Dads

Saturday nights meditation was surreal.  I had a clear sign to be on the look out for a full moon, reddish color, and lightning bolts.  I have no idea what any of this means.  But I'm on the lookout.

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Later that night I had a dream about my dad and my good friend's father (good friend:  Anakin) who recently passed away.   Anakin feels like he didn't do enough for his father to make his father's life happier.  The guilt is enormous.  In the dream both Anakin and I kept traveling back in time to change our father's respective destiny.  No matter how vast our efforts, the outcome remained the same.  Anakin's father died.  My dad lost his battle with cancer.  Then a voice came through, gentle and firm, the voice of God.

The message:  We tried to send your fathers so many signs, so many messages to change the outcome of their respective lives.  All we wanted was for them to be happy.  They ignored us, continuously for the remainder of their lives.  Child, there is nothing you could have done.  We are here to support you.  We are always here.  Let your life be one where you follow your intuition, listen to your higher self, and listen to us because all we want is for your happiness.

Getting Out of Your Own Funk

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It's so easy to dwell in the negative, sometimes I think I'm an expert.  One bad thought enters my brain, and then I indulge in it.  It can feel so good to feel bad, sad, etc.  And then its starts snowballing and becomes -- woe is me, I can never get out of this funk, oh woe, oh woe, I have the worst life every, I'm a victim...

Saturday night I enjoyed amazing music at the Hollywood Bowl with Asian Daria.  It was a reminder that I can snap myself out of "the funk" at any any given moment.  I don't need stars in the sky and Robyn's magnetic voice to do that. The power comes from within.

The discussion soon turned to my outbreak of eczema lately, I blame it on chubby.  And I keep picking and scratching -- neither of these habits do any sort of good.  I know this, but I choose to continue my pattern.  Then a eureka moment -- eczema is a physical manifestation and I can choose to keep my little fingers from scratching, itching, peeling; yet, I chose for so long not to do this and helped perpetuate my itchy flaky self.  MY GOD, if I can't stop itching, how the hell am I going to stop negative thoughts from entering my brain.  Perhaps this eczema is a blessing in disguise.

I need to transform myself from the inside, but that's hard, isn't it?  So, since my automatic reaction isn't to necessarily stop from itching or having negative thoughts, I need to literally say out loud, "KNOCK IT OFF.  THIS DOES NO GOOD.  STOP IT."  Eventually, my inner self will start getting the point. I am no victim to bad habits.

Asian Daria and I made a pact to find the time daily to meditate and text/email each other to stay accountable.  I find the time to brush my teeth, floss, put on sunblock, etc. daily.  It makes no sense to focus all of this energy on my outer body and not my inner self, my energetic being and higher consciousness