ZONKERS, refound my blog (THIS blog) from 2005

Wow, it's cringe worthy in all of its honest glory.  I am in the middle of re-reading almost 500 posts.  It's awesome to relive most of my mid and late 20s and also incredibly embarrassing.  So much ego, vanity, immaturity, etc.  I was most definitely a bitch.  There are also the positives -- clearly all I did was have sex and gushed about my husband -- but of course in a completely over-sharing kind of way.  I would definitely slap the shit out of my former self and simultaneously give her a high 5 for not giving a shit.

I thought about deleting this blog forever.  But I couldn't do it.  Blogger also reminded me that I have created many blogs since my original blogging day.  I linked one of those blogs to this one because it seemed to be an appropriate continuance of my journey and the reason I started this blog.

But you guys, I did manifest my desires.  It's as if everything I dreamed of having and wanting is finally mine -- mostly peace and acceptance for this journey.  I am still married to the fabulous hubby (the sex still happens on just about the daily after almost 14 years of marriage) and we now have 4 beautiful children (after one round of IVF resulting in twins, I am now the kind of chick that will get pregnant from a sneeze).  I left my federal gig and am a full time homemaker.  My days are filled with children, yoga, bicycling, delicious food and lots of whining, crying, child led drama and exhaustion.  Hubby still works insane hours.  I have finally given myself permission to hire help so I can be the best mother possible.   Life is good.

Re-reading this blog has reminded me to always seek authenticity from myself.  It also reminded me to fucking put some makeup on and do my hair and not look so utterly nasty on the daily.

I have another blog these days -- mostly recipes for food and skincare -- but I miss this blog.  I miss this online diary connecting me to folks that became ride or die friends.  I might be back, but it's terrifying to be that open.  I got a facade of maturity to keep up!  Perhaps it's time to really surrender.

A blogger friend once wrote:

This is a blog. My personal accounting of life. My opinions. And an attempt to be an authentic record of where I am in the moment, rather than a prettied-up picture of the self I think I should present.

Perhaps it's time to really surrender. 

My Eczema Story: Chines Medicine, Leaky Gut & So Much MORE!

Eczema blows.  You get mad itchy -- so crazy itchy that it's quite easy to scratch off your skin -- then the skin heals and gets dry -- and then itchy again -- your skin starts to look NASTY.  I had eczema as a kid in Connecticut and it went into remission when I moved to California.  But then we did a stint in DC and the eczema came right back and followed me back to LA.

The eczema on my hands has been terrible (deep cuts in my fingers).  Some eczema above my upper lip and around my neck.  I saw many dermatologists and they told me the same thing -- sorry, no  solution for you, but here's some steroids for your skin, just be careful because it can eat away your skin.  *le sigh* But recently the eczema got crazy and I could see it on my arm and I freaked!  The eczema was spreading!

How?  Why?  I do yoga 3-4 times a week.  I meditate. I eat pretty healthy.  Tell me it ain't so...

Chinese Medicine

Guided by intuition I googled Chinese medicine and eczema and found a Chinese doctor in DTLA.  He put me on a 2 week treatment plan where I received once a week acupuncture treatments and a herbal tincture/tea to drink 3 times a day.  The herbal medicine was my primary treatment.  He told me that I had a fire in my stomach (inflammation) and that's the reason my stomach didn't convert food to energy as efficiently or elimination toxins.  In other words, my body sucked at providing itself proper nutrients and getting rid of junk/toxins.  The medicine immediately made me stop itching.  MIRACLE.  But this miracle came with a price -- drinking ass water 3 times a day (I shit you not, ass water).  It was the most heinous thing I have ever drank in my life.  I hated it.  I pinched my nose and shot gunned it down. GROSS is an understatement.

I was also told to avoid the following foods during the treatment:

• soda, coffee chocolate;
• fried & spicy food (too many stimulants):
• seafood (especially shellfish);
• dairy (milk, cheese, butter, etc.) & eggs;
• nuts & seeds;
• alcoholic drinks; and
• tropical fruit (kiwi, mango, pineapple, coconut, etc.)

I was told to eat more cooling foods:

• watermelon; and
• veggies (carrot, cucumber, lettuce, tomato, cabbage).

Lastly, I was supposed to avoid chemicals (i.e., chlorinated pools), newly constructed areas, dusty stuff, bug bites, and direct sunlight.  

2 weeks later -- My eczema was almost gone.  My hands were just about healed.  I wasn't as dry anymore.  My skin wasn't as dry!!The doctor wanted me to drink 2 more weeks of herbal medicine which is both pricy and nasty so I declined.  I felt as if the fire in my belly was under control and I could figure it out on my own. 


Leaky Gut

Okay, if my body wasn't absorbing nutrients properly, maybe I didn't have the right bacteria in my gut.  The bacteria (so many diverse species) break down food in our gut.  I started taking daily probiotics (my belly immediately felt better).  I also started taking 1 tablespoon of flaxseed oil in my daily green smoothie.


Clean Eating

Maybe it's a blessing or maybe it's a curse, but my body is really sensitive when I don't take care of it (i.e., get stressed which leads to immediate itching) or don't eat good clean food.  So I have no other choice than being healthy all the time.  Yoga & clean eating help keep the itching down to the point where it's almost all gone!


Elimination Diet

I'm basically staying on the Chinese doctor's diet (but I eat spicy food now).  I got itchy 2 hours after eating a hard boiled egg.  I woke up with wet outbreaks on my hands after eating wheat for dinner.  I dry brushed my skin.  Slathered on lavender oil and meditated (wet wraps, i.e., wet paper towels, work very well for crazy itching).  The itchy went away and I didn't break my skin with scratching.  I'm a vegeterian and it sucks losing both eggs and wheat.  I'll try these foods again in a month and see if I can beat the allergic reaction.  Corn seems to be undecided.  I'm pretty sure that dairy doesn't jive with my body but I will definitely do a test.


Final Thoughts

Eczema does not control me.  I can actually break the cycle of wet blisters, itching, scabs and dry skin.  I've been able to break the cycle for a month now.  My  hands look great and I can actually get a manicure without getting scared looks from the manicurist!  The eczema is not gone, but it no longer seriously impacts my life.  I only get itchy after I eat trigger foods (still continuing the elimination diet) or get stressed out.  I'm going to 100% beat this and I am just about there.

My stress has been greatly reduced by leaving my job 6 months ago to stay at home with my 3 young kids. I go to yoga 4 times a week and practice daily meditation with reiki.  Thank you eczema for teaching me to be more mindful every moment about my mind, spirit and body.

Vegeterian Menu Planning for Week of August 12th

When I don't menu plan, I spend a crazy amount of money at the grocery store.  Plus weeks like this where I missed going to the farmers market, I just don't feel very inspired.  So I'm in a pinch.  I'd love to give the kids a hunk of bread, some cheese and a bag of veggies but I think they'd revolt.  So instead, I checked out my trusty pinterest board and I have my menu plan down.

Monday:  rainbow chard pancakes + oven roasted green beans
I have rainbow chard leftover from last week.
Tip:  Soak black beans before going to bed to prep for tomorrow's meal.

Tuesday:  simple black beans + rice with a side of eggs (maybe wrapped up in a sprouted tortilla)
I have dried black beans and brown rice from Whole Foods in my pantry.  I have 2 dozen eggs in the fridge and mild salsa.
Tip:  Oven roast tomatoes in the evening to prep for tomorrow's meal.

Wednesday:  ricotta pizza
I'll probably buy lavash bread or pita (whatever is organic) and use as the dough for my pizza.

Thursday:  skillet sausage + polenta bake
I'll substitute the sausage with TJ's meatless meatballs.
Tip:  Make greek salad the night before so the flavors are all soaked up.

Friday:  greek salad + tofu sandwich
I'll double the dressing the greek salad recipe in order to have some pasta salad on hand for the weekend.  We usually go out to eat on the weekends or I empty out my fridge/freezer to macgyver up some food.

If this isn't enough food, I'll simply make another run to my local TJs or WFs.  I try not to stress out about my menu plan.  And if I really am in a pinch, I'll pick up food somewhere in Hollywood to supplement.

Quick & Easy Tofu Saag for Kids

 

I've recently started menu planning to bring down my weekly cost of organic foods.  Organic can get quite expensive when you just go up and down the aisles of Whole Foods or even Trader Joe's with no agenda.  This dish is super cheap if you use frozen organic spinach, sprouted organic tofu from TJ's and have spices on hand.  WFs seems to have the best prices for organic spices that I have found so far.  The Indian store has super cheap spices not usually organic.

Ingredients:

1 teaspoon cumin seeds

1 teaspoon turmeric
1/2 teaspoon cayenne

1/2 teaspoon store-bought or homemade garam masala
2 teaspoons ground coriander
1 teaspoon ground cumin 

1 block of sprouted TJ's tofu
1 (16-ounce package) frozen TJ's chopped spinach
1 medium onion, finely chopped  or food processed
1 teaspoon garlic/ginger paste (or just chop up some ginger and garlic)
1 pepper (I had jalapeno on hand and removed seeds for kids)

2 tomatoes

1/2 cup plain yogurt, stirred until smooth

Directions:

First, slightly  brown one block of bite size sprouted tofu in a bit of coconut oil.  You can always use paneer but I like the sprouted tofu.  Set the crispy tofu aside.

Then make the gravy or curry base.  In a large skillet, add a wee bit of coconut oil & add cumin seeds.  Let the seeds sizzle for 30 seconds or so.  Then add onions and cook until the onions are soft and brown (if the onions start sticking -- add water).  Then add garlic/ginger paste  and stir for a minute followed by the finely chopped pepper.  Next add the tomatoes until they cook.  Finally, dump the rest of the spices until everything gets fragrant.

Dump frozen spinach into the skillet.  Once the spinach has cooked slowly add plain yogurt for creaminess.   Add quite a bit of salt to lift & brighten the flavor.  Once the "saag" tastes right, add the tofu.

Serve with either brown rice or quinoa.  I personally think the brown rice works better with this dish.  This dish is loaded with veggies.  My soon to be four year olds and 1 year old love it!

But this is our playground, right?

My husband was tripping hard for having to write a check to the IRS for our quarterly taxes.  Yeah, it stinks and we definitely should have taxes/federal budget geared at things like socialized childcare/healthcare, paid university, etc. and not for paying for war and the likes of other nonsense.  I feel him.  But I thought he was tripping hard.  We are all healthy and our lives are full of love.  It's just a check and we can afford to write it.

I've learned that I can't change my husband or anyone else, all I can do is live my life in a way that will inspire him (them).  I try, I fail, but I keep trying to live my life as my highest self.

Saturday mornings are for us.  We put the kids in front of  Sesame Street after breakfast and took an hour to indulge in our us-ness.  But he was still tripping hard. So I asked him, "Do you think you were married to me in other lives?  Because I think I have been married to you in each and every one of them.  At the end of our journey, one of us exclaimed, 'earth was our playground and we worried way too much -- wanna do that again?'"  My husband smiled.

We get so wrapped up in goals and future events that we often miss out on the beauty of today.  I am the master of this moment and how I absorb my surroundings.  I can not control the future as hard as I try.  Life is filled with uncertainty; however, the demise of my physical body is certain.  So either I dance with life no matter what she throws at me, or I allow myself to marinate in negative feelings.  I have a clear vision of how it will be when I meet up with my husband at the other side of the after-life tunnel -- I will say to him, "Damn, baby!  That was a blast.  Do you wanna do it again or chill for some time?"

Where's my milk from???

So I've been milk obsessed lately since my baby turned one years old and is now off formula (I still lust after nursing breasts).    I started doing research and it seems like goat milk is best and raw cow's milk is second best.  Goat milk was costing me around $17/gallon and raw milk was costing around $14/gallon.  FUCKING HOLY HELL -- I've got 3 kids, that's insane.  If you know of better priced options in Los Angeles, drop me a line. 

So I decided to go with regular ole organic milk.  But I read that some organic milks are ultra pasteurized which basically means it's dead milk and you can't even make yogurt from it.  That's fucked up -- dead organic milk???  So I called up Trader Joe's and asked them where their organic milk is sourced from and they had no idea.   Then I called up Whole Foods and they had no idea.

Are you kidding me?  How do you not know where your milk is sourced from?  SHAME.

I then went to my friend google and figured it out -- guess what, it's not rocket science!

First, go to this website and insert the dairy code that is on each and every container of milk.  Sometimes the milk is directly from a farm and other times its from a processing plant.  The dairy code should be easy to find... otherwise, I'd be a wee bit suspicious. 

Second, you can go to this website to get a rating and review of the dairy farm/processing plant.

I finally settled on Strauss Family Creamery for my family (also known as the cream top whole milk at Trader Joe's).  It's still expensive and it makes me sad and emo since many folks, including many in my own family, simply can't afford organic non-GMO foods (that will be another post where I rant and rave).

Now staff at TJs and WFs, please get informed so you in turn can inform your customers!!!  This shit ain't rocket science... but it's obviously a pain in the ass to figure out where your milk is sourced from.

Oh My Goodness Soba Noodles with Kale

Originally, I was planning on making this soba noodle salad.  Unfortunately, I was plum out of miso paste.  Regardless, the end result was so incredibly delish that my almost 4 year old exclaimed, "mommy, OH MY GOODNESS, I can't wait to eat these noodles!"

Cooked one package of 100% soba noodles according to the instruction on the package.  Drain noodles and wash with cold water until the noodles were cold.

I food processed 1 bunch of dinosaur kale because even kids with itty bitty fingers can't pick out tiny pieces of kale. Sauted the kale in coconut oil.  Added a splash of TJ's soyaki to cut the bitter kale-ness.  Dumped in yellow sliced zucchini to the pan  because it was going bad in my fridge.  Veggies cooked.

I then made a peanut dressing from this recipe. 

I combined the soba noodles, veggies, dressing and a splash of TJ's sesame ginger dressing.  Lastly, the noodles got topped with sunflower seeds for a nice crunch.