m a practical girl. I have already spoken at length regarding my favorite foundation and powder made by Bare Escentuals. I don’t usually carry the mineral veil powder by Bare Escentuals in my purse b/c it’s loose and not easy to carry – you get what I’m saying. So last night I went to Target and my shopping buddy suggest I buy a mineral wear translucent powder by Physician’s Formula. The compact is super cute and I like the brush that comes with it. It gets the job done – covers shine and it easily fits in my purse.

While I love Korres – I’m trying to be fiscally wise – I am a cheap ass (always looking for a good deal) – I just didn’t want to spend the money on my usual milk protein facial cleanser. So one again shopping buddy made a great suggestion -- Nivea Gentle Cleansing Cream. It got rid of all my makeup but it’s soap free and very gently on the face (meaning it won’t strip your face of moisture).

All and all – a great shopping experience at Target.

Posted by Oni at May 25, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

A million thanks to this spectacular lady (a tech guru apparently) who tweaked this template and made it gorgeous. I love my template. Having a beautiful blog inspires me to write. I’m feeling all special and shiny right now. Yay!! Yippeee!!!

Posted by Oni at May 25, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

I am a f***ing moron. That's the best way to put it. This post might make some laugh out loud because I had a Jerry Seinfeld moment at work yesterday. It's around 4:30 PM and my friend T (she works in my office) calls me and tells me she met a man in Vegas – a 57 year old man (the girl is 26). She tells me she'll be in my office in 10 minutes. I send her a silly email:

Title: Dying of Anticipation
Subject: I am literally dying right now in my office eagerly waiting for you. My supervisor is gone -- so coast is totally clear. I'll be photocopying .. Waiting for the 411.

I press send, in the corner of my eye I see that the email was sent to my supervisor instead. PANIC – MAD PANIC over takes me. What the F do I do now? The scheming starts. I make mad phone calls to colleagues – bugging out. I have 3 fellow colleagues in my office and another one on conference call. Here are a few of the ideas that my colleagues came up with: break the computer (uhmm hello it's government property and the message was sent over email), break the computer password and get into her system (once again I don't want to go to jail and when the hell did I become some sort of brilliant code breaker), and finally the brilliant comment – bombard her email with recall's. If you didn't know – you can recall messages on Microsoft Outlook. You simply click "Recall Message." Once you hit recall the recipient gets 2 emails: one being the recall email and the second being the email that would screw me over. The problem is, if my supervisor clicks the "evil" email first – my goose is cooked b/c the recall willfail. We decide if we bombard her inbox with recall messages then she'll most likely click one of the many recalls.

I go home – after all the scheming and tell my husband how clearly stupid I am and he just laughs at me like a hysterical hyena. Obviously I need an alternate plan in case the recall fails – the email was shady as hell and she would ask me questions if the recall failed. The scheming starts again – this time with various friends on my cell. I finally come up with a good one. It was T's last day of work – she's going to the Downtown LA office – and we have a meeting today at work (one of our huge official meetings) – I decide if asked by mysupervisor I will tell her that T was giving me a gift certificate for our local bakery and I was going to buy pastries for our meeting as a surprise (hey I was desperate and this was the best excuse I could come up with). You better believe I got up as early as hell this morning and brought in a box of pastries. I log onto my email – heart pounding and sweat dripping down my forehead – praying to JC that all will be well and I open my inbox. Nothing has made me happier than seeing "message recall successful."

I am a complete idiot. A lucky one at that.

Posted by Oni at May 23, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

Ever have those weeks where you can’t get out of bed early…and you just look gross? Well that was my week all week. I kept rolling out of bed around 7:30 (granted I have to be at work by 8:30 and need to drive through LA traffic). I didn’t want to take the time to pick outfits – so I wore black all week (frumpy black mind you). Hair in a ponytail. Couldn’t even think about putting on contacts. Brushed my teeth. Put on some moisturizer and out the door I went in a matter of 5 minutes. I felt so blah and big time fugly. I looked tired, felt tired, and ultimately felt cranky (granted I am having the period from hell).

I kept complaining to hubby yesterday how disgusting I looked. I decided to get a pedicure (it solves many of my problems). All the rage has been these French tip pedicures which look ultra cute. I justified I needed one b/c living in LA and it being awfully hot -- my toes need to breathe in open toed shoes. My feet are ultra adorable right now. So this morning – while hubby tried to keep me in bed – I jumped out of bed and headed for the shower around at 6:30. I actually took the time to get ready. I am wearing a skirt (not black – pretty spring colors), hair is down, contacts on, face polished – I feel radiant and look sexy as hell.

Little things in life – like not looking nasty – can make me feel so good. Who knew? I am so jealous of women who can get their act together everyday.

Posted by Oni at May 19, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

This movie was proactive. It made you think, cry, feel utter horror, shame, so many emotions that I can not put into words.

In a brief few words it’s about the gang rape of a little girl after her first period in a village in India in the name of religion. Here’s an excerpt from a review for this movie found on this site:

The actors did so well in the story, especially the child actors in
the role of Maya and Sanjay, that you could not help being deeply affected by the film. Shot in sepia tones, the film brings to the audience the whimsy of rural life in South India, from the perspective of a well-to-do family, but the same whimsy turns into horror. Although these practices are not very common in the educated strata of Indian society, by choosing to make Maya's family an educated lot it seems that the director was trying to hit the message harder - that this is not a piece of fiction, but a gruesome reality. The fact that this is not merely yet another appalling ritual of India was evident from the director's strong message at the end of the film - 'Child abuse is not a cultural phenomena, nor it is bound by region.'

I still shudder, at times, when the stark image of four men who use
religion and illiteracy to rape a girl barely in her teens, and the mass of people who consider it a part of everyday reality, creeps up in my mind. As far as I know, no scripture sanctions such actions. They are just cultural practices created by man in an attempt to exercise sexual, and by extension, patriarchal control. Hopefully movies like these will bring these issues to light, no matter how sickening they are to watch, and some public action will be taken.

Posted by Oni at May 18, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

Birth control is miserable. I was on Depo for a little less then a year and got off of it b/c there were studies about Depo and osteoporosis. Then I got back on the pill – which was plain miserable. Birth control (hormonal) is perfect in one sense – it killed my sex drive and dried me out (in places that don’t like to be dry) – no sex drive means no sex which definitely means no preggers. I went to my OBGYN last fall and she suggested that I could try different types of BCP (birth control pill) but that essentially they all had the same effect – dryness and killing of my sex drive. Some girlfriends have told me that there personality was altered when they were on the Pill (well that’s just creepy).

Of course my husband, who is AMAZING, has been on me to get off of birth control for so long. He read studies and saw the side effects it might have and just simply didn’t want anything F’n with my system. I’ve been birth control free since Fall of 2005 and I love it. My sex drive has skyrocketed – my body just feels good – I feel more like a woman -- Depo took away my period for almost a year and now I’m back on my cycle.

It’s not a woman’s duty to be on birth control… and it pisses me off when my friends feel pressured b/c their committed partners BITCH about condoms. It’s your freaking dick put on a god damn condom. And no as a woman it’s not my freaking duty to be the only party responsible for getting preggers f***-face (well that’s what I want to scream at some men). Gals stand up for yourself (decide what’s right for you and your body) – don’t let your man get away with any of this bullsh*t. And hubby I adore you for encouraging me to get off birth control.

Posted by Oni at May 17, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

Last night, I was pondering the question – “why do I blog.” If I wanted to keep a diary I easily could (old school or on the computer). It’s the comments – definitely the freaking comments. I don’t consider myself an egomaniac that believes my words should be “heard.” In this world of jet setters – people moving for jobs/school/families/randomness – there really is no local community the way there used to be. I’ve moved so many times! I left the East Coast and then NoCal and now I’m in SoCal (and who knows for how long). My best buds are scattered throughout the country. I don’t know my neighbors. LA isn’t necessarily a warm, fuzzy place. And it’s freaking hard making new friends – it takes time – and then I seem to move as soon I make them. I think blogging, at least for me, is an attempt to create a community (which is desperately lacking in this society were everyone seems to be a transplant of some sort). It doesn’t matter where I move – cyberspace allows my blogging-community to always be present. So in sum, the comments make me *feel* as if I do have a community – so “hullo neighbors!”

Posted by Oni at May 16, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

“Curl Girl” is the title of a fantastic book for all you peeps with curly/wavy hair. According to this book, 65% of people have curly/wavy hair (we’re not alone out there – though both Bollywood and Hollywood seem to glorify straight hair).

Trust me I’ve thought about getting my hair permanently straightened – we’re told that curls aren’t professional – they’re too fun – and of course not sophisticated. Well this book basically says it’s not your hair that needs straightening – it’s your head. Seriously, I have curly hair and I hide from it and slave away trying to straighten out my locks – sheer craziness.

So last week I tried to research on how to get my curls to look good and all sources pointed to this book. Here are a few of the secrets:

1. Don’t ever shampoo your hair (you can clean your scalp with conditioner – shampoo is detergent and bad for scalp/hair) – I tried this and I swear by it. And no my hair does not smell. My scalp is actually clean. And no grease is not dripping down my face.
   
2. After getting out the shower do not towel dry hair – simply blot (keep the curls in shape)
   
3. My favorite advice – a simple gel (non-alcoholic and non-sticky) will suffice. Trust me when I say I have spent a ridiculous amount of money on the perfect product. Buying a $3 gel was amazing – holy sh*t I didn’t have to drop $40 for a curl cream – WOWZERS.
   
4. Techniques to get your hair to frame your face well (basically a few clips on the top of your head). I can’t describe these simple techniques – the pics in the book are fab. My hair doesn’t fall flat against my head anymore!
   
5. Air dry if you can and blow dry on low with diffuser otherwise

The book had tons more info – but this is the main “how to” gist. I have been trying for the past month to wear my hair curly. As soon as the hair dried – I hated it – it looked disgusting… and of course I would pull out my straightening iron AGAIN. This book last week was my salvation. My hair completely rocks today – bouncy, fun, full, sex-i-licious. Where’s hubby now? My hair is HOT – curls are rocking!!!!!!

Posted by Oni at May 15, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

Korres Evening Primrose Eye Cream

All organic made in Greece – feels amazing under your eyes. Reduced fine lines and dark circles (it has light refractors that seriously do diminish dark circles the moment you put it on). There are days when I wake up and I just don’t have time to get ready before I go to work. So I’ll put on some moisturizer, powder, my eye cream, mascara and lip balm and I’m out the door. This stuff is awesome it definitely brightens up your eye. And trust I tried to find other comparable more affordable products but nothing compares -- Korres rocks!

Becca Compact Concealer

Made in Australia – has SPF and is a piece of heaven. It’s got 2 sides: on the right side the concealer is creamy and perfect for under eye dark circles and the left side is a bit heavier and perfect for any blemishes. Those days where I want to be flawless… Becca under my foundation or just powder (depending on where I’m going that night).

Posted by Oni at May 12, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

This is my take on being a mother (and no I don't have kids yet and am most definitely not preggers) -- it's important for me to be home with the baby in the initial formative years and ideally I’d like to work while my child is at school. I will be the first to admit that I am incredibly lucky to have such a supportive husband who can not only financially support that decision but emotionally supports it on a daily basis. What I mean by that is it's hard to leave work --emotionally hard.. battling with inner-self when the question of "am I losing my edge.." or "but I went through so much school" or "I always thought housewives were lame" and countless other demons that enter mybrain. Having hubby say a thousand times a day -- I respect you, regardless of whether you're bringing home money and out in theworkforce, or whether you decide to stay at home and raiser our child -- is AMAZING -- well he's AMAZING simply put.

That set aside I think it would be so wonderful to have a mommy circle. Other women in my community, who form a circle and we're there to b*tch about diapers, teething, stress, boredom... AND have playgroups for the kids and the mommies. For example, this is what I have in mind-- packing up our 2 year olds and going on a nature hike -- teaching them about the ecosystem (plants, wildlife, respect for the environment) – outings to the museum – arts and crafts – ethnic foods – community service -- well you the get idea.

The problem is where do I find other mommies? I can’t very well expect all of my girlfriends to get preggers when I do and simultaneously move to LA. I don’t know if this exists – but a virtual mommy circle would be amazing – a forum to meet other mommies in the area and to sort through them via different traits – i.e. age/values/interests. The virtual mommy circle can be made into an IRL circle depending on the women’s preferences. I think it’s a good idea – hmmmm.. wonder if it already exists?

Posted by Oni at May 09, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

Call it whatever you like –
-academic types, literary types, or hells pseudo-academic types like to call it a book club
-spiritual types, believing in building community, communing with women nourishes the soul like to call it a women’s circle
-older (with the utmost respect) ladies having bake sales or anything sales like to call it a Lady’s Guild
But it’s all the same – being surrounded by women.

This post is not meant to discriminate the wonderful male sex – all I’m trying to say is that there’s something great for a woman to be in some sort of women’s group (the kind where there is no catty-ness) – you get together have a glass of wine, eat snacks, talk about life, love, work, pleasures*, conflicts, despair and share. Having that environment to commune with other women in a sacred place is so beautiful. It provides such a nourishing outlet.

I just got back from my book club and I’m riding a female high. Long live the ladies.

Posted by Oni at May 08, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

For all the brown people in the house --
When I moved down to SoCal I immediately investigated non-chalky moisturizers with SPF. Come now, no gal wants fine lines if it’s avoidable AND the sun is a killer when it comes to aging. Everything I found that had SPF 30 made my face chalky (probably b/c I’m brown). My husband saw me with my Eucerin SPF 30 moisturizer on and he says to me, “Sweetie, you have a tint of blue-white to your face.” I ignored him, what does hubby know compared to this fashion-ista? Well….apparently a lot… I walked into Sephora shopping for mascara of course and the cosmetic girl says to me, “Sweetie, are you wearing SPF b/c your face has a blue-hue.” I was so embarrassed – I am a moronic-fashionista. This is when I diligently researched (only if I had put in this type of energy into the Bar Exam)… I didn’t want to spend a fortune b/c I already have fab moisturizers which cost a fortune. After several trips to Sephora/Rite Aid/Walgreesn… dragging hubby in tote I discovered Neutrogena Healthy Defense Daily Moisturizer, Light Tint, SPF 30 (truly a brown girl’s best friend). Bye bye blue-hue… hello fasion-ista.

Posted by Oni at May 04, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

I have Celiac’s Disease – okay it’s not as gross as it may sound. I basically have an allergy to foods with gluten (i.e. bread, cakes, pasta, anything with flour). Sorry not very scientific.

I miss pasta—really miss pasta. So last night I make Quinoa Pasta. Quinoa is a “supergrain” – tons of protein and complete array of amino acids (perfect for vegetarians). I bought the quinoa shells for Whole Foods. The pasta tastes like regular pasta (well a bit more nutty) – super healthy & super fabulous!!!

While I boiled the pasta I whizzed up a spicy sauce with cremini mushrooms. I sautéed in a skillet with some olive oil -- half a red onion, garlic (tons), cremini mushrooms and of course chili pepper (enough to burn). Added a good quality pre-made spaghetti sauce (gluten free of course)… added chopped spinach….sprinkled in some mozzarella… added my quinoa pasta and VOILA gluten free vegetarian pasta. Oh sooooooo goooooood.

Currently stuffing my face.

Posted by Oni at May 03, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

This probably is no big deal for most people. But I can't help but gush. I was siked when I got my government business cards and today I just discovered that I have a nameplate on my office door with MY NAME on it. Little things like this make me go YIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPEEEEEE!!! I took a pic of my nameplate/biz cards and text messaged my friends. Am I a dork? I feel like seriously official. Little things like this put a dopey grin on my face.

Posted by Oni at May 02, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

Makeup review time. I need mascara – I have a sick addiction. Currently, I’m having a mascara love affair with DiorShow.

When I use this mascara my eyelashes almost hit my eyebrows. Eyelashes magically curl upwards and are mega thick w/o being clumpy. Granted I have pretty good lashes to begin with but I still swear by DiorShow.

Work your wand and don’t be scared to lay on the layers of mascara. DiorShow comes with a fabulous gi-normous brush that plumps every lash (be careful to not smear all over your eyelid). Start at the base of eyelash and work the wand left to right (parallel to lash line) as you move the wand from the base to the tip of the eyelash. Repeat and lather on the mascara to voumen-ize, thicken, plumpen those sweet lashes.

Trust me when I say this I have tried almost every mascara on the market and this one is the only mascara that gives me va-va-voom lashes. My lashes almost look fake with DiorShow. This is not for those faint of heart. Only use it if you’re looking for an ultra sultry look.

It doesn’t come cheap – its’ $25 a pop -- but money well spent.

P.S. I have heard rumors about Fresh Supernova Mascara and just bought a tube at Sephora. Will review soon as I run out of my DiorShow.

Posted by Oni at May 02, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

Making friends can be really annoying. Why does it have to take so much effort? I’ve known my best friend since I was 11 – she’s in Manhattan and I miss having her around. I want to recreate the ease of my friendship with P here in LA and it’s been trying. Do you know what kind of relationship I mean? Having someone to go to Target with for no reason, staying up late and eating snacks and watching infomercials…..doing absolutely NOTHING yet it is FUN as hell. I know, I’ve had almost 17 years to nurture my friendship with her. She’s like my sister, no -- she is my sister.

Hubby and I went out with a couple on Saturday night. Conversation was trying. It was a bit awkward. I felt as if the girl wasn’t being authentic. We left dinner and I immediately dismissed them as not being cool enough. Hubby and I gossiped about the couple which is one marital joy I will never tire of.

I was a bit depressed – I don’t want more acquaintances or people to party with – I want real friends. The ones you can count on. I text messaged P at 1:00 am and she called me 15 minutes later. It was around 4:15 am in NYC. We chatted about nothing and it was wonderful as every conversation is with her. The depression left b/c I thought how many people have friends like P?

Posted by Oni at May 01, 2006 | Permalink | Comments