Manifest My Desire

I can't even believe I am typing this. I am so happy that it is oozing out of my pores. I went to a different OBGYN today to get a second opionion about my fertility. Of course they gave me a pregnancy test and it was POSITIVE!!! The doctor thinks I'm 3 weeks along. I can not even express my happiness.

I know that I should wait to tell people b/c the first few months can be risky but I can't hold this information inside of me. I had to share with my family and friends. I can't stop smiling.

Interesting things:
My breasts are huge. I thought I was getting my period
My skin has been crazy amaing, like glowing (I kid you not).

Everyone who knows me, if you get a second, meditate/pray that this baby will be healthy and happy.

Posted by Oni at November 30, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

One of the highlights of the holiday was a conversation hubby and I had with my MIL. The topic of baby came up as she knows that we are currently trying to get preggers…

MIL: Beti, are you, you know taking your temperature?
Me: Uhm, what do you mean?
MIL: Okay, every morning, first thing you must take your temperature EVEN
before you get up.
Me: Okay
MIL After 14 days after your period, your temperature should go high and then…
Me: [Holy Mother, what is this woman going to say to me…]
MIL: You have to you know, conceive the baby right away.
Me: Uhm, okay. Thanks!
MIL: No.This is very important. You and hubby maybe very late for work those
days.
Me: [When is this conversation going to end]
MIL: It’s important that after the conceiving, you must lay to your RIGHT side
and squeeze your legs tightly. The right side is very important!! Don't wait, first thing in the morning, you must conceive.

**All seriousness, MIL is pretty cool to talk about taboo subjects like sex! On top of it, my dad had to bring up my husband’s sperm when the baby came up. My dad doesn’t say sperm, he say spurum.

Labels: baby, family, humor

Posted by Oni at November 27, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

I took the day off from work today b/c I woke up with a fever. Luckily, I feel much better now and have the energy to pack. I can barely wait until hubby gets out of work and we drive up to NoCal to celebrate the holiday with our families.

What I am thankful for (the list is too long, so I'll highlight a few):

• Fate led me to California where I found the love of my life.
• Having the coolest parents in the world.
• Grateful to have a little brother. Not so little anymore, he's 23! I am so happy that we are close.
• Having the kind of friends that I can honestly call family.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! May you and your loved ones have a wonderful holiday.

Posted by Oni at November 22, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

My friend’s father passed away and of it completely saddened me. Death put me at a loss for words. I didn’t know what to say or do to be able to comfort my friend. In reality, there is probably nothing I can do except keep his father and him in my heart and prayers.

This in turn led me to start thinking about my own father. My dad has always been spirited and passionate. He’s my hero. My dad’s diabetes led to kidney failure which in turn led to hemo-dialysis.. he got a kidney transplant a year later… then he got cancer… which led to the chemo… which led to I don’t know where.

It was surreal to hear him on the phone last night tell me that he feels sick all the time and everything always hurts. What am I supposed to say to that? I haven’t even started to acknowledge the fact that he may not get better. I can’t deal with that. My husband tells me to prepare myself – what does that mean, I can’t even comprehend that.

I just feel massively guilty. Do I see him enough? Am I there for him enough? Can I be doing more? Whatever I’ve done for him pales in comparison to the way he has always been there for me. How do I feel good about that? What is my role supposed to be right now?

One of my vivid memories about my dad is when I was 10 years old and we were at Riverside Amusement Park in Western Massachusetts. My mom wouldn’t go on any of the rides because she was scared. But my dad and I were a team; we ran to every crazy ride and cried out in sheer delight as the speed of the roller coaster made us lose our breathe and caused our tummies to drop. We ran around eating cotton candy and ice-cream. Now he’s at home, by himself most of the day while my mom works, with little energy to enjoy anything. Thank god medical marijuana is legal in California because it is the only thing that makes him feel good and alleviate the pain (eff anyone who is against medical marijuana).

I don’t want my dad to be sick. I don’t want him to ever die. I want to be able to freeze time because I feel like I’m running out of it.

Labels: dad, family

Posted by Oni at November 21, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

I’m not the type of girl to have a lot of friends. I may have a lot of acquaintances, party people, but few good friends. Being the overanalyzing drama queen I am, I must overanalyze this!

Whenever I chill with someone, even if it’s someone I chill with quite often, I generally doubt his or her friend potential. These gals are fun and smart and I do love chilling with them, however in the back of my mind I do think the following:

-did she have a good time?
-will we chill again?
-do I want to chill with her again?

There are 3 possible reasons I may feel this way and as a result have few friends: (1) I am fundamentally insecure; (2) I have created a very high friend bar; or (3) Friendship boils down to chemistry.

(1) I am fundamentally insecure

I know all of us have our own insecurities; but I am happy with who I am and consider myself to be pretty cool. I like me:) Moving on…

(2) High Bar

The few friends I have are friends that I trust 100%. I know these people will always be there for me. I don’t worry that in years to come we will grow apart. I can be on the phone and talk about nothing or chill at my pad and eat snacks and chat or talk sh*t. You know what I mean, the kind of friends you can do anything with anywhere and it’s completely fun.

Perhaps…. I don’t really like people. I subscribe to the “I know who I like and I like who I know” philosophy. You have to be pretty effing cool to be let into my secret circle.

(3) Chemistry

After meeting someone even for the first time or the first few times I get a vibe/energy/signal from them that isn’t tangible. Some people just have that energy that causes me to instantly drop my guard and that’s pretty rare for me. I’d say I’m a pretty stand-offish person, can come off as bitchy or cold. And it’s true: I don’t like lots of people. So I’m either going to get a good vibe and open up to you right away or be cold towards you.

In sum, I think I’m hard to please. At the same time, it’s pretty obvious if I like you and that’s a good thing. I don’t hang out with people I don’t like. But out of the people I do chill with, very few of them are people who I consider to be true friends or have what I call friendship-potential. I’ve only made a few friends down in LA and I like it this way.I’m glad I did the overanalyzing thing, I feel much better. 

Posted by Oni at November 19, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

Every girl needs a black cocktail dress that fits her body like it’s nobody’s business. I don’t have one. I desperately need one. The hunt has begun.

The holiday party at hubby’s work has inspired the hunt. I know it’s going to be at a swank-ass place in Beverly Hills and cocktail dress is a necessity. Plus, I can rationalize this need – every gal needs that perfect black dress for emergencies i.e. weddings and funerals.

I’ve found some really cute stuff online but I’m just asking for trouble ordering a dress online. The last dress I ordered online had to be tailored and I don’t want to play that game again.

I need a dress that’s really going to fit me and make me look sexy and classy simultaneously without looking frumpy. I don’t have hips and I’m pretty skinny and I do not want to look like I’m swimming in a dress. I usually stick to wearing 2 pieces b/c it’s simply easier to fit my body. Any suggestions before I hit the stores this weekend?

Labels: Fashion, Firm

Posted by Oni at November 14, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

I spent the entire weekend just with hubby. I nursed his cold. We ran errands, cooked dinner together, simply spent 2 glorious days with each other.

After finishing up dinner on a Sunday night, my husband looks at me and says, "I love you so much... I just always have fun with you." I couldn't ask for more.

Posted by Oni at November 12, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

When I woke up this morning my darling baby was sick. I had made plans with J Dogg to watch Aerosmith for insanely cheap tonight; however, when hubby is sick duty calls. He had a sore throat and my to-be-mom instincts took over. I made him gargle with a mixture of hot water and salt of course. He refused to drink a warm cup of doodh. But I was able to coax him to take one sucrets and an advil. I really enjoy taking care of my sick hubby. There's a pleasure of stroking his hair while he rests his head on my laps and looks at me with his tired green eyes. It makes me feel all fuzzy inside.

Being sick sucks, but having a buddy there to hold you and love you and take care of you can make being sick quasi-fun. I'm off the store to buy gingerale and vanilla ice cream to make milk shakes for hubby!

Posted by Oni at November 11, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

2 blogs I want to highlight:

My friend J Dogg started a blog recently and it's insightful and witty. I've known her since I was 14 -- jeez that's going to be 14 years soon. A sign of getting old I suppose. But I heart her, she's one of my best-friends and I'm glad I have her in SoCal. I'm siked about seeing her tomorrow!!!

Dilly Barr and I have known each other since age 12. She's my girl. The person that if I hadn't eloped would be my maid of honor. Yeah, she's that person to me. If I had a sister I wish it would have been her. She's a smart cookie. Unfortunately her laptop is temporarily broken but she promises me that as soon as it's up and running she'll be blogging again.

Old friends are amazing. The kind of friends who knew you when you were little and have seen you grow up, yet change with you so you never fall out of touch or stop understanding each other. What I love about both of these wonderful ladies is that I never hesitate to be myself with them. There's simply no front and never has to be. I never worry whether in the long run they'll remain my dear friends. I never doubt their sincerity or trustworthiness. I know we have each other's back. Longevity is a sign of a great friendship. Love you both dearly.

Posted by Oni at November 10, 2006 | Permalink | Comments

Good News Bears: I have a 4 day weekend. Thursday is my day off every week and today is a federal holiday (Veteran's Day).

Bad News Bears: Had a raging fever on Wednesday, completely congested, and thought my head was going to explode. Spent all of Thursday sleeping in. Finally am recovering, but pissed b/c I didn't get to enjoy every moment of my 4-day weekend. *Sigh* have mad errands to run. I best get with it.

Posted by Oni at November 10, 2006 | Permalink | Comments