Inspiration

I went to this fantastic event for work yesterday, the Governor and First Lady’s Conference on Women, and it was inspiring. Today, while I was at training, a friend/co-worker and I talked about the feminist movement, sisterhood and solidarity. Granted, all of this “discussion” happened by scribbling notes and passing them to one another in class speckled with moments of junior high school silliness.

As a woman, thinking about what is important to me are the following:

• Stay connected with my husband daily so that I never wake up and feel that my best-friend has become a stranger.
• Impart on my children the values of hard work, authenticity, charity, dignity, respect and motivation to create change for the better in this world.
• Deepen my relationship with my loved ones.
• Physically and spiritually nourish myself so that I am constantly growing and never find myself stagnating.

What saddens me of late is having conversations with women who tell me that after having children they have had to give up something that is important in their lives while trying to balance work and family. I’m not talking about the frivolous such as going out clubbing less; I’m talking about losing connection with themselves or with a loved one. One too many times do I hear, “I’m so busy and tired that I really just don’t get to see my husband. It’s what happens.” What is this “it” and why does it have to happen?

Well, I am unwilling to give up that which is important in my life. I have ascertained that there are 2 ways that I can balance work and family:

• Simply walk away from my career for the moment. When my children start school, I can look for meaningful employment and not worry about how difficult it will be to re-enter the workplace.
• Be a vehicle of change in my workplace so that I can have flex-options such as telework.

It is incredibly sad that there aren’t many flex-options in the workplace. And when the options do exist, there generally seems to be a lot of stigma against those who utilize the flex-options, especially in the arena of upward mobility. Even men face this stigma; they are considered not “manly” enough when they exercise available options such as paternity leave. While it is easy for me to walk away from my career and be blasé b/c essentially my husband makes enough money for us to be financially well off, many women cannot exercise that choice. To me, it is selfish to stop here and forget my sisters.

The entire point of the feminist movement was for women to band together in solidarity and sisterhood. The part of Ann Quindlen’s speech that resonated with me from her talk yesterday was the following: the movement was not only for women to have equality but to put the female ethos on a male patriarchy. She went on to elaborate that while today there are many women in fields that once were never possible, we are still working under a system that may not be right for many of us in balancing our roles as mothers, partners, daughters, sisters and professional career women. There is so much in the political and social arena that needs tweaking and we women should band together in solidarity and be a force for change.

To me, nourishing my family and self while intellectually being stimulated and making positive change in the world through my work are pivotal. I suspect that many people, both men and women desire the same. There are more women who either have children or desire to have them in the near future in my office than not. We all agree that flex-options are necessary in our lives and not one of us has done a damn thing about it. What happened to the movement that so many women started for us in the yesteryears? It’s an injustice for me to take it all for granted and sit stone silent and do nothing to make change except throw my hands in the air and write a few blog posts because I can simply relish in my privilege of choice.

So, quoting my husband from one of his articles, I am left with more questions than answers. However, I recognize now more fully then before, that I can be a sweeping fire of change by rekindling the feminist movement within.