Having children terrifies me. Right now life is pretty freaking awesome. I get to jet set around the world. If my husband is on a business trip, I can book a ticket and join him with no worries. If a friend invites me to an impromptu happy hour, I just need some lip gloss and I'm ready to go. More importantly, I can be completely and totally self-absorbed.I absolutely adore my life in Los Angeles.
Kick ass husband -- Check
Kick ass friends -- Check
Kick ass social life -- Check
I can party like a rock star -- as evidenced from this pic last week at a party in the Hollywood
Hills where I had a bit too much fun.A baby will ruin my social life. I know this sounds so shallow. I know it does. But my social life is important to me. So much of my identity comes from work and my social circle. I'm terrified that I'm going to absolutely resent my children. My co-worker, who's 29, has 2 kids and she told me "I love my kids but I don't know if I should of have them. I'm envious of your life."
I like my freedom. I'm not done exploring, discovering and working on ME. Yes, ME ME ME b/c I am self-obsessed.
But. But. But. I know I'll want kids one day. And I have fertility issues. And my doctor has said thank gawd I'm trying now. But I think it would be better if I could wait until I was 35, maybe even 40!
Yeah, this is all clear as mud. Maybe I'm just selfish.
3 comments:
I think those feelings are totally normal, and everything you said is very true and rational. But luckily the way you feel about your kids once you have them is totally irrational. If we felt about them the way we should, like being resentful and mad at the lack of sleep and sex and money, etc., no one would have more than one (or any at all). I won't tell you that you won't miss certain things about your life post-baby, but I can say with absolute certainty that you won't care as much as you may think. They add so many great emotions and experiences that you didn't even know you were missing before.
And kids don't have to take all of that out of your life. I'm a big believer in babysitters and time out with friends and your husband. You still matter!
it ain't selfish, honey-- it's real. i'm learning in real time exactly how hard it is to manage anything else BESIDES taking care of a child, at least for the first five months (and counting).
even though i though i was ready, i wasn't prepared for the ways in which my life would change. husband and i had our first meal alone together for the first time since baby was born just this past weekend. wow.
on the other hand, i can also attest to the reality that the sacrifice won't really feel like a sacrifice most of the time--only when you are TOTALLY sleep deprived and the baby is really cranky. :) when everyone is having a good day, its way better than the cosmopolitan life because, well, its all REAL.
btw-- missed reading you. will make more of an effort to read and comment.
Thanks ladies! K-n-K: I read your post about having your first meal alone with the hubby. I suppose it's all worth it for that cute little bundle.
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