Expectations/Compromise
What you see is what you get with men. I believe this. My husband put it all out there when we first met, especially about his career plans. Hubby has worked 110 hours in the past 7 days... I wish I were kidding. Do I like it? NO. I miss my baby. I didn't marry him for the money, he was a broke ass student of 22 when we met. The money don't mean a thang to me, I'd prefer his company and less benjamins.
I don't feel like I can say sh*t. I mean, I knew what I was getting into. A few of my friends know of my desire to have kids and have chastised me for it. They raise their eyebrows and say, "but is he going to continue working these crazy hours with a baby?" I politely nod and say "yup, probably for 5-10 more years." They're shocked!
Here's the thing, once again, I knew what I was getting into. I know that everything will fall on my shoulders in terms of child-rearing and household duties.. This is why I'm not going to work, well I'll work if I can work from home.
Of course this sucks. But I always knew it would. Yeah, it still sucks, even though I know. But I am at peace. I love my husband. I knew I was marrying a workaholic who had ridiculous career goals. I don't think it's fair to change him or judge him. Supportive is my middle name.
P.S. My pregnancy will be an immaculate conception as hubby has been coming home on average around 3 am.
I don't feel like I can say sh*t. I mean, I knew what I was getting into. A few of my friends know of my desire to have kids and have chastised me for it. They raise their eyebrows and say, "but is he going to continue working these crazy hours with a baby?" I politely nod and say "yup, probably for 5-10 more years." They're shocked!
Here's the thing, once again, I knew what I was getting into. I know that everything will fall on my shoulders in terms of child-rearing and household duties.. This is why I'm not going to work, well I'll work if I can work from home.
Of course this sucks. But I always knew it would. Yeah, it still sucks, even though I know. But I am at peace. I love my husband. I knew I was marrying a workaholic who had ridiculous career goals. I don't think it's fair to change him or judge him. Supportive is my middle name.
P.S. My pregnancy will be an immaculate conception as hubby has been coming home on average around 3 am.
Labels: compromise, marriage
IMMACULATE CONCEPTION! Bwahahahahahaha! I love it.
Posted by
roonie |
March 9, 2007 at 12:23 AM
I guess all you can do is remind yourself if you would be better off without him, and it sounds like the answer to that is no. Just keep reminding him, he can go in house after 8 years and then will have more time for the family.
Posted by
Pritilata |
March 9, 2007 at 8:08 AM
BC,
it's profound that you've realized the compromises you are willing to make. after the kids are born you'll have to remain vigilant not to take it personally that work is a priority over time with the kids. i think it's easier to understand a husband's time spent at work as a wife but much more difficult as a mother. but kudos to you for being understanding and realizing that your husband was honest about it and you accepted it. remember this blogspot and always remember that no one gets absolutely everything all at once in life - it's always a balancing act. p.s. i'm learning a lot from your supportive attitude!
Posted by
Zed |
March 9, 2007 at 10:38 AM
Zed-
You know how to make a girl feel good. This is what I love about blogging, building community and finding support!
Pritilata-
Can't live w/o hubby!!! I'll see what hubby does in 8 years.
Posted by
Bengali Chick |
March 9, 2007 at 10:43 AM
After almost 9 years with mine, I am finally becoming comfortable with the idea of compromise and not changing him. I love him as always, and he is the same man that I married back then. We always find a way to make it work. Even if sometimes it gets difficult to see a way through it all...
Posted by
It will pass... |
March 9, 2007 at 3:30 PM
There's always the baster method.
You're being stronger than I probably would be.
Posted by
CM |
March 10, 2007 at 11:10 AM
And your hubby's lifestyle is exactly why I will NEVER work for a big firm.
Posted by
Mediocre Blogger |
March 12, 2007 at 6:44 AM
As long as there's immaculate foreplay as well ...
Posted by
Maitri |
March 12, 2007 at 6:02 PM
i'm really interesting in how this plays out in your life, BC, b/c i often have the same issue with my husband. he doesn't work quite as much as yours, but he's also in school, so he's probably a zombie just as much.
i vaccilate between "i signed up for this" and "times change, so people should change." i don't behave the way i did before i got married. (it's kinda not cool to hang out in bars until 2 am trying to meet dudes when you are married...) and half of the time i think husband should modify his lifestyle accordingly.
on the other hand, i agree with you that if i'm not going to "work" then someone has to... and i should give him a little leeway, since i'm not clamoring to run out and get a 9-5 gig.
good luck.
Posted by
kit and kumari |
March 13, 2007 at 7:42 AM
You're clearly a great and devoted wife.
But this post is tagged "compromise" ...where's the compromise in this set-up, especially with a kid?
Posted by
PBB |
March 18, 2007 at 8:20 PM
PBB: Hmm, the compromise... I compromise. But I expected to?
Posted by
Bengali Chick |
March 18, 2007 at 8:44 PM