Manifest My Desire

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My nanny approached me around 5 last night.  She wanted to talk.  My brother watched the kids.  She asked me if I was upset.  At that point, I honestly wasn't upset about anything and told her so.  She didn't say anything. But her eyes looked watery and I knew she wanted to talk.

So I repaid her initiating a discussion by carrying the discussion forward.  I told her I had felt awkward because we never talked about the elephant in the room.  It told her I didn't know what our boundaries were -- employer/employee or sister/brother's girlfriend.  I told her the tension had been mounting.  I told her I had felt scared for my brother's heart.  In a nutshell, I explained that I had confidence in her abilities as a nanny and since she's only staying with me until the new baby arrives next month, we should make the most of our time to get to know one another outside of the employer/employee role.  I told her to feel more at ease and not feel the need to retreat into her room (i.e., chill on the couch with me).  I told her after 5 pm, I'd treat her more like a friend and my brother's girlfriend.  We decided to take down all artificial boundaries.

I don't know how else to live.  I don't do well with boundaries and barriers and it gets even more sticky in my own home. So I'm proceeding with a light and open heart.

WOW, I feel so much better.  We all went out for late night pizza last night and had a great time.  Next time, I'll be less passive in awkward situations and deal with them with love and light.

Labels: love

Posted by Oni on Tuesday, April 10, 2012 at April 10, 2012 | Permalink