Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Blessed Art Thou Orgasm

Participation (Please): I know I have readers out there, I’ve got stat counter. If you’re shy, that’s fine, post anonymously; I want all of your tips/advice about sex and orgasms. What turns you on? What gets you off? Be raunchy, I don’t care (that’s actually more fun). I want this post to be educational.

If I could do it all over again, I would have become a sex therapist. Sex is my passion. Helping others achieve an “O” gives me a high. This comment prompted this post:

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Rubbery Pickle":

Hi BC. Do you have to orgasm every time you have sex? My GF doesn't do it all the time and I always feel like I'm not doing my job.

Anon in the middle ofthe USA!


Anon, this one’s for you! Yes, as Samantha said, “when I RSVP to a party, I always cum.”

Mood

A woman’s body is very delicate and she may not be feeling as amorous as her partner likes AND it has nothing to do with the partner. I have to unclutter my mind before I am ready to orgasm. If my mind is somewhere else and not fully present in my body there is no way I can cum. It’s not just about pushing the right buttons or nubbin.

What helps me personally? Yoga/Exercise. Vino. Sensual massage. Sensual buffet. Laughing. Playing together and being silly. Lying in bed and connecting with my husband. We have a ritual every night where we lie in bed and snuggle and talk about our day. That connection helps to unclutter my mind and bring back my turn on.

And honestly, it’s okay to not always be in the mood. Honor your body. Touching, kissing, nibbling, caressing and playing can all be just as rewarding as Oing.

Does She Feel Sexy?

Many women have body issues. Hell, I’m a size zero and I sometimes feel fat. I do. I admit it. Sometimes I’m really bloated and I feel like a whale. I don’t feel sexy. I got over it. It’s important to love my body as is, because if I can’t love it, how can a man love my body?

Here’s how I got over my body issues: I was in a women’s circle, in San Francisco of course, where all of the ladies got naked. I remember being so nervous and scared. I was insecure about my body. I got up slowly, faced a roomful of women and took off all of my clothes until I was down to my birthday suit. I hadn’t even trimmed my bush and was slightly embarrassed. The rest of the girls took turns telling me the beauty they saw in my body. I felt my body being cocooned in love. I then turned around, faced a mirror and really looked at myself. I remember being so surprised, for the first time I saw a beautiful, womanly body in front of me. It was so overwhelming that I fought to hold back tears. I’ll never forget the experience… being naked with other women and just loving our bodies. I finally got over (most) of my body issues.

Obviously that kind of experience is not for everyone. I encourage all women to take off their clothes and look at themselves. Touch yourselves with your fingers or a soft silk scarf (experiment with different materials and textures), anything you like. Feel the softness of your skin. Close your eyes and trace your fingers over every portion of your skin. What feels good? What turns you on? Find your turn on. If you’re feeling adventurous, invite a friend to help you explore your body male or female:)

Can She Get Herself Off?

I believe this with every fiber of my being, know your yoni. Every woman needs to know how to cum. I remember being 8 years old and learning that if I rubbed my legs together I could cum, a small tremor of an orgasm, but still an orgasm. I am ashamed to admit that I can’t make myself cum from rubbing my clit with my own fingers. I need a mechanical device. My vibrator of choice is the Hitachi magic wand, it plugs into an outlet. I’ve killed one too many battery operated vibrators. What's your favorite vibrator?

Take a mirror and really look at your pussy, alone or with a partner. Explore every fold of your pussy. Name her. Own her. She is beautiful. Lighting and music, at least for me, is important. Make your environment sexy. Have a field day with your vibrator or your fingers. Be patient. The orgasm will come.

Technique/Patience

Men, listen up, a vagina is delicate. This is a great book, Satisfaction: The Art of the Female Orgasm (Hardcover) by Kim Cattrall. Rough sex can be great if the partner wants it. But the clit is super sensitive. LIGHT TOUCHES. Learn how to get your woman off manually, with your fingers and your tongue. My husband wrote a great post about this, but unfortunately for trolls, I had to take it down. Here’s a gist of what he wrote: FOREPLAY. FOREPLAY. FOREPLAY. In other words, don’t attack her pussy with your fingers, tongue or penis, okay? Engage the woman’s entire body first. Everything on her body should be turned on from head to toe before you go near the va-ja-ja.

What works for me? Light strokes on the clit. I like his fingers slowly touching the outside of Connie (my pussy’s name is Connie My Punnanie). His fingers slowly working their way to my yoni lips. At this point I am usually quite moist, if not, Astroglide is my lubricant of choice. I like light short strokes on my clit. With time I like the strokes to be fast, really fast until climax.

I don’t always cum in a matter of minutes. Sometimes I need lots of time to orgasm. There are times when it’s a lot of work for hubby, a lot of work. His fingers, penis and tongue can get very tired. If my body is taking a long time to cum, hubby usually stops focusing on the yoni and tries to engage the rest of my body. That always works for me. I don’t usually cum from every position through only penile penetration and no manual clitoral stimulation. I always cum from the pure penis pleasure when I’m on top, riding him (my position of choice).

Conclusion

There’s so much I want to say but this post has gotten way to long. Just be patient. Keep trying to always make sex fun. It should be fun. Love your body. Connect with your partner. Communicate during sex. I tell hubby exactly what I want and need. Tell him if you want a finger in your ass. Don’t be shy. Your partner isn’t a mind reader.

Now go forwards and f*ck your brains out.

44 comments:

Anonymous said...

I've been in a new relationship for the past 2 months and this is the relationship of a lifetime. I was celibate for 3 years before I met this man and out of choice because I don't believe in casual sex.

This is it, I'm going to marry him, I knew this on the second date and we are talking about it now. However can I say it is quite possibly the most amazing sex I have ever had in my life. I think it's a mental thing for me. I feel so emotionally and mentally connected to him as if we are connected from the past that the amazing and intense orgasms I'm experiencing I never have in the past.

I used to always joke when I was younger that I wanted a man with a massive penis. Oh one should be so careful what they wish for. He's blessed beyond belief, beyond my wildest dreams and I'm still getting used to it. He's also much wider than my petite frame. My pelvis hurts and sometimes after too much sex we have to resort to trying other positions like from the back or spooning and it does help. But I'd love for others to share with me how they manage with a larger partner both in physical strature and penis size when they are much smaller.

He's the most giving person I've ever met, generous in bed, always eager to please, will do anything for me, loves me.

So what is a surprise? We are both 35 lord I never thought in a million years I'd wait till I was 35 to have the best sex life I have ever had. I feel like I'm 21 again except I was with a total asshole at 21 and it wasn't like this at all.

Bengali Chick said...

Anon: So happy for you. I definitely believe in the mental connection. How big is big? Are we talking the width of a diet coke can? Big as in long or wide or both?

Anonymous said...

Gosh I feel so naughty. He's about 8 1/2 at his most erect and 4 1/3 inch wide. It's insane. It's perfect. I mean really it's not a bottomless pit down there I don't need a man bigger than 4 1/2. After that it's just bragging rights but at the same time it's damn painful if we go for a while.

It's not my vigina that hurts but my pelvis. I used to do the Elliptical for 30 minutes everyday but honestly I haven't been able to do that because of all the sex, my hips, pelvis and inner thighs hurt. It takes about 24 - 48 hours to recuperate from each lovemaking session and I'm petrified that I'm not going to be able to handle it when we move in together.

BTW I'm a regular reader and love your blog and love reading about someone else being in love with their partner as much as I am. I've been getting on my gf's nerves but I'm glad you are in love as much as I am.

BTW you posted a comment on my blog today as well, am just going Anon for this post :-)

Bengali Chick said...

It's wonderful being madly in love with you s/o. I love seeing people in gushy crazy love. Thank you for all of your kind words:)

I'm going to eat dinner and mull this one over. You have one well-endowed boy!

roonie said...

Oh dearest me. I don't even know where to begin. I am not saying a thing.

Anonymous said...

I'm a regular reader too, but I'm going to go Anon just for this post. ;)

The whole body issue workshop thing really strikes a cord with me for many reasons. One, I am still a virgin. I'm 20 and it's not that I'm waiting for marriage or anything, it's simply that I just haven't had the opportunity to be in a long-term relationship where I can have sex and I didn't want to do it casually (at least not the first time). Anyways, I have done *everything* else imaginable but actual penetration. Here are some of the concerns I have:

1). Stripping down. I know that sex can be done with lingerie on, but I find two naked bodies together more sensual, only I can't imagine stripping down. It is not even that I am big. I'm a tall girl who's a size 2, so I have no self-confidence issues and I have great big breasts except that when I grew so tall, my body couldn't handle the change and I was left with immense stretch mark scarring. I won't say that it really bothers me, but I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say it's a deterrent to why I haven't had sex yet. Just the thought of stripping down and being seen by this person and wondering what he would think of me scares the f*ck out of me.

2). Oral Sex. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. It’s tiring, gives me zero pleasure and takes far too long. I agree that’s selfish considering I expect it, because honestly, we have no other way of getting off. I hate saying no but damn, is it really necessary??

3). Boobs- They hurt! They’re not toys and they’re sore, especially weeks before I’m on my period which means any kind of squeezing and twisting hurts the f*ck out of me. I was honest and told my guy that I was in pain, hoping he would stop. Next day when I was feeling frisky, he told me he wasn’t in the mood because he felt bad. Why do I have to subject to this kind of torture just to get him off?

P.S: Use your fingers over the vibrator. I was lucky in that living in a conservative Indian household meant no vibrators for they could be found any minute, which made me resort to my fingers. When I got to college, I was gifted a vibrator and in no way did it surpass the pleasure that my own fingers gave me. ;)

Anonymous said...

OK and how the hell do I know the exact measurements, I convinced the poor man to let me measure it (during a 69) because he didn't believe it was a big deal for me.

We were both laughing hysterically the whole time, ok on the inside I was going "OMG where are my girlfriends to see this" while laughing on the outside!!

Seriously I need suggestions on perhaps types of excercises that are going to help me. We are going away for a romantic 3 day trip this weekend and I want it to be 'smooth'.

Thanx :-)

Too Shy said...

Ms. Has a Boy With Big Penis: I had an ex who was huge, like your guy. The actual penis was fine..well great. But he was so wide, very large bone structure. He was also 6'5". I couldn't ever be on top b/c I couldn't sit on him just right. My pelvis always hurt. This is what helped me: once in a while missionary and mostly -- doggie style, reverse on top (I was on top of him but my face was looking at his feet), side sex reverse...

It was well worth it. His cock was gorgeous.

Anonymous said...

As a regular reader I too will go anon for this post.

I have to agree with a previous poster. I too enjoy my fingers over my vibrator. Mind you I use my vibrator all the time for those quicky cums. I can't sleep at night without having an orgasm (it puts me in a relaxed state). When I want to have a real enjoyable orgasm I either pop in a porn or use my incredible imagination and my fingers. It takes much longer than my vibrator but it is all that built up anticipation that makes it all worth while.

In regards to hubby making me orgasm - during sex I can squirt but only in a doggy style position. It is a truly releasing experience (and it makes him feel really manly LOL). He loves going down on me and rubs my body while he is down there. Usually nipple stimulation or anal stimulation will acheive a HIGHLY ORGASMIC orgasm (if that even makes sense)

Bengali Chick said...

Alright girls, I'm going to master the art of getting off with my fingers. The vibrator makes me lazy.

Girl: "nipple stimulation or anal stimulation will acheive a HIGHLY ORGASMIC orgasm " -- makes total sense.

I love your honesty. Seriously heart you.

Anonymous said...

Regular reader; I am mos def posting back later when I have time to write an O-bible ... Bengali Chick, like you, I love to help other people get off!! A few of my friends have come to me for orgasm advice this year (none of them have had an O during sex, two never in their lives in any fashion) -- I was kind of surprised and flattered, considered how long it took me to figure out my body. And I'm still definitely learning .... more later! Thanks for opening this up, hope long comments are OK.

Bengali Chick said...

Of course long comments are okay. I'm itching to be in another women's circle. Hell I may just have to organize one.

naina said...

"If I could do it all over again, I would have become a sex therapist."

Bengali chick, it's not too late. You're still in your 20s, you have plenty of time to go after what you want!

Anonymous said...

Oh I have so much to post and I have a response to one chika too but am at work at the moment so will do so from home this evening.

Thanx for opening up this post.

Anon (the one with the blessed man :-))

Bengali Chick said...

Naina: Thanks for the words of encouragement. I just hate accruing more student loan debt. Stupid effing lawschool... hindsight is a marvelous thing.

Anonymous said...

I'm also a regular reader -- never posted though. Figured this would be the perfect opportunity to post for the first time :)

Honestly, I'm sad because I've been married 3 yrs now and I've never had an orgasm (never had sex before marriage either). I can tell a lot of it has to do with my own mental state, but it's so frustrating that it's never happened to me and the more I concentrate on it during sex the further away it seems to get. I've felt that something is wrong with me, but can't image going to a therapist (way too shy). I'm trying to work on it myself by learning more about my body and learning to relax. It sucks because you'd think it would come so much easier.

Thanks for the tips, BC. I will try some of them out. But, if there are any others for total beginners like me, pls post. :) I'm starting from very little. My husband tries his best and wants to orally stimulate me but I can't seem to let him do that (probably tells you something about my prudeness, huh?)

Btw, I've heard the pill can kill your sex drive. I honestly would love to go off the pill just to get a little more horny. Don't want kids just yet though.

Tx again!

Bengali Chick said...

Girl You Will O:

First, the pill is EVIL. It killed my sex drive and dried me out! I was like a different person. We went the condoms/pull out route.

For oral you have to be in the right mental place. Have you tried getting tipsy off of bubbly or vino? It may get you relaxed enough.

You and your hubby should read the book I linked, it's got great details and pictures in it.

Do you cum from a vibrator? If so try having sex doggie style and apply the vibrator to your clit. See if that does the trick.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, BC! You're great!

Yeah, have heard a lot about the whole pill killing the sex drive thing and I honestly am considering throwing it out the window. Thanks for your insight.

DesiMom said...

Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay!

BC...naked infront of a group? Eeek!

Anonymous said...

I've been off the pill for several years and am still very dry. I have a hard time getting in the mood as my man's penis is large too and it just hurts! I think I'm mentally afraid of it and just tense up - help!

Anonymous said...

1). Stripping down. I know that sex can be done with lingerie on, but I find two naked bodies together more sensual, only I can't imagine stripping down. It is not even that I am big. I'm a tall girl who's a size 2, so I have no self-confidence issues and I have great big breasts except that when I grew so tall, my body couldn't handle the change and I was left with immense stretch mark scarring. I won't say that it really bothers me, but I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say it's a deterrent to why I haven't had sex yet. Just the thought of stripping down and being seen by this person and wondering what he would think of me scares the f*ck out of me.

You can start out in the dark and be more conservative when you get the chance to be with the right guy. Everyone has flaws in their bodies, you aren’t alone. No one is perfect. Women naturally have stretch marks I assure you. I have scars from breast reduction surgery too. The man I’m with absolutely does not notice them or any other flaws and the right guy won’t with you. It won’t matter. It will be such a moot issue. Don’t stress about something that hasn’t happened yet 

2). Oral Sex. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. It’s tiring, gives me zero pleasure and takes far too long. I agree that’s selfish considering I expect it, because honestly, we have no other way of getting off. I hate saying no but damn, is it really necessary??

Oh my god girl why do you hate it? I love it so much I want to do it all the time. It’s about the whole experience of tasting all of him, his penis, his balls, under the balls, the inside of his thighs. Perhaps you’ve been with someone that wasn’t too hygenic or encouraging? Maybe the penis was too big? Or didn’t taste well? Figure out what it is that you dislike about it. There is so much amazing pleasure in it. I can make myself cum by going down on him.

3). Boobs- They hurt! They’re not toys and they’re sore, especially weeks before I’m on my period which means any kind of squeezing and twisting hurts the f*ck out of me. I was honest and told my guy that I was in pain, hoping he would stop. Next day when I was feeling frisky, he told me he wasn’t in the mood because he felt bad. Why do I have to subject to this kind of torture just to get him off?

You don’t have to subject yourself to any torture. Our breasts go thru changes during the month and a man would be more sensitive about it. Be clear about what you are feeling and let him know what it is that you are experiencing when. That means also telling him when it is pleasureful and you want it. Don’t always telling him to stop when it hurts. He may not understand the mixed messages and probably doesn’t want to hurt you.

Anonymous said...

Dear ‘No O for 3 years’
Can you get off on your own? Or you’ve never experienced it at all? Relaxing is a huge thing of course but you need to do this alone first, when your husband isn’t around. Experience the O for yourself, touching your finger, flicking our clit back and forth in a repetitious motion and consistent speed and experience it for yourself first. That’s the beginning.

Btw, I've heard the pill can kill your sex drive. I honestly would love to go off the pill just to get a little more horny.

Absolutely not true. I’ve been on the pill for 12 years and am horny as hell ALL the time. Medications do affect us, antibiotics for example but not the pill. Don’t get pregnant if you don’t want to 

Bengali Chick said...

I absolutely love this dialogue. Love it. Love it. Love it.

Porn is awesome.

Sex and cumming are 100% about what you like. Every body is so different. The pill effects my body in a completely different way that it might another chick.

I think what's key is communication(let him/her know what you want), trust with a partner , knowing your body and a sense of fun and adventure.

I love all of my readers. You guys are awesome. These tips rock.

I can't wait to have sex tonight! I'm already turned on.

Anonymous said...

how does female orgasm feel like.

Anonymous said...

Why do I hate oral sex? I don't know. My first experience wasn't too grand but I didn't let that get in the way of anything. The few times after, I put my one hundred percent to get into it and no matter how much I tried, I just couldn't. I would basically be down there, honestly just gagging, because at that point I was tired since it took to long and I wasn't getting off at all. Maybe I've let a few bad experiences get in the way, but I can say with full confidence that giving head doesn't get me off. Of course, it's good to hear that he's happy and moaning, but I guess that's where it stops. After a point, I'm ready to switch places and making him pay in other ways for that kind of labor.

O with the fingers- For the person who posted about spreading the legs and using the finger, I totally agree!! I used to clench and lay on my stomach until I switched to my back and spread my legs far. Also I've never gotten off using a towel (it hurts!) or pillow, but I have to say that showerheads so work and you can always get your guy to finish the job. Also if you're using your fingers, try a technique that brings me some of the most earth shattering orgasms. As you're stroking your clit, and you're starting to get aroused, stop. Finger your vagina or tease your nipples. Then go back to your clit and in the same way get to a feel good point and stop until you can't take it anymore. I promise you that when you finally come, it'll be well worth the tease!

Happy stroking! :)

Anonymous said...

Orgasms feel really really really good! When you feel something like that and your whole body is in tremors, your know it's an orgasm. :)

Tia said...

You will officially be known in my world as the new Dr Ruth!

Anonymous said...

hi, a couple more things from me (long poster -- I'll dub myself "verbose.")

1. does anyone else have tips on how i could teach myself how to have an O with legs open (on my back or otherwise?) i want to be more versatile but i can't seem to replicate the sensation i get from squeezing my thighs together. anon, thanks for the tips -- i will definitely try them!

2. if i am in the right mood (which is more often than not), i do like a finger in the ass. BUT, not the whole finger -- just an inch or so will do. i don't need him to constantly stroke in and out but just kind of keep it in there and press down every now and then. if i am close to O-ing, this gives me the most insane orgasms -- almost as good as the sleep orgasms.

3. lovelovelove to have sex with clothes on (my clothes more than his). love it if i give him head (total turn on for me) and then he slips my panties to the side and starts fucking me. or doggie style sex with a dress on and no panties. yum.

god i really need to have sex. bc, thanks for entertaining the porn stars, the insecure, and the teachers in all of us :)

Anonymous said...

Some tip to O on your back and with legs spread wide:

1). Get some pillows and elevate your legs. Continue to finger yourself but remember to keep it different. Use two fingers or one, but tease your clit. As you get close to your O, your legs are going to want to push the pillows out of the way and just cum as hard as you can.

2). Get into your dry bathtub. For some reason, the smaller space makes feel hornier and I can either use my showerhead or continue with my fingers.

3). Sit in the fetal position while stroking yourself. It turns me on incredibly for I feel like I have little space to do what I need to get off.

Any more masturbating tips guys?

Also for those that enjoy erotic literature:

www.literotica.com. Mucho helpful!

Esha said...

Oh dear, how could I forget the most important one?! All you girls should be doing this anyway but doing your Kegels while storking yourself will get you some fabulous fabulous orgasms! Don't believe me? Try it. Tease it and do your kegels and I promise you will have the best O of your life. Tell my if any one of you try it and what your experience was!

Bengali Chick said...

Esha: I'm obsessed with kegels, I do it everytime I go to the bathroom. I'm going to and and try kegels during sex NOW.

~Little Bull~ said...

I put off reading this post at work because I knew that I would get to thinking and then get turned on...sheesh!
BC...you're amazing...you are so open and so honest. I admire you.
Since the split, I've been doing it on my own now...and I've noticed my kegels paying off too!! YAY!
I think foreplay is the biggest turn on and the best way to get me to the big O....otherwise, I can't get there during sex unless I'm stiumlating myself at the same time...lame, I know.

Anonymous said...

the boy goes down on me so well, it's just amazing. and he does it without asking and without any qualms. he actually says, "i enjoy it. i enjoy you."

early this morning, at 3:22A, we had sex. it was probably the best sex in a long time. i just let go. i let go of all the stress, the issues, the consciousness and took a deep breath. purely amazing.

kegels is wonderful during sex.

AND yogic breathing and meditation is even better for foreplay and sex. really takes you to a higher plane.

Anonymous said...

i don't know if this is weird but i think that often, my desire for sex is a separate thing from my desire to have an orgasm. i don't mind having sex if it doesn't lead to an orgasm (though of course sometimes that sucks!!) there are a LOT of things i enjoy about sex that feel good, but they will never lead to an orgasm for me.

Anonymous said...

bengali chick, please please please delete my previous comment!! i forgot to select anonymous :(

-verbose

Bengali Chick said...

Verbose: Done:)

Anonymous said...

thank you soooo much, bc. now you know my sekrit 4-ever ;) you know i'll be back for more and will have to repost my deleted comment since it was a success story!!

-verbose

Clit talk said...

Sensitive Clit: My clit gets sensitive after cumming from manual stimulation of the clit. Generally I can have sex at that point and cum with no problem or I give my clit a break and come back to it if I want to get off from manual stimulation.

I actually really like head afterwards where the boy licks everything but the clit until I get super excited.

Esha said...

Wow I love how many comments this post has gotten. BC you are being coronated as our resident Carrie Bradshaw. Haha. :)

Zed-tastic said...

whew. i read this post and comments but didn't have time to comment before.
AGREED = foreplay is mucho importante.
for the lady who hates giving head = you're not alone. me too. i feel selfish about this. i receive amazing oral but giving it back doesn't turn me on. takes too long and nothing sensual about me being down there:) but you know what, i do think that it's mind over matter. i think i've never enjoyed giving it because i've assumed that i suck at it and that has colored my enjoyment of it. my first bf (who i gave head to first) used to take forever in cumming and i assumed it was b/c i wasn't doing the BJ properly. i now think it's ok to give head and not have it result in an orgasm for him everytime (if he takes forever).... i think practice and a good partner will work away my dislike of giving head and i think the day when i enjoy giving head is not far away!
LOVE the finger in the ass too. oh wow. its the best. i don't know how anyone wouldn't like it :).
Am NOT a fan of "uber light touching" of the clit. Shocking I know. I do agree that in the beginning everything should be slower and gentle but I like things slightly rougher personally. My first bf was annoyingly slow and gentle!! A little speed and manly force is SUCH a turn-on. It's all about COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION. Doesn't have to be all words, place his hands where you want and guide his rhythm and pace by your moaning and groaning....
happy fornicating! :)

Anonymous said...

here's a story for the tall girl who is a size 2 and afraid of her stretch marks - girl, i'd give anything to have stretch marks be my ONLY problem! :)
i'm insecure about everything - from the size of my boobs, to the color of my skin to the cellulite on my thighs and oh yes, to the size of my labia (i feel like they are too long) -- as women, we have a hundred million delusions about our "flaws." everything we have (scar, defect, flaw) - makes us unique and special. i've had intimate encounters with a number of men and while i know that i'll always be insecure about my "flaws" i know that they are what they are and likely your partner is too worried about his "flaws" to be noticing yours!! :) the simple truth is that no one can love you if you don't love yourself. no one can admire you if you don't admire yourself. think of all your good points :). i hope one day soon you'll come to love your body.

Zed-tastic said...

whew. i read this post and comments but didn't have time to comment before.
AGREED = foreplay is mucho importante.
for the lady who hates giving head = you're not alone. me too. i feel selfish about this. i receive amazing oral but giving it back doesn't turn me on. takes too long and nothing sensual about me being down there:) but you know what, i do think that it's mind over matter. i think i've never enjoyed giving it because i've assumed that i suck at it and that has colored my enjoyment of it. my first bf (who i gave head to first) used to take forever in cumming and i assumed it was b/c i wasn't doing the BJ properly. i now think it's ok to give head and not have it result in an orgasm for him everytime (if he takes forever).... i think practice and a good partner will work away my dislike of giving head and i think the day when i enjoy giving head is not far away!
LOVE the finger in the ass too. oh wow. its the best. i don't know how anyone wouldn't like it :).
Am NOT a fan of "uber light touching" of the clit. Shocking I know. I do agree that in the beginning everything should be slower and gentle but I like things slightly rougher personally. My first bf was annoyingly slow and gentle!! A little speed and manly force is SUCH a turn-on. It's all about COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION. Doesn't have to be all words, place his hands where you want and guide his rhythm and pace by your moaning and groaning....
happy fornicating! :)

ZenDenizen said...

Congratulations on a fabulously honest post! I, too, am a size 0 who often feels fat so making me feel pretty is absolutely crucial. That's why if he makes any kind of non-pc or insensitive joke, I'll be turned off the rest of the day. Also I'm surprised you like porn, do you know any female friendly stuff or do you like the standard ones?

Tiffany said...

lol...where the fuck have i been this past week? i go away for a few day and come back to this post! my goodness!

well *sigh* i wish i could contribute but you know my current circumstance. the unfortunate thing is mike is endowed with a beautifully perfect penis (we've named him "willy"...i know...i don't score any points for originality there..lol). it is HUGE and thick and perfect. but he never fucking uses it anymore so it's just sitting there going to waste. :(

i've had a lot of B.O.B. time lately though. i like the "rabbit" vibrator but i have almost killed it from overuse. lol i actually had to put duct tape on the remote unit to hold in the batteries. i know..my life is pathetic. i also love the hitachi! but it is soooo loud and i can't exactly be discreet about it. :) when i WAS having sex, i always loved a little anal every now and again. usually i'd have to be drunk or stoned first and the lube would have to be good (i'm an astroglide fan too) but w/ anal, when it's good it's GOOOOOOD. i also love to give and receive oral. in fact, i would take just oral any day over penetration sex. mike is good at oral but my ex was a fucking GOD with it. i couldn't believe the things that man could do with his tongue. ah memories...

sorry i can't contribute more. oh and great post by the way! you could be the next dr. ruth! also glad to hear your relationship is filled with lots of good lovin'! :)

ZONKERS, refound my blog (THIS blog) from 2005

Wow, it's cringe worthy in all of its honest glory.  I am in the middle of re-reading almost 500 posts.  It's awesome to relive most...