Manifest My Desire

I accompanied hubby to make a deposit at 8:30 am. The receptionist had to check with the doctor before she let me accompany him into the porn room. She looked embarrassed as she said, "no saliva or body fluids besides the semen." So playing with the penis with my mouth was slightly out of the questions. No worries, I am creative. I took off my trench coat and surprised hubby with uber sexy lingere. My breasts looked awesome and full. It took no time to produce a sample. Who needs nasty porn when there's a real girl wiggling and writhing? I was super turned on.

[We seriously lucked out. It took sheer will power to not have sex last night. We were supposed to abstain for 24 hours. At one point of fooling around, hubby said, "come on, fuck it.. let's make love." I came so close to saying "fuck it" too."]

I arrived at the doctor's at 10:30. I had to lie down on the bed with the stirrups. I had time to listen to music and get in my zen-mode. I visualized my father in heaven with my child in his arms. I visualized the baby being sent down in a beam of light, kinda like Star Trek, to my womb. I felt my father's love and focused that love to my baby.

Dr. S came in and high fived me. I made him laugh with my turkey basting inappropriate jokes. I truly believe I'm his most entertaining and quirky patient. Hubby is such a damn over achiever. Dr. S gave his sperm 2 gold stars. The man produced 40 million high quality sperm. Dr. S inserted a catheter into my cervix. Luckily there was ZERO pain. Afterwards I just rested in the doctor's office listening to Bob Marley (upbeat and peaceful... only fear is that my kid will be a raging pot head!). Dr. S told me that one of his patients comes to the office always stoned out of her mind. Hmmm.. I'm getting ideas (j/k).

Now I'm home from work chillaxing. I'm not letting any negativity affect me.

My motto: Trust & Surrender.

Labels: fertility

Posted by Oni at February 27, 2008 | Permalink | Comments

He turned 26 a few weeks ago. That's crazy. It was just yesterday that we got married and he was a shiny 22 year old!

I made dinner. He has a *tiny* belly. Mmmmm ribs. Don't you just love my plates?

Posted by Oni at February 25, 2008 | Permalink | Comments

Dr. S is very cool. He high-fived me today. 2 eggs were developing as of last week. The ultrasound today revealed one nice juicy plump follicle holding my eggy. The other egg or follicle didn't continue maturing or is shrivelled up or something. That's fine by me -- the idea of twins is great but I don't want to carry more than one baby

Tonight I have to inject myself with an HCG trigger shot at precisely 11:30 pm. Anna, my coordinator, showed me how -- grab the fat below my belly button and insert the needle all the way in. She told me that it maybe difficult for me b/c I have such a lean belly (they know how to make a girl feel good at this clinic!).

Wednesday is Turkey Basting Day.

I'm anxious.... anxious that the procedure will work!!! Am I ready to be a mom?

Labels: fertility

Posted by Oni at February 25, 2008 | Permalink | Comments

Fertility treatments generally make people gain weight. Hormones do crazy shit to your body. And a lot of people get stressed out and eat more. I'm the opposite. The hormones don't make me extra hungry at all. When I feel stress, the last thing I want to do is eat. On top of that, b/c I'm trying to get preggo I've eating really healthy foods (more so than the usual healthful foods that I eat).

My size zero Lucky's were falling off of me last night. I had to keep pulling them up. Hubby came home and looked at me and said, "uhm this is not cool.... you need to gain weight."

I don't *feel* stressed out. I've been going out with friends and chillaxing and just having fun. BUT my neck/shoulder area is aching and it's where I carry my stress. I am subconsciously stressed about this cycle. Yesterday in the doctor's office I felt like crying, that's stress dudes. So I'm deluding myself if I think that my body isn't holding onto stress/worries/fears. Thank goodness for acupuncture, it really helps (I have an appointment tonight). I need to meditate and work passed this stress.

I'm putting this down on my blog to remind myself to be mindful of my weight. Being underweight does NOT help fertility issues at all.

Labels: fertility

Posted by Oni at February 22, 2008 | Permalink | Comments

My friend has a dream. She loves animals. It's her passion.

This is her idea:

Idea Description
I would rescue rehomeable animals of varying breeds and ages from high-kill helters and get them the training and medical attention they'd need to be rehabilitated and find forever homes. My goal is to be a one-stop resource for all holistic needs, including organic food and treats, advice, and links to quality, personally-recommended services (groomers, walkers, trainers, behaviorists, petsitters, vets, etc.). I would also like to have low-cost group training and various seminars that would be helpful to my patrons.

What will you do if you win $10,000 for this idea?
Rent a storefront, do the necessary paperwork and get permits, and start rescuing animals!

VOTE FOR HER. If she wins, I promise you, she will use the money to help animals. Just do it, it takes freaking no time at all and you can literally help someone achieve their dream by voting. Be a kind person!

Posted by Oni at February 21, 2008 | Permalink | Comments

Last night my acupuncturist told me I had deficient Yin and told me to eat beef or goat. I don't remember the last time I had red meat. I'm not a technically a vegetarian but I rarely ever eat meat. For you my future baby, I had a beef rib last night. At first I was grossed out. But I tasted the delicious BBQ flavor in my mouth and it was all good.

Hubby is a darling. He has gotten close to no sleep this week. He stumbled into bed at 5 am. He woke up at 7 to get ready for our doctor's appointment. He wanted to be with me for my ultrasound. I told him to get his ass back in bed.

Dr. S was 35 minutes late. I heard the receptionist calling him. He looked like he rolled out of bed and made a mad dash to the office. I've got 2 eggs. I have to go in on Monday for another ultrasound, get a trigger shot and probably inseminate on Wednesday. Dr. S told me to have sex every other day starting tomorrow. I freaked out.

Me: Uhm, are you telling me that I can't have sex everyday.
Dr. S: [looking at me like you hornball] You can have as much intercourse as you like... just no less than every other day.
Me: Oh thank gawd. Trust me -- we will!

I kept good on my promise. I went home b/c I had forgotten my lunch. Hubby looked hooooottt. I drooled. He could tell I was ready to play. He had a conference call but we put the phone on mute and played. I was mad late for work this morning. It was worth it!

Labels: fertility

Posted by Oni at February 21, 2008 | Permalink | Comments

I surf these mothering websites. Lots of women post about their infertility journey or trying to conceive in general. All of these women seem paranoid about making sure they have sex at the right time. For example, "I think I ovulated late and we stopped having sex too early!"

Seriously? Sex is a chore or something?

I have sex almost everynight. I love it. I really can't go more than 24 hours without love making. Maybe I'm a sex addict. Physically, sexually connecting with my husband is a number one priority for me. I never want to lose it. Awesome sex = Awesome mental connection (my opinion of course). Our bodies sync as one b/c our hearts and minds are in sync. Hubby worked from home this weekend and when he took breaks we dide the pokey dance. How I love sex-fest weekends. Like I've said before, I'm surprised I'm not burping up spermies.

The nurse at the fertility clinic told me to stop having sex on Wednesday b/c I have a trans-vaginal ultrasound on Thursday that will determine when I'm getting inseminated. I don't like someone telling me to not have sex. I made hubby call Dr. S. We got the green light to have as much sex as we want until Thursday. We may have to abstain 24 hours before the IUI.

Seriously... how am I not knocked up from all of this love making and orgasming? Mother Fucker.

Posted by Oni at February 19, 2008 | Permalink | Comments

Hubby called me last night and told me that he had to pull an all nighter. I made him a special Valentine and I was dying to give it to him. I didn't make a fuss (hubby is psycho busy at work right now). I told him I loved him. I sat on the couch and listened to romantic music b/c I couldn't fall asleep without being spooned. I started feeling all gushy hearing cheesy yet sweet love songs. I heard someone rustling the locks. I knew it was hubby. I ran to the door and startled him. There he was all bleary-eyed at 1 am with a long stemmed rose and heart shaped balloon. He said, "I didn't want to miss seeing you on Valentine's Day." We stayed up until almost 3 am talking, connecting and loving.

I could not care less about fancy V-day gifts. He took time out of his busy schedule to come home and see me. He let his mountain of work pile up higher b/c he knew that V-day is important to me. More importantly, I didn't have to ask him to do anything. He just did.

This morning he called me on his way to work, like he always does, and said in his uber sexy voice, "Happy Valentine's Day buddy." He apologized for keeping me up late at night. He said, "I just missed you and wanted to spend time with you."

I'm swooning. I love and cherish this man.

Labels: hubby

Posted by Oni at February 14, 2008 | Permalink | Comments

You Are Chardonnay

Fresh, spirited, and classic - you have many facets to your personality. You can be sweet and light. Or deep and complex. You have a little bit of something to offer everyone... no wonder you're so popular. Approachable and never smug, you are easy to get to know (and love!). Deep down you are: Dependable and modest Your partying style: Understated and polite Your company is enjoyed best with: Cold or wild meat

Posted by Oni at February 13, 2008 | Permalink | Comments

Labels: fertility

Posted by Oni at February 12, 2008 | Permalink | Comments

I bought plants. The first living things that I am nurturing in my house (husband not included). The picture above is not a weed plant, it's a false aralia and STUNNING. I purchased a moisture meter. I don't want to over or under water my assortment of plants. The moisture meter was $7.99 and I love it. It tells me how much moisture surrounds the root. I'm really getting into this plant thing. I wake up and open my windows. I let the SoCal sunshine in. I check the soil in each plant. I water as needed. This gives me hope that I won't let my future child starve.

Tomorrow I start my morning with a wand up my vagina for an ultrasound. I start my hormone therapy. In 30 days or so I'll find out if this IUI cycle is a success. Hopefully the plants will still be alive and I'll have a bun in the oven. Let's not get ahead of ourselves in the hope department.....I'm just hoping I don't kill my plants.

Labels: fertility

Posted by Oni at February 11, 2008 | Permalink | Comments

Some tips I found that women utilize before IUI or IVF:

• Detoxify liver: drink tons of water daily
• Eat healthy and avoid caffeine, alcohol, processed junk, ect.
• Warm the abdoment: heating pad daily and eat warming foods like ginger. Ginger tea everyday!
• Moderate excercise.. nothing too strenuous.
• Visualize the pregnancy
• Fresh pineapple juice or fruit after IUI
• Drink milk daily (damn that'll be hard)
• Take DHA (important for fetal brain development) and multi-vitamin

Labels: fertility

Posted by Oni at February 08, 2008 | Permalink | Comments

Hubby is too cute. He was ecstatic to find out the elementary school near our house is 1/2 mile away and fantastic in scores and testing and such. Le Sigh. He wants children so badly. He is eternally optimistic. He knows in his heart we will get pregnant. It's almost heartbreakingly sweet.

My period started today. I'm starting IUI this cycle. I think I start my hormones on Monday. Well that gives me 2 days to indulge in key lime martinis and general debauchery.

Bring on the fertility treatments!

Labels: fertility

Posted by Oni at February 08, 2008 | Permalink | Comments

I was listening to 104.3 on the radio on my way to work. I heard the radio dude talking about being from CT. Matt called in and said he too is from CT and it's rare to find peeps out here in LA. He then mentioned that he went to my high school. My high school was TINY, less than a 100 people in some remote area.

Crazy shit.

Go Huskies!!!

Posted by Oni at February 07, 2008 | Permalink | Comments