Manifest My Desire

My reproductive endocrinologist (Dr. S) told me that this test would not hurt. He said it would feel like period cramps. I was slightly nervous. But whatev, I've had my period since age 12, I can deal with period cramps.

I was told to change into a flimsy hospital nightgown. I walked into the procedure room with hospital gown and rocking fuzzy suede slouchy boots. I lay on the cold metal table waiting for Dr. S. He came into the room and asked me to come closer to him with my legs spread. I felt uncomfortable. My OBGYN is a woman. Dr. S is a youngish man. I wished my husband were in the procedure room holding my hand. He performed a hysterosalpingogram. He inserted a catheter into my uterus. A dye was released. Immediately I had the worst cramps of my life. I can't even call them cramps. I felt like someone was stabbing me repeatedly. As soon as the procedure was over I lay in the fetal position. I could hardly walk. A nurse had to help stand me up. Dr. S started talking to me about freezing eggs or some crazy shit. I was about to pass out. I hadn't eaten anything in 15 hours -- I had blood drawn that required fasting.

I foolishly got into my car and my hands were shaking. I was in no condition to drive. All I wanted to do was lie down in my bed. I was crying in the car because the pain was so incredibly intense. For the first time in my life I threw up from pain. My vomit was pure bile. Luckily I was able to pull over at a gas station as I puked my brains out. I was on the verge of calling 911. I just didn't think I was going to be able to make it home. I came close several times to fainting, it's such a weird head drain feeling. I unfortunately came home and found a good amount of blood on my panties and on my brand new Lucky jeans. Fuck!!!

Literally the worst pain of my life. I still have cramps but they're better. During the height of the pain I called my husband and said, "I can't do this. Fuck this fertility shit. I'm done." But now I feel much better. I have forgotten the horrible uterus pain. I'm back on board with plan fertility.

Dr. S is calling me tomorrow to discuss our fertility options.

Labels: fertility

Posted by Oni on Monday, January 7, 2008 at January 07, 2008 | Permalink