Meditation -- What the FUCK is it?

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My problem is that I'm a perfectionist.   I've had a few amazing experiences with meditation, usually a guided meditation with inspiring gong music, where I felt joyful afterwards.  Picture it:  you get into the meditation groove, all of a sudden you are floating outside of your body (completely awake), and then you come out of the meditation and you feel joyful and at peace.

The best visual I have for this joyful mediation experience is taking a dip in a pool that is God/The Source/Divine/Cosmic Energy.  The day is so hot I could suffocate. The humidity is out of control.  I feel as if I'm in a fog.  So then I take a dip in this refreshing pool.  I come out of the pool fully rejuvenated and at peace with mental clarity.

Well, post-meditation joy seldom happened to me.  So I simply stopped meditating often.  I would put it off for a week or month(s).  Yeah, no joke. I had no discipline about it.  But no worries, I was gently reminded to stop being a lazy ass fairly recently.  I talked to a good friend, Vani, last week.  I've known Vani for a few years -- she is a yoga teacher and artist.  I was shocked to learn that she is also a student of reiki.  I told her that I am about to start my own reiki journey.  Vani said to me, "Reiki is like yoga and meditation. You must have discipline and practice."  When Vani told me this, her words popped out at me in bold and in yellow highlight.  I took her message to heart.

Granted, it's been less than a week, but I've given up expectation.  It doesn't matter what the effects of meditation will be.  I will do it everyday.  For me, 10 minutes before bed works fabulously.  I listen to gong music and focus on my breathing.  Of course a million thoughts keep popping into my head -- "Did you pick up milk at the grocery store."  I push the thought out of my head and another one pops in -- "Shit, I think my upper lip is hairy."  I push that thought out of my head.  I'm teaching myself a new skill -- still my mind!!!  I'm also waking up every morning and doing yoga.  I no longer have an expectation that I will do yoga for a prescribed time -- 60 or 90 minutes.  It would be awesome to do yoga for 90 minutes a day, but this should serve as a wonderful goal, rather than an excuse to procrastinate.  I will do yoga everyday for at least 20 minutes as soon as I wake up.  Yeah, I'm busy, but not so busy that I can't find time for 20 minutes of daily yoga and 10 minutes of daily meditation.  Commitment, it's on!

I have conviction and faith that daily meditation will make my life more joyful because it will directly help foster my relationship/connection with God (or whatever you want to call it).  Keep meditating, maybe you'll get your own conviction.  

p.s.  I realize now that the universe has given me all the tools I need from the get-go.  The universe put Vani into my life a few years ago.  I could have tapped into all of the knowledge she has on yoga/reiki/meditation, but I didn't.  I wasn't listening to the gentle nudges of the universe.  As soon as I was ready to listen, the universe started directly connecting me with people to help me on this journey (new and old friends).  The universe supports me.  In other words, "Jesus loves me for the Bible tells me so,"  is pretty right on (most religions endorses the belief that all of us are God's children and very much loved).