Manifest My Desire

That's been the debate -- moving East or North West. My heart has always been in Cali, so I've been pushing for North West. We've debated for almost a year. We have discussed the issue to death. At first we were planning on moving out East, we had our reasons. There was a lot of hesitations (the Right coast is not the Left coast and it's butt fuck cold out East). After much deliberation, I think we've decided that staying in Cali and moving to the Bay is the best for us. Nothing is set in stone yet, but I'm confident that we will be moving back to the Bay in the foreseeable future.

Roonie and AK: I can't wait for you guys to be back in Cali. You know that I would love it.

Brown Sugar and Island Girl: I hope our blogger dates are the start of something wonderful;)

I've been so afraid of writing this post. I just didn't want to jinx anything. I'm ready for change but also terrified. LA feels like home. Change can give me anxiety. I have a solid crew of wonderful friends in La La Land. The kind of friends that I feel comfortable calling and saying, "What you up to? Wanna chill? Okay, I'm coming over." No plans. No formalities. I love love love my LA girls. The stupid and irrational fear is that I won't have homies in the Bay. Like AK says, "logic must supersede emotion." Homies are important to me. I had them in Patheticut and I have them in LA. I for sure will have them in the Bay. There's too many cool peeps here (the blogging beauties I've met here proves just that).

I leave the Bay tomorrow, but I'll be back!

Posted by Oni at September 30, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

Let me count the ways:

1. I am in the Bay with my baby. It feels so good just seeing him. I have missed him so much. Nothing makes me happier than being with my husband. So ever grateful for having this amazing darling man in my life. I swear he got more handsome. It's true, everyday he just becomes more and more gorgeous. Magic!
2. I found the fuzzy brown boots I've been looking for. Got them at a steal -- $13 bucks!
3. My hotel has a beautiful heated pool and I found a bathing suit for $4.99! I can't wait to swim.
4. Temperature controlled bathtub is glorious. I suck at getting the perfect bath water temperature. I always scald myself. I haven't taken a bath in YEARS, maybe 10.
5. Walked in San Francisco with my wind blown curls, delicious soy latte and simply people watched.
6. Met blogger Brown Sugar. She's simply fabulous. I'm a slut, I have another blogger date with Island Girl tomorrow.

Posted by Oni at September 28, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

I love jewelry. I have what I consider lots of jewelery. All of my jewels are from my parents or from family for my wedding. I'm not a bling bling person. I hate spending frivolous money. I'm frugal and I love being frugal. Also, I really don't like the guilt associated with jewelery, specifically diamonds. I'm certainly not the most green or socially responsible person, but I try. It's important to me. I'm more than happy to spend money to be a more socially responsible consumer (hybrid, organic, fair trade, etc).

I'm not going to say that I haven't considered buying a huge rock. Hubby's asked and I've considered. I don't have an engagement ring, we eloped! I have 2 rings that I wear as my wedding band. They have tiny diamonds in them. Oops (but that was 3 years ago and I've grown and my views have changed for the better -- thank you Cali). I'd be lying if I said that I want a diamond SOLELY because I find it to be sparkly and shiny, hence beautiful. Come one, my cz's shine just as much as any diamond. Let's be real, I'd want a huge big fat rock so people can look at me and think 2 things: 1) wow, she has tons of money and 2) her husband must adore her. I don't want to be that person. I could easily become that person.

I did a search on socially responsible jewelry and found greenKarat:

Our greater goal at greenKarat is to end destructive gold and diamond mining. We do not, however, strive to force that change through radical activism. While activist organizations play a critically important role in educating and motivating consumers, we believe that widespread and permanent change will ultimately occur through the voice of consumer buying decisions.

Our mission is to provide an ecologically and socially responsible jewelry alternative to those who seek change. We want to help you, in some small way, become part of the permanent solution. Together we can make a difference.

How beautiful are these rings? The one above and to the left is called the Gatsby Redux, named after The Great Gatsby. I think it's utterly gorgeous. The rings are affordable and there is ZERO guilt. Let me tell you why this ring is beautiful:

• Cast in 18k recycled gold or 90/10 recycled platinum, with a bezel set created diamond.
• They do not handle freshly mined diamonds at all, preferring instead to use synthetic stones.
• The company uses Chatham created diamonds (They have the same chemical, optical and physical properties as their natural counterparts. The only difference is that one came from the ground and the other from a laboratory).

Posted by Oni at September 26, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

Posted by Oni at September 25, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

Hubby's still out of time. What's a girl to do with her free time? Drink with her friends (drink lots) and shop, but not at the same time. I went to Third Street Promenade with Shiny and checked out Lorin Shoe Store. I fell in love with Simple shoes, they're comfortable and have green toe shoes. But still, I felt guilty about spending $$. Today, on my way to the gym, I stopped by my local thrift store. I found BRAND NEW Simple Clogs for $5.99. I also picked up some other great steals.

vintage clothes = recycled = eco-friendly

Posted by Oni at September 24, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

I miss my baby. Monday night the crackbery went off in the wee hours of the morning. I heard hubby say something important to me but I was zonked out from ze sex. At 4 am I felt my buddy gently shake me awake. His bags were packed. He kissed me goodbye and jetted off for a business trip. The problem is that he may not return to my arms until mid-October.

I don't think I can handle not seeing him for so long. My brother, Shiny and Tum are visiting me this weekend. But every weekend until hubby returns, I'll be on a jet plane to see my buddy.

Labels: hubby

Posted by Oni at September 20, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

Well, life isn't stagnant and I feel that. That's a good thing, it means I'm alive. Anyhow, I'm hoping I can make some decisions soon. I'm being cryptic, yup not ready to spill the beans.






Me: i'm cracking up over here. oh my god. you are too much!


Me: i can have a gun and say bang! bang!


can i say bang bang and you say no?
Hubby: I'll do you to teach you a lesson!

Labels: career, hubby

Posted by Oni at September 18, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

I left CT to move specifically to San Francisco. That City will always have my heart. I had a beyond wonderful time in my beloved City.

• I saw Roonie. Nothing is better than meeting up with a good friend. It's like picking up where we left off in LA. I love you and miss you so much girl.
  
• Finally meeting blogger Maisnon and seeing her radiant smile, experiencing her warm energy and sense of humor first hand.
  
• People are so nice in the Bay. I can't tell you how many random people started a conversation with me. I miss that.
• I love that SF is so liberal -- that while I'm very liberal in LA, I probably am more moderate in SF.
  
• Being able to see family. Our entire family is in the Bay.
  
• My husband finally gets how important the Bay and family are to me. We're on the same page. And that means good changes will be happening soon.
  
• Nothing to do with SF but everything to do with hair: My husband was inspired to cut my bangs. My face is framed so well now!

**Pic above is from Roonie's blog.

Posted by Oni at September 17, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

I try not to think about it. I don't think I could function if I did. Most days I keep all of those thoughts out of my mind. I feel guilty for not thinking about him. I don't really want to. Being angry is easier. I can get through my day being angry. Why didn't you fucking take care of your health?

I was packing up to go to San Francisco this weekend to see Roonie. I pulled out my luggage and I saw his glasses. After he died, we cleaned the entire house. We got rid of everything that was his. We didn't want my mom coming home to all of those reminders. It was so hard just stuffing all of his things, his life, into garbage bags. He used to wear velcro sneakers. They were always the K-mart brand, he never spent any money on his clothes. My brother and I got him a pair of high quality boots for Christmas and he never wore them, I think he was afraid of ruining them. He alway put on Nivea cream, the one in the blue container, on his face. He used Johnson & Johnson baby oil on his hair. We just threw it all away. I kept 2 things, random. I had gotten him a fleece with my law school logo on it for his birthday one year, he wore it on special occasions. I also kept his glasses. I always made fun of them. They're ugly. They're fake gold with plastic tortoise shell covering. The plastic is chipped in many places.

In my luggage I found the glasses. I put them on and looked in the mirror. Did I look like him? I'm so pathetic, I smelled them, hoping they would smell like his Old Spice. They don't.

He's never coming back. I don't know why... but it just hit me while holding his glasses. This just fucking really sucks. I can't stop the flood of memories from coming into my mind. But none of them, not one singe memory, is good. It's all of him when he was so skinny and couldn't talk anymore. I just keep thinking about waking up, looking at his face, his mouth was open and eyes were closed and I knew. I touched him and he was so cold.

How does this happen? How can this be a part of life and hurt so much? I just want to hug him again. I want to stop hysterically crying. How is this ever going to be better?

Dad -- I want to fucking hate you for dying. How could you leave us? Why did you leave me?

Labels: dad

Posted by Oni at September 14, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

My book club is full of very intelligent girls (and one guy) but we really could not get over Britney's VMA performance (come on you know you love pop culture). I don't have cable so the girls and guy enlightened me on the suck ass performance and of course we watched it on youtube.



This was a comeback? I kind of can't stop watching this video. It really is beyond bad. Your back up dancers should clearly NOT outshine you during your comeback.

Book club speculation: the girl did a line of coke, got way too jittery, smoked mad weed to calm her nerves = wacked out zombie who can't dance or lip-sync.

Quoting Moon [pretending to be Brit-Brit], "That sucked ass, y'all."

Posted by Oni at September 11, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

It's fucking hard finding a good hairdresser. Can we say an "Amen" to that? In San Francisco, I found Theresa @ Cinta and she understood my curls and my hair always looked fabulous. After Theresa gave me a a haircut (it was more than a haircut, it was an experience), I was blown away by complete love for my curlicious locks. In LA I found Kelcey. Fug Kelcey. Kelcey is in rehab or some crap for her heroine addiction. So I ventured out to a *new* hair salon that had rave reviews and Fernando cut my locks. My hair is so blah. I wanted bangs. I didn't get bangs. Instead what I got was Fernando's advice on how to stay LA skinny:

• Breakfast = protein shake
• Lunch = veggies and low carb
• Dinner = protein shake

So no fabulous haircut. Instead I got advice on how to become a waif.

Labels: hair

Posted by Oni at September 10, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

Labels: hubby, love

Posted by Oni at September 08, 2007 | Permalink | Comments

Labels: birthday

Posted by Oni at September 04, 2007 | Permalink | Comments