Alternative-Desi Men: Analysis from this “Suitable Girl”

The weekend with the in-law was fabulous. Of course conversation (much of the time) turned to my bro-in-law, Dr. Sahib, and of course finding him a suitable girl as he is a 4th year medical student, thus crème of the crop in the Indian community.

I’d consider Dr. Sahib and hubby to be alternative-desi men. Both are socially liberal and quite politically engaged, as both would choose The Economist as their magazine of choice. These are BaY Area boys, raised in the Bay Area, and of course spear headed their local Socialist chapter in high school.

One of the many perks of finding an alternative-desi man is that while they are essentially “SF” at heart (feminists) they also make terrific husbands. This is where the desi part kicks in, hardworking men who desire to financially provide for their families, while of course letting their respective wives make their own decision regarding the work-family balance and fully supporting that choice.

So yes ladies, an alternative-desi man, is something to covet. In conversation with hubby and Dr. Sahib, we brain-stormed a host of factors that we believe alternative-desi men (such as Dr. Sahib) use when looking for their suitable girl (not in order of preference):

1. Desi Girl (religion generally no issue)
2. Reasonably attractive (pretty is always better)
3. Open-minded
4. Politically engaged
5. Assertive while not dominant
6. Educated, minimum requirement a B.S. or B.A.
7. Career oriented yet family oriented
8. Quirky – normalcy is so over-rated
9. Relatively sexually un-promiscuous (uhm, we are talking about desi men here)
10. Intelligent – free thinkers

Any interested parties for Dr. Sahib? Just kidding, mostly.

San Diego

Had a wonderful time in San Diego. Aren't hubby's feet adorable? 

Meal Starters

I really do think that it's so much easier to make meals nowadays. We have so many options for meal starters. We don't necessarily have to slave over the stove to come up with something healthy and tasty with a home-made flair.

My salvation has been Trader Joe's. I love that store – LOVE it. I try to pick up something different each time I shop at TJ. This weekend I picked up a Marsala sauce. Sauces out of the bottle aren't usually up to par for my food-indulging standards; however, it's easy to jazz up a meal starter and make it taste kick ass.

-Chopped ¾ of an onion and sautéed in olive oil.

-When the onions started browning, I added tons of roughly chopped garlic

-When everything started to smell good, I added cubes pieces of chicken breast (good tip: whenever I buy meat, I cut it up and place it in small freezer bags so it's easily accessible to defrost later)

-After the chicken browned I added fresh cremini mushrooms (love them)

-When mushrooms started getting dark in color and I could smell the flavor I dumped in the Trader Joe's Marsala Sauce.

-While everything was getting bubbly on the stove I added in fresh red peppers, black pepper, dash of salt and lots of sugar (TJ's marsala sauce was not sweet and marsala sauce in my book has to be sweet)

Cooked up gluten free tinkyada pasta and voila dinner was made. It got rave reviews from hubby and Kimmers.

San Diego

Left La La land for the remainder of the week and I'm currently in San Diego for business (hubby is here with me which makes it even better). I've thought about calling my office to check my voice mail several times today -- what's happening to me? Pics soon to follow.....

Dermatologist

So I left work at noon which was awesome. I took off the afternoon b/c I had a doctor’s appointment with my dermatologist. I have 2 skin problems: dry scaly nastiness on parts of my legs from eczema and dry scaly skin on my scalp.

Eczema

MD: Apply a mixture of ½ Aquaphor and ½ Cera Ve Cream 1-2 times per day to hydrate skin.

Translation: When I jump out of the shower I need to quickly with haste mix equal parts of petroleum jelly and good ass lotion and lube up.

Seborrheic Dermatitis

MD: Apply Triamcholene ointment on scalp overnight and rinse with Sebulex shampoo.

Translation: Douse head in mineral oil overnight until oil is dripping and shampoo with a medicated shampoo.

Treatment

MD: There is no treatment, however we can help keep this nuisance under control.

Translation: Thank you for paying me for NOTHING.

WOW – I’m really glad I went to my dermatologist.

Reggae @ the Bowl

Jammin' to the music -- one fantastic night. One love.

Drunken Walk of Shame

It’s 2 PM in Southern California and I just woke up. I don’t really remember many parts of last night. So I don’t have much to blog about. No worries – hubby was by my side all evening so I was safe.

I get home, being that inebriated I thought we were on a roller coaster ride, driving back home on the 405 and the 110. I’m sure hubby didn’t appreciate my crazy screams thinking we were careening off the road. When I got home I realized that I had lost my cell phone. Of course I was too inebriated to care.

This morning I woke up in PANIC. Where the hell is my cell phone? Hubby helped go through the night to re-trace my steps. I have finally found out the cell’s location and hopefully will retrieve it tomorrow.

Tonight the adventures continue for this pedestrian chick. We’re heading off to the Hollywood Bowl for a reggae concert (Bob Marley: Roots, Rock, Reggae Festival 2006 with Ziggy & Stephen Marley). I should have taken off Monday from work. Waking up tomorrow is going to be a b*tch b/c the pre-party and post-party are at my shin-dig.

Peace out!

The Notebook

Yes I watched this "sappy love story" with hubby. Yes I found it utterly heart warming. Yes, I'm an emotional basket case.

I loved this line:

"I am no one special. Just a common man with common thoughts. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who ever lived. I've loved another with all my heart and soul and for me that has always been enough."

By the end of the movie I completely and totally lost it. Tears were flying out of my eyes. After the movie ended I buried my head into hubby's chest and had myself a good cry. I looked up and was overpowered by the fact that hubby too had lost it and had tears streaming down his cheeks and held me as tightly as he could. What he told me was so simple but it broke my heart, "I never knew what happiness was until I met you."

It's moments like those that I realize that all the questions I have about life, work, family, passions … means nothing. I have everything I ever wanted when I am in his arms.

Shopping Inquisition

So during lunch we headed down to Ross. Ya know how Ross is, it’s a hit or miss. Today was a total hit. I’ve been looking for a cute, yet trendy, yet business like purse. I found it. I love it. Super professional yet super pink. I also picked up some adorable tops, the polka dot one being very cute. The damage: 6 items a whopping $55.

Then came the Shopping Inquisition when I came home. Dialogue between hubby and me:

Hubby: So what did you buy?
ME: (super excited voice) 2 purses and 2 adorable tops and white Capri pants.
Hubby: So… do you need all the clothes? B/c I looked in your closet which is stuffed to the max with clothes and the dresser is overflowing with your clothes.
ME: Well what’s necessity?
Hubby: Let’s adopt a legal standard of necessity, do you need these items of clothing to obtain the wardrobe of a reasonably stylish woman in Los Angeles?
Me: Well..
Hubby: Wait wait, reasonably does not mean excessively.
Me: Well my co-workers has like 100 shoes.
Hubby: You haven’t answered the question.
Me: What really is necessity? I WANT clothes. I WANT. I WANT. I WANT. Stop being Uncle Scrooge.

I then proceeded to undress and try on my different outfits, prancing around our living room. Hubby stopped complaining.

Super Freak

I am a super freak. I am an emotional crazy women. Poor hubby, I go home and of course in my super excited voice go on and on and bitch and moan about work. He listens to me patiently with calm eyes and a sensitive smile. This is probably why he *secretly* wants me to quit work and just play all the time, so he doesn't have to hear me go off aboutw ork.

My favorite work buddy, Kimmers, straight up talked to our supervisor. Kimmers told supervisor that it just ain't cool to have a work meeting on the weekend. Guess what happened?It's agreed that there will be no meeting -- just chillness. Oh Kimmers you rock out!!! Further, I get to go down to La Jolla for training for the greater part of next week!!!! Supervisor picked ME. I think I'm her favorite. I am a quasi-brown-noser at work!

I am definitely not getting rid of this blog -- it's a forum for me to let all my craziness out. All the shit talk about my job I never say to anyone EVER in my office. I get to express all of that craziness here on my blog!

Thank you cyber-world. Much love from this emotinal whore.

Cancel My Blog?

I’ve been thinking that I may want to discontinue this blog. What I’m sure about is that I’m totally unsure on what to do.

Reasons I love blogging:

*I love to write. I find it very cathartic. It’s a forum to release angst, love, anxiety, confusion … essentially to express any emotion.

*Building community -- especially in such a transient world where it seems like no one stays in their hometown.

*Motivation. Yes, I could have a diary. Yes, I could just type on Word and save it. But I love writing on an online forum, it motivates me to write; perhaps it is because I see my thoughts “published.”

*Staying in touch with dear friends in the East Coast versus sending mass emails.

Reasons I’m starting to dislike blogging:

There’s only one reason, fear. Someone could find me in the real world. Someone who is a potential psychopath. I’ve been getting nasty comments from a very creepy dude. He has made ad hominem attacks. I don’t know him. I’m assuming I remind him of an ex or he is just a loser looking to spew hate. Living in la la land this dude could potentially show up at my door and shoot me.

I don’t post from work so I don’t really care about getting fired. If the gov’t wants to suppress free speech on my time, I’ll take those b*tches down.

But creepy dudes scare me.

Sony Cyber-shot DSC-T30

We just bought this adorable digital camera. I won't go into all the techie details, hubby and I researched and fell in love with this camera. After all the i-net research, the real research was taking pics of each other and comparing the quality.

Bottom line: shoot and point camera, mad user friendly, tiny (fits in my pocket), awesome quality pics.... love it.

It's expensive though, the camera is Sony's newest top of the line camera and costs $499 and then we had to buy memory and of course a 2 year warranty (including accident insurance), end result: $722.

I'm a thrifty girl and I think it's well worth the money even Mr. Scrooge hubby agrees with me. Pics are priceless and we have so few in our 1st 2 years of marriage. Plus, this camera is going to last us a minimum of 5 years b/c it simply provides everything I want a camera to provide. LOVE IT!!!!!!!!

Lunch with Cool Moms

I met West Coast Mommy (WCM) for lunch at Cheesecake Factory. I also go to meet her friend S. They were both cool chicks.

Leaving lunch my head is full and I’m still trying to digest our conversation. Lunch was great; conversation was free flowing and most importantly authentic. WCM & S are in their early 30’s – both seemed very comfortable with themselves, their lives and with their identity. In comparison, I felt like a younger-sister, full of questions, questions & questions.

We talked about single-hood to motherhood with of course things in between. I don’t have many friends who are moms. Hell, I’m the first of my friends to be married. But these women were so comfortable with motherhood. It was calming and yet unnerving. One thing that was said struck me, “I don’t feel like I’m giving anything up in terms of going out or my social life [paraphrasing].” How do I feel about that? I don’t know. A good part of my identity is being very social – not getting crunked every night – but going to local music venues, cafes, festivals, ya da ya da ya da. Am I willing to give up the freedom to pursue my interests, my agenda and not care about being selfish? Does being a mother means I have to lose part of my identity, or in some sense, stop the self-discovery process?

Maybe I don’t, maybe it’s just a delicate balance where I define my own comfort zone. I’m also a thinker, healer, writer, planner, confused, and self-absorbed among other things… and part of the problem is over-analyzing this issue to death. I don’t believe all the planning/over-analyzing/late-night conversations will prepare me for motherhood.

So, do I know if I’m ready to be a mom? I don’t really know what that means. But I am ready & willing to adjust/alter my life to achieve balance between family life and other elements of my life that define me.

Ring, Ring, Ring

My cell was going off the hook this morning. It was ringing, it was vibrating, it was flashing – just going mad crazy. The cell phone mayhem forced me to roll out of bed around noon. I beg hubby to go look at our respective cells to see who’s lighting it up and of course it was a compilation of Rye and P (my bestest friend living in NYC).

The crazy text message and voicemails made me smile. I met P in the 7th grade. We lived a few blocks from each other. I would ride my bike to her house growing up. We went to high school and college together. She can tell if I’m happy or sad from the sound of my voice. *Sigh* Why is she in NYC? We met Rye junior year of high school. He was in my AP Chemistry class. Mid-way through the semester, he looks at me and says, “Uhm, like you can be really pretty, but girl you need new clothes, new hair cut, contacts and yeah makeup.” That’s when I transformed into a fasion-ista. *Sigh* Why is he in CT?

I call P and she doesn’t answer. I proceed to tm (text message). I then repeatedly call her until she answers. Hubby looks at me laughing, “you guys are nut cases, you guys call each other like it’s an emergency, until one of you answers...and it’s never a real emergency, it’s a problem with a boyfriend or picking out a skirt.” I look at him and giggle and P picks up the phone and I burst out laughing.

Couple-dom

The City can be so lonely. Surrounded by people, so many of whom are trying to make a connection. Hoping to feel in sync with someone’s groove, their spirit. Straining ears to hear conversations above chitter-chatter. Looking at new faces searching for familiarity, commonality. Hoping something in the conversation clicks, transforming it into an effortless dance of language.

Then there’s that someone constantly by my side. It feels unfamiliar to walk without extending my right arm slightly back with open extended fingers…he’s always there waiting. He stands behind me while I sway to music, places his hands around my waist, cocooning my womb. His hands are filled with warmth, touching the one area of my body where the squishiness hides and melting away all of my insecurities. He whispers in my ear and makes me laugh out loud. He kisses the back of my neck and makes me melt. He’s catches my eye and smiles, reassuring me that the City isn’t so lonely.

Best part of the night: Curled up in a corner bench, my legs extended and sprawled over his. My body pressed up against his side and my head gently leaning on his shoulders. His arm draped across my shoulders. A man comes up to us and says, “I would love to be in a club with my wife, sitting in a bench with her, with her legs sprawled over mine. You’re very lucky. I don't have a wife.” We look at each other and smile, fully understanding the happiness of finding our partner.

Fluffy Hair Friday

*Sigh* I miss my hairdresser in SF, Theresa @ Cinta. I got my first haircut in LA yesterday. I have curly black hair. The cut looks good – I think. The problem is the hairdresser styled my hair so it is very fluffy. Why fluffy? Who likes fluffy. I looked in the mirror this morning and hoped the fluffiness would have gone down but was shocked to see it really had not. I don't know how I feel.

So to work I wore this silk brown polka dot dress with of course a white cardigan (this is work!!) I am going to a happy hour in WestHo after work and I think the dress will suffice. But later on that night, I'm going to the Gig for GulabJam Music Festival. I just don't think a silk dress with pearls is gonna cut it. I gotta home and get changed and wear something a bit more edgy.

Any advice on finding a good hairdresser in LA? I paid $100 for cut only in SF. I'd like to cap it at $150. Talk to me people, I need help.

I can just tell, today has started off bad! How could any day start off good with fluffy hair?? I' m not trying to rock the 80's back.

***WCM didn’t get your email girl!

Sweetness I must Share

This week has been a crrrrazy at work. I’ve been working late. On top of that someone from our national office has come for additional training purposes. So it basically stinks.

I come back to my office after extensive training and my head dizzy from learning about various laws and I notice sitting on my file cabinet a vase full of gorgeous flowers (roses and wildflowers). The entire room smells beautifully fragrant. I know it has to be hubby but how did he get into my office? You need a security card to get inside! I was stumped. I read the card, which is full of sweetness…..

I get the scoop later from hubby. Hubby goes up the elevator to my floor. He sees co-worker J. J recognizes hubby. Hubby asks her if she would mind putting the bouquet on my desk. J, smitten by hubby’s sweetness, gladly fills up my vase with water and replaces my old flowers with new gorgeous ones!!!!

Friday—Happy Hour: “Blogger Hour”

Wanna meet up for drinks in West Hollywood? A bunch of us are getting together and I’d love to meet some of you blogger lovelies. I read your blogs, you read mind, you guys seem mad cool -- so come get a drinkie! Shoot me an email and I’ll send you details. Fridays and martinis – is there anything better?

Warning to potential creep-os: If you’re looking to meet me and my hot friends including my hot blogger friends (b/c I know all of you must be hot b/c you’re ultra cool) – you ain’t invited. If you’re sketchy or I don’t “know” you from the cyber world – don’t plan on getting any info back from me. I will simply DELETE your email. I gotta protect my peeps.