Friday, January 27, 2012

Day 5 &6 of Healing My Past: 16/17 years old

Day 5 -- I was super exhausted and passed out fairly quickly.

Day 6 -- My goodness gracious I was a hot insecure mess!  I almost didn't recognize that girl.  She put up with a lot of crap.  She was uncertain, unsure and operated from fear and lack of self confidence.  Her heart needed healing.

Interesting observation, I was looking at someone who didn't feel like me today. She wasn't mindful, present or empowered.

http://www.angelmessenger.net/wp-content/uploads/joy.jpg

I've noticed lately that there are folks truly living in the present and basking in it; then there are so many others who are not, they're stuck.  I believe that walking around in the world in a joyful energy is the greatest way to spark transformation.  I think it's utterly a delightful goal/aspiration to think, "When I grow up, I want to infuse the world with joy, healing, love, etc."  There is so much value to just that.

With that said, my in-laws are here visiting.  I've noticed that my MIL doesn't seem very happy.  She's never been a very joyful person, though she has so many beautiful blessings.  I don't exactly know what to do.  Her energy is a damper.  While they've been visiting, the weeks have flown by with me living life (i.e.,juggling work, kids and the beauties of life).  There's a silence now, we barely speak.  There isn't any animosity, not on my part at least; but I have the sense that she just observes from a dark place while I laugh, giggle and play.

What am I supposed to do?  Am I supposed to reach out to her and try to draw her in?  I invite her on outings that I take the kids on (the park, sushi, shaved ice, etc.) and when she does accompany me, she's still in that dark place.  Perhaps, just writing about this provides me with clarity, it's not my job to change anyone.  I can only inspire and be there if another wants to receive joy.  It's just so damn sad though.

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