I absolutely forgot that I'm a creator.  I didn't even really see myself that way (even though I bang out 3 meals a day everyday, bake bread, etc.) -- it seemed like mom stuff and not creative at all.  I was doing the ho-hum of daily life.

Things have shifted a lot recently.  I've taken my mediation practice very seriously (which really means pausing joyfully, looking forward to it rather than treating mediation as another chore) -- the result of workshops with my teacher and our community energy.  Basically, the more you Pause, the more you get divine messages.  I guess we are always receiving divine messages, but now I can actually feel and receive them (Spirit makes you work for it, I gotta Pause and tune in everyday because this energy is whispy and elusive; totally unlike muscle memory).

Messages started to pour in on the daily.  

"Every moment is sacred." I get to make lunch.  I get to mother 4 kids.  I get to go to the grocery store.  Subtle and powerful, just a mind a shift. One of our reiki precepts is "work diligently" -- that really means, "look, you're gonna have to do this thing right now that you don't wanna do, so find a way to get your groove on, make it as fun as you can, no attachment to the outcome). 

I got a text message from Amy (one of my besties and moms from our beloved preschool in Hollywood).  I could feel the weight of the text.  This was a direct message from God and I knew it.  I didn't open her text message.  I didn't want to read it.  I was so annoyed with her. "That fucking bitch, she had to text me."  But I wasn't really mad, I knew that I was being asked to do something and reacted like a petulant child.  

I decided to be obedient.  I started up this blog and oh my goodness -- I love writing so much.  I know that chat GPT is all the rage, so wonderful and helpful, but it's different when you are just writing straight from inside of you.  I found an old YouTube channel that I had created and started adding some no cut shorts from daily living and creating!!! It's fun to play!!!!! I am totally a creator (we all are, we just forget).  If you are reading this blog, I'm here to remind you friend, 

"You’ve consumed enough. God wants you to start creating..." 

Posted by Oni at February 24, 2025 | Permalink | Comments

I'm starting like I never left off -- with my old friend manifestmydesires blog. I've been thinking about this blog lately, where I started, where I am and where I am going.  I used to be so full of fear about my future and whether it would work out in my 20's and even in my 30s. It was such a waste. My life became more magical than I could have ever dreamed of -- "you will want for nothing in this life" (I was told by a stranger, spiritual man, in 2008). I still didn't believe.  I squandered some years in lack mentality.  I grew up on the wrong sides of the tracks in my formative years, solidifying inherited beliefs about lack and fear (epigenetic of ancestors surviving famines and genocide). I continued on my spiritual path and became more dedicated and sincere -- what a gift that we can plug into the Force anytime to recharge and power up + bubble up (we are all worthy and welcome to plug in no matter what!). 

The stranger correctly forecast the future. I want for nothing.  I'm sitting here at noon on my beautiful front porch typing on my laptop, listening the birds chirp, while surrounded by lush green hills and trees. I have a little bit of time before I have to pick the kids up from school.  It feels dreamy.  I am so incredibly grateful.  

A strong message came to me yesterday after breakfast with my delightful sister-in-law.  A friend and neighbor needed help, she was bowled over in pain from kidney stones, and needed someone to pick up her meds.  I was happy to help (it's what makes my tiny little local community in the Easy Bay so wonderful -- folks say YES and show up for each other).  We headed to the pharmacy but kept getting lost, we entered the wrong address into gps.  It dawned on me that if you go through life with a broken compass, you are going to wander forever lost and aimless, never actually getting to your destination.  All you really had to do was use the right compass (tune in) and get to your beautiful destination.  

The tuning in is the hard part.  I had the wrong compass for a long time. The compass was pointing to security and not joy, I thought they were mutually exclusive.  On a spectrum of love and fear, I was always on the fear side.  But there has always been something there tugging me.... just tugging me.  It's ethereal and whispy, ever so elusive, yet present.  I got really lucky.  I found my spiritual teacher from a party in Santa Monica. I fell off the path after the miracle of my 3rd child.  We are not hardwired for joy. Self-sabatoge is so easy, coupled with spitefulness and lack of gratitude.  I got really lucky, heard the calling, and got back on my spiritual path after my 4th child.  

So much of my life has been sheer good luck.  I'm lucky.  I always thought I was lucky (I suppose that's lucky!!).  Lucky to know to key that the key to manifesting my desires was my spiritual teacher (reiki and so much more!) and  tuning in by pausing everyday in mediation (joyfully).  That's the key.  A spiritual teacher can come in many forms (yoga teacher, priest, minister, your highest self, the guru within). The path will unfold itself by tuning in and connecting to the Force (God, Spirit, whatever you want to call it). 

I used to get so upset by the frustrations of children doing naughty things, mothering 4 children born total 6 years apart.  Now I can dodge the bullets of teenage angst, tween hormones and little kid mania -- kinda like how Neo dodges bullets in the Matrix.  If a bullet gets through, I'm able to pivot and adjust without all of the mental gymnastics of delay and distraction. 

In this year of the snake, I am choosing to transform too the next level.  I don't know what that is or what that means honestly.  Right now, I'm mothering 4 kids, volunteering as a community mediator, and having a lot of fun with my husband, kids, family and friends. I never really took my meditation practice seriously until recently.  Connecting with the Force is whispy, it makes you work for it, that means pausing every single day.  My practice has been building -- building my joy bubble to have loving awareness every moment. No more searching or perfecting.  Instead I will play curiously and have fun. Reset. Reboot. Run.

Posted by Oni at February 22, 2025 | Permalink | Comments