Manifest My Desire

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Rubbery Pickle":

Hi BC. Do you have to orgasm every time you have sex? My GF doesn't do it all the time and I always feel like I'm not doing my job.

Anon in the middle ofthe USA!

Anon, this one’s for you! Yes, as Samantha said, “when I RSVP to a party, I always cum.”

Mood

A woman’s body is very delicate and she may not be feeling as amorous as her partner likes AND it has nothing to do with the partner. I have to unclutter my mind before I am ready to orgasm. If my mind is somewhere else and not fully present in my body there is no way I can cum. It’s not just about pushing the right buttons or nubbin.

What helps me personally? Yoga/Exercise. Vino. Sensual massage. Sensual buffet. Laughing. Playing together and being silly. Lying in bed and connecting with my husband. We have a ritual every night where we lie in bed and snuggle and talk about our day. That connection helps to unclutter my mind and bring back my turn on.

And honestly, it’s okay to not always be in the mood. Honor your body. Touching, kissing, nibbling, caressing and playing can all be just as rewarding as Oing.

Does She Feel Sexy?

Many women have body issues. Hell, I’m a size zero and I sometimes feel fat. I do. I admit it. Sometimes I’m really bloated and I feel like a whale. I don’t feel sexy. I got over it. It’s important to love my body as is, because if I can’t love it, how can a man love my body?

Here’s how I got over my body issues: I was in a women’s circle, in San Francisco of course, where all of the ladies got naked. I remember being so nervous and scared. I was insecure about my body. I got up slowly, faced a roomful of women and took off all of my clothes until I was down to my birthday suit. I hadn’t even trimmed my bush and was slightly embarrassed. The rest of the girls took turns telling me the beauty they saw in my body. I felt my body being cocooned in love. I then turned around, faced a mirror and really looked at myself. I remember being so surprised, for the first time I saw a beautiful, womanly body in front of me. It was so overwhelming that I fought to hold back tears. I’ll never forget the experience… being naked with other women and just loving our bodies. I finally got over (most) of my body issues.

Obviously that kind of experience is not for everyone. I encourage all women to take off their clothes and look at themselves. Touch yourselves with your fingers or a soft silk scarf (experiment with different materials and textures), anything you like. Feel the softness of your skin. Close your eyes and trace your fingers over every portion of your skin. What feels good? What turns you on? Find your turn on. If you’re feeling adventurous, invite a friend to help you explore your body male or female:)

Can She Get Herself Off?

I believe this with every fiber of my being, know your yoni. Every woman needs to know how to cum. I remember being 8 years old and learning that if I rubbed my legs together I could cum, a small tremor of an orgasm, but still an orgasm. I am ashamed to admit that I can’t make myself cum from rubbing my clit with my own fingers. I need a mechanical device. My vibrator of choice is the Hitachi magic wand, it plugs into an outlet. I’ve killed one too many battery operated vibrators. What's your favorite vibrator?

Take a mirror and really look at your pussy, alone or with a partner. Explore every fold of your pussy. Name her. Own her. She is beautiful. Lighting and music, at least for me, is important. Make your environment sexy. Have a field day with your vibrator or your fingers. Be patient. The orgasm will come.

Technique/Patience

Men, listen up, a vagina is delicate. This is a great book, Satisfaction: The Art of the Female Orgasm (Hardcover) by Kim Cattrall. Rough sex can be great if the partner wants it. But the clit is super sensitive. LIGHT TOUCHES. Learn how to get your woman off manually, with your fingers and your tongue. My husband wrote a great post about this, but unfortunately for trolls, I had to take it down. Here’s a gist of what he wrote: FOREPLAY. FOREPLAY. FOREPLAY. In other words, don’t attack her pussy with your fingers, tongue or penis, okay? Engage the woman’s entire body first. Everything on her body should be turned on from head to toe before you go near the va-ja-ja.

What works for me? Light strokes on the clit. I like his fingers slowly touching the outside of Connie (my pussy’s name is Connie My Punnanie). His fingers slowly working their way to my yoni lips. At this point I am usually quite moist, if not, Astroglide is my lubricant of choice. I like light short strokes on my clit. With time I like the strokes to be fast, really fast until climax.

I don’t always cum in a matter of minutes. Sometimes I need lots of time to orgasm. There are times when it’s a lot of work for hubby, a lot of work. His fingers, penis and tongue can get very tired. If my body is taking a long time to cum, hubby usually stops focusing on the yoni and tries to engage the rest of my body. That always works for me. I don’t usually cum from every position through only penile penetration and no manual clitoral stimulation. I always cum from the pure penis pleasure when I’m on top, riding him (my position of choice).

Conclusion

There’s so much I want to say but this post has gotten way to long. Just be patient. Keep trying to always make sex fun. It should be fun. Love your body. Connect with your partner. Communicate during sex. I tell hubby exactly what I want and need. Tell him if you want a finger in your ass. Don’t be shy. Your partner isn’t a mind reader.

Now go forwards and f*ck your brains out.