Monday, May 6, 2013

I'm Feeling Emo

And that is reason enough to not blog.  Nothing is wrong.  I have all these thoughts floating through my head -- they collide into one another and some just vanish after making an appearance.  Maybe it's because my youngest is turning one years old next month.  Maybe it's because so many of the things we dreamed of happening just did.  Or maybe it's just because I need to start meditating and make it a daily practice.  Le sigh, even writing this blog post I know why I'm feeling emo, it's time to meditate.  Why is that so daunting???

Even in this hectic state of mind, the signs are clear -- slow down, breathe and sit still.  Yesterday I was wiped out with violent vomiting from some crazy bug. I know it's time to go inwards and connect with the universal life force.  So I'm committing to a challenge of 15 minute meditation for 30 days (yes, I'm procrastinating and this commitment starts tomorrow and not at 11:58 pm).  Why 15 minutes? For some reason I keep coming across this website -- maybe it's a sign?

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Posted by Oni at May 06, 2013 | | Comments

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

At Peace, Be

I was invited to be part of a psychic workshop, for a lack of better words.  Essentially, Salsa had seen a hypnotherapist (Doc).  One of Doc's patients through hypnotherapy was able to connect to the divine light and be a channel.  In other words, in this state of mind, she can scan someone's body, communicate with divine energy/spirit guides and tell a person about their physical, emotional and spiritual health.

Salsa, A. Daria and I decided to go.  It FUCKING rocks to have a posse that is on the same wavelength as me.  They just get it. In turn, they help me get it.  GRATEFUL.

20 or so women all huddled together in a small apartment in Santa Monica.  My scan was beautiful. Here are some highlights:

  • I meditate beautifully
  • I'm blessed
  • I came into this world out of curiosity, I came to the workshop out of curiosity
  • My chakras and aurora looked great
  • I was told to keep doing what I was doing
  • My babies are doing great
  • I have good genes, but on a genetic level, I have hormonal imbalance (true dat, diabetes is rampant in my family)
Afterwards, I thought -- "okay, that's lovely.  but shit man, I'm supposed to do something.  i'm supposed to make a tangible difference.  i'm supposed to do good. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?"  I discussed with Salsa and A. Daria.

We all headed back to the car and 2 women were outside chatting.  I got a tangible sign from the divine.  They sparked up a conversation.  Out of the blue, the essentially told me that my I vibrated at a high level and I was contributing to making the world a better place by simply being.  They told me to send healing energy to Mother Earth, she needs it.  I will do so as soon I complete my Reiki II next year.

Simply being?  But.. but... but... what about having to suffer, hard work, etc.  Life isn't easy, right?

WRONG.

I meditated that night and asked the divine, "show me the next steps."  I heard a distinct voice, the voice of God and I was told:  Enjoy your life.  Be happy and grateful.  You are contributing by doing good, raising your children and by being.

I think I finally get it.  Be in the present. 

http://www.augustmayfield.com/uploaded_images/Be-in-the-Present-736932.jpg

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Posted by Oni at November 01, 2011 | | Comments

Monday, October 24, 2011

Getting Out of Your Own Funk

http://indiegirlloveadventures.com/storage/HappySad.JPG?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1301677767847
It's so easy to dwell in the negative, sometimes I think I'm an expert.  One bad thought enters my brain, and then I indulge in it.  It can feel so good to feel bad, sad, etc.  And then its starts snowballing and becomes -- woe is me, I can never get out of this funk, oh woe, oh woe, I have the worst life every, I'm a victim...

Saturday night I enjoyed amazing music at the Hollywood Bowl with Asian Daria.  It was a reminder that I can snap myself out of "the funk" at any any given moment.  I don't need stars in the sky and Robyn's magnetic voice to do that. The power comes from within.

The discussion soon turned to my outbreak of eczema lately, I blame it on chubby.  And I keep picking and scratching -- neither of these habits do any sort of good.  I know this, but I choose to continue my pattern.  Then a eureka moment -- eczema is a physical manifestation and I can choose to keep my little fingers from scratching, itching, peeling; yet, I chose for so long not to do this and helped perpetuate my itchy flaky self.  MY GOD, if I can't stop itching, how the hell am I going to stop negative thoughts from entering my brain.  Perhaps this eczema is a blessing in disguise.

I need to transform myself from the inside, but that's hard, isn't it?  So, since my automatic reaction isn't to necessarily stop from itching or having negative thoughts, I need to literally say out loud, "KNOCK IT OFF.  THIS DOES NO GOOD.  STOP IT."  Eventually, my inner self will start getting the point. I am no victim to bad habits.

Asian Daria and I made a pact to find the time daily to meditate and text/email each other to stay accountable.  I find the time to brush my teeth, floss, put on sunblock, etc. daily.  It makes no sense to focus all of this energy on my outer body and not my inner self, my energetic being and higher consciousness 

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Posted by Oni at October 24, 2011 | | Comments

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Finding Time & Wanting Tomorrow

Where can I find time?  How can I find more time?

I'm a full-time working mom of toddler twins.  My partner has a very hectic job and is required to be a slave to his crackberry.  I'm also an intensely social person with many interests (primary interest being my spiritual journey).



Here's how my weekdays usually look:

5:55 am wake up
6:15 -7:45 am yoga
8 - 5 pm work while nanny turned friend watches kids
5-6 pm  play with kids
6-7 pm  prepare and serve dinner (for kids)
7-8:30 pm play with kids, clean up, wind children down for bed
8:30 - 9 pm sometimes the kids cry, sometimes they want water, sometimes they want "blankie", etc.
9 - 10 pm spend time with my partner
10 pm bed

This schedule doesn't even include friends, book club, pursing my interests, dates with hubby, grocery shopping, running errands, etc.  I could choose to sleep less and be sleep deprived; however, I would then definitely need caffeine in the morning.  I'd rather not drink coffee.  I'd rather just drink a cup of tea.  I'd rather honor my body and get rest instead of being fueled on artificial stimulants.

In my heart, I know my schedule is not working for me.  I'm enjoying my life as much as possible, but most of the time suck is my job.  I definitely enjoy my job.  That said, my job is my least favorite activity in my day, I'd much rather work 20 hours a week and have time to live life more.

Today, I've been in this place of "I don't know."  I don't know how to manifest 20 hours of work week.  I want it now.  I feel very much trapped in the present.  How awful is that.  I'm pining away for the hopes of tomorrow where I will have what I want.  That sort of thinking makes me feel heavy.

The process of writing has brought me clarity and peace.  I have set my intention.  I want to work fewer hours a week.  I will meditate on how to make that happen.  In the meantime, I need to have faith that everything will work out and enjoy each moment (not look forward to the future).  I am blessed to have wonderful friends, family and so many hobbies/interests -- my life is too full, I suppose that ain't so bad of a problem to have.

Note:  I understand many families have much more hectic schedules (i.e., mom and dad working different shifts to support their family).  I simply do not believe that life has to be that hectic.  I don't expect it to be that difficult.  Heaven is on earth.  I believe I am here to gain experiences and develop in this life.  Life has presented a wrinkle, it is up to me to decide how to deal with it and make changes for my highest good.

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Posted by Oni at September 21, 2011 | | Comments

Friday, September 16, 2011

Grace Light Meditation

I did Dr. Pillai's grace light meditation yesterday with a circle of women.  WOW.  So what is grace light?
Grace Light is the incredibly radiant light of the Divine within us -- compassionate, intelligent and almighty. Grace light is not the light of the sun or any physical light. It is an explosive inner light, more brilliant and powerful than the sun, described by the saints, prophets and enlightened masters of all faiths throughout the ages. It has the incredible power to know and do everything. As Grace Light empowers us, our hearts and minds will be ignited with divine inner radiance and intelligence.
Image source:  http://thesimplestways.com/images/w_m_grace_light_dark.jpg
Grace light also diffuses old karma.  The actual meditation itself was an intense trip.  During the meditation we visualized grace light entering our charkas.  I did all of the gates (1-9).  At one point, while staring at Dr. Pillai's face as he transmitted grace light, I saw his face morph into several gurus and spiritual leaders throughout time.

More importantly, we created a very beautiful space.  A space for women to commune, discuss, share information and grow and develop together.  How incredibly beautiful.  Some of the most powerful moments of my life has been in community with wise and loving women.

I woke up today feeling much more light, mindful and at peace.  I don't feel any stress in my body.  It's easier for my mind to be still.

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Posted by Oni at September 16, 2011 | | Comments

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Gayatri Mantra



Yesterday, during Reiki class, I asked God -- "Show me how to connect with you." 10 seconds later, my teacher started talking about this one mantra she really likes. I immediately piped up and said, "which one."  I knew I should meditate to this mantra.  This morning I listend to the Gayatri mantra (I love this song, I grew up hearing this!) and did reiki on myself and meditated. I need to strengthen my meditation practice, next time, I will sing this song while I medidtate.  Ready to start my day.

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Posted by Oni at July 30, 2011 | | Comments

Monday, July 25, 2011

Meditation -- What the FUCK is it?

http://www.spiritualhealingportal.com/images/photo/chakra-meditation1.jpg
My problem is that I'm a perfectionist.   I've had a few amazing experiences with meditation, usually a guided meditation with inspiring gong music, where I felt joyful afterwards.  Picture it:  you get into the meditation groove, all of a sudden you are floating outside of your body (completely awake), and then you come out of the meditation and you feel joyful and at peace.

The best visual I have for this joyful mediation experience is taking a dip in a pool that is God/The Source/Divine/Cosmic Energy.  The day is so hot I could suffocate. The humidity is out of control.  I feel as if I'm in a fog.  So then I take a dip in this refreshing pool.  I come out of the pool fully rejuvenated and at peace with mental clarity.

Well, post-meditation joy seldom happened to me.  So I simply stopped meditating often.  I would put it off for a week or month(s).  Yeah, no joke. I had no discipline about it.  But no worries, I was gently reminded to stop being a lazy ass fairly recently.  I talked to a good friend, Vani, last week.  I've known Vani for a few years -- she is a yoga teacher and artist.  I was shocked to learn that she is also a student of reiki.  I told her that I am about to start my own reiki journey.  Vani said to me, "Reiki is like yoga and meditation. You must have discipline and practice."  When Vani told me this, her words popped out at me in bold and in yellow highlight.  I took her message to heart.

Granted, it's been less than a week, but I've given up expectation.  It doesn't matter what the effects of meditation will be.  I will do it everyday.  For me, 10 minutes before bed works fabulously.  I listen to gong music and focus on my breathing.  Of course a million thoughts keep popping into my head -- "Did you pick up milk at the grocery store."  I push the thought out of my head and another one pops in -- "Shit, I think my upper lip is hairy."  I push that thought out of my head.  I'm teaching myself a new skill -- still my mind!!!  I'm also waking up every morning and doing yoga.  I no longer have an expectation that I will do yoga for a prescribed time -- 60 or 90 minutes.  It would be awesome to do yoga for 90 minutes a day, but this should serve as a wonderful goal, rather than an excuse to procrastinate.  I will do yoga everyday for at least 20 minutes as soon as I wake up.  Yeah, I'm busy, but not so busy that I can't find time for 20 minutes of daily yoga and 10 minutes of daily meditation.  Commitment, it's on!

I have conviction and faith that daily meditation will make my life more joyful because it will directly help foster my relationship/connection with God (or whatever you want to call it).  Keep meditating, maybe you'll get your own conviction.  

p.s.  I realize now that the universe has given me all the tools I need from the get-go.  The universe put Vani into my life a few years ago.  I could have tapped into all of the knowledge she has on yoga/reiki/meditation, but I didn't.  I wasn't listening to the gentle nudges of the universe.  As soon as I was ready to listen, the universe started directly connecting me with people to help me on this journey (new and old friends).  The universe supports me.  In other words, "Jesus loves me for the Bible tells me so,"  is pretty right on (most religions endorses the belief that all of us are God's children and very much loved).

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Posted by Oni at July 25, 2011 | | Comments

Friday, February 23, 2007

How I Meditate. How Do You Meditate?

How I Meditate...
  1. I start with music. The music helps to relax me and bring me to a meditative state. A personal favorite is Golden Bowls (Tibetan Singing Bowls).
  2. I lie down on a comfortable spot. I generally prefer my bed. If I feel tension in any part of my body, I envision the tension releasing from my body. I try not to move and “still” my body.
  3. If any random thoughts enter my mind, I don’t fight them. I let the thoughts be while I continue to breathe deeply.
  4. I start going through a running list in my mind of all that I am grateful for. For example when I think of my gratitude of having a loving husband, I play scenes in my mind of memories of my marriage that make me smile. I essentially run several video clippings in my mind.
  5. Manifesting: (Playing make believe) I want a baby, thus I play an imagination game and pretend that I am pregnant. I imagine a positive pregnancy test and the sheer joy I feel as I run to tell hubby. I imagine what it would be like to feel my baby grow inside of me. I imagine my big pregnant belly and swelling breasts. I focus on the happiness that I will feel; I feel this future joy in the present moment.
  6. With each breath I imagine pink light going through my chakras into my uterus and cocooning my womb.
  7. I imagine my baby in my arms and chant an affirmation. I like to use “tubby” or “tubby is here, I’m pregnant.” Tubby is what hubby and I call our little Benjabi.
  8. If any negative thoughts enter my mind, I push them away. I tell myself that I surely know that my baby is on his way.

Your turn: Share on how you mediate please!!!

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Posted by Oni at February 23, 2007 | | Comments