Day 14, 15, 16 and Other "Stuff" on My Mind

Day 14:  Sent energy to my 20's
Day 15:  Sent energy back to 2009-10 when we did a stint out in Bethesda, MD and I was feeling utterly hopeless and thinking we'd be stuck out in the area forever.
Day 16:  Sent energy to Day 15 which was full of stress.

http://sueatkinsparentingcoach.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/guilt-2-288x300.jpg

I could talk more about the past healing experience for Days 14-16, but what's come out of it has been vivid dreams about my MIL.  I understand that she is my husband's mother and the grandmother of my children.  I respect her role as such.  But truth be told, I don't like the woman very much.  I don't enjoy being around her (her mood often fluctuates, she is very insecure, gives off tons of negative energy, etc.). 

I feel guilty that I can't "fix" the situation.  I feel guilty for my feelings.  I won't go into all of the details of the past 3 weeks that she spent with us, but I was emotionally exhausted.  I often had to sit in her presence with my hand on my heart to heal myself with Reiki.

My pregnancy is going to come to an end soon.  My son will arrive in mid-May.  I have 12 weeks of maternity leave -- a time to bond with all of my children and be surrounded by love and light.  My husband gets one month of paid paternity leave and his parents planned on visiting during his paternity leave.  Unfortunately, the nature of my husband's job is that it is unpredictable and there is a good chance he will be unable to take time off.  So last night, I felt compelled to share with him the following, "I completely understand if you have to work.  However, maternity leave is about me and my kids.  During that time I want to be surrounded in joy.  So if you're not here, I don't want your parents here for an entire month, they can come and stay with us for a week.  After maternity leave, they are welcome to stay as long as they want."  He agreed.  But I felt guilty.  I felt guilty about putting my needs first. 

But what is this guilt nonsense?  I'm not intentionally trying to hurt anyone.  I get to voice my feelings.  I get to put myself first too.  After carrying my son for 9 months and a natural delivery, I want to marinate in joy for 3 months.  I want to surround myself around people who are also joyful.  I want my son to be surrounded in complete love and delicious good vibes.  I don't want even a bit of stress or grief.