Biological Time Clock Isn't Fair

My OBGYN congratulated me on trying to conceive at 27 because a woman's fertility starts to decline by her mid to late 20's. Biology doesn't play fair. Most of my girlfriend did things the smart way, in my humble opinion:

• graduate from college
  
• enter graduate school or go abroad (something I wish I did) or do something interesting
  
• focus on their careers
• become financially independent
• take the time to grow, discover themselves
• find a boy, dump boy because he's a loser (repeat several times) not settle for loser boy
  
• maybe find suitable boy to settle down with and have children

Children were not even part of my equation until I found hubby and got married. I never thought about my fertility. I was more focused on finding a job that I actually liked. I believe I did things the right way, because now I feel emotionally and financially ready to have children. Luckily age isn't an issue for me, because I met hubby directly out of law school at age 24 (complete and pure luck). I think that's rare when living in a major city.

Should my chic, savvy, smart, and cultured girlfriends be penalized by biology for taking the time to be emotionally/financially ready for children and waiting for suitable partner to come along instead of procreating with Mr. Wrong or Mr. I Settled For? My one friend, S, is being penalized b/c she got married at 35 (finding super hot job and super amazing partner can take time) and has tried for 4 years to get pregnant to no avail. The doctors tell her that IVF is her only option. I'm happy to say she opted for adoption, of course she's on a 2 year waiting list. Biologically, we should all have gotten knocked up when we were 17, all we would have to do is look at a penis to get impregnated.

Lesson learned: teenage pregnancy is a good thing**

**I'm being cheeky, but I didn't have to tell you that.

Love Love Love

My husband's family is very tight. They are mega close and love each other dearly. There is only one girl cousin in the family. I'll refer to her as Kushi b/c she is so happy, sweet and authentic. She sent me an email today that made me cry.

what i want to say is 2-3 yrs a little late (sorry)...i want you to know girl to girl, that honest to God, everyone really loves you and are really proud to have you as a member of our family. .. please don't ever feel like an outsider, i know easier said than done and past feelings of hurt can't be totally erased out of your mind...but please trust me when i say this, we love you and we want to get to know you better in the years to come. and we're always rooting for you and [hubby] just the same as any other cousin! ...i just really felt like letting you know how special you are to our family.

It was rough coming into this family. Hubby's family was shocked, their 22 year old beloved [insert hubby's name] eloped with a girl after dating her for 1 month. It took time but they got over it and have embraced me with so much love. I feel blessed. Kushi didn't have to send me this email, but she made the effort to go beyond the title of "cousin" and attempt to become my sister. I feel like I have two sisters now, my bestest friend in the entire world (Dilly) and Kushi; the former bond created through 17 years of friendship and the latter instigated by legal title and cemented with effort and desire for sisterhood. Side note, I spoke to Dilly tonight, and she was able to get me out of my sadness and fill my heart with happiness, as usual. Almost 17 years of friendship, the kind of friendship that goes beyond blood, the kind of friendship I can't imagine living without, the kind of friendship that is more important than food or air, well that kind of best friend always knows how to make me smile and laugh. Dilly I know you read my blog, you mean the world to me, and I love you so much and I feel like I am the luckiest girl in the world to have you as my bested forever friend.

All of this love, my family(by blood, marriage and self-created), it is all so precious. I am so thankful and blessed. I am feeling this love so intensely tonight. My heart feels like it's floating. I want to burst. I'm going to bawl all night.

Tex-Mex

I haven't found authentic Mexican food in San Antonio, however, there is plenty of Tex-Mex. Mexican food in L.A. is fresh, full of flavor and naturally delicious. Tex-Mex is greasy, salty and fried, albeit tasty but not everyday. I've been eating a lot of Tex-Mex (San Antonio lacks international cuisine) and now my diet is deficient from the lack of vegetables. I am tired of the damn Tex-Mex. I never ever grew sick of Mexican food in L.A. This confirms it, I am ready to go home.

Emotional Wreck

I've been so emotional all weekend.

• Friday: Cranky.
  
• Saturday: Emotionally fragile...everything upset me.
• Sunday AM: I found my husband more irresistible than I usually do (which is damn near impossible). We visited hubby's family and I could not contain myself(he was just so f*cking hawt), I pulled dragged hubby into a guest bedroom for a 5 minute quickie, fixed the sheets and headed back to the family.
• Sunday PM: My heart ached b/c hubby left for Cali. I felt depressed. And finally, I read this post and cried my eyes out (bawling crying)
  

This weekend was emotionally exhausting. My cry was intensely cathartic.

Happy Dance

I am doing the happy dance in my hotel room and singing, "la la la la la la la la la hubby is coming yay yay yay yay." Hubby will be in San Antonio at 11 PM tonight. I have missed him like crazy. It's hard for me to fall asleep without having him to spoon me. We're spooners. He's the big spoon and I'm the little spoon. This little spoon hasn't been able to go to sleep until 3 AM every night because she misses her big spoon. I know, this love stuff makes me sappy and sweet like a big scoop of bubblegum ice cream with marshmallows, chocolate fudge and sprinkles.

I'm counting down the minutes until 11 PM! [Squealing]

Hubby's Anti-Game

This blogger wrote a post on anti-game. I loved it. Her post reminded me of the following story about hubby.

I was hubby's editor. I had never met him. I was immediately attracted to his words and had a crush on him. I found this man to be intelligent, articulate and witty. My friend AK, the Editor-in-Chief, said to me, "uhm Bengali Chick, look at his resume, I bet you he's some short and pimply Indian guy. A nerd. Seriously, probably not your type." [Forgive my awful paraphrase AK.] Still, I was always looking for an excuse to email hubby, my favorite author, about a footnote problem.

Luck had it that AK and I were in the same city as hubby for Spring Break. We threw a party and decided that I would cook a Bengali feast for friends. I had the perfect excuse to invite over hubby to our party, to go over his article after the party of course. I invited him and he came. I found out later that I too had peeked hubby's interest. He was curious about my Latina name. We had never met in person or seen pics.

The doorbell rang and AK went to answer the door. I was wearing a mini skirt, a fitted tank top and platform sandals. My head was in the stove checking on the basmati rice and only my ass and legs were visible. I discovered that hubby was in the kitchen as soon as I closed the oven door. He was not a short, pimply or nerdy looking Indian guy. Effing unbelievably hawt stuff...of course I thought, "sh*t, do I look greasy from all of this cooking?" I tried to talk to him all night but he played coy. After the party I finally got an opportunity to sit next to him. His voice was sweet and sincere. He didn't talk about himself or boast about his accomplishments. He was completely down to earth and mellow. My little author was a shy cutie.

Fast forward a few months....

AK and I moved to the Bay. Hubby and I had not spoken in this time period. I got caught up with finals and packing, plus his article had been published, I no longer had the footnotes excuse. I did add hubby to my Friendster page. AK and I called up hubby to hang out on a Friday night, soon after we moved to the Bay. AK and I hung out with hubby and 2 of his buddies. The night ended with holding hands and a Punjabi tongue in my mouth.

The next day I went to Williams-Sonoma with AK in San Francisco. Hubby called me. No games. This is what he said, "I really enjoyed spending time with you last night. I hope I didn't monopolize your time." He had me at "monopolize."

That to me my friends is anti-game.

Don’t Call It Discharge

On the plane, I read national bestseller, Taking Charge of Your Fertility, by Toni Weschler. I definitely remember being confused by the “discharge” that came out of my yoni for a good many years after puberty. My best friend and I hypothesized that the discharge was how our respective yonis cleaned themselves, by spitting up phlegm like substance. We were wrong. Dead wrong.

Cervical fluid is the medium though which sperm travel in order to reach the egg. So here are the stages the yoni goes through (try it yourself by inserting two fingers into your yoni):
1. Period is over. Yoni is dry, no fluid coming out.
2. Sticky fluid, kinda like rubber cement.
3. Creamy like lotion.
4. Eggwhite, seriously looks like egg whites. No joke. Stretchy suckers at this point, it stretches 1 to 10 inches!! This is baby-making time or avoid unprotected sex like the plague.
5. Yoni stays dry for the rest of the cycle. I, like many other women, notice a very wet yoni a day or two before my period. My panties soak up egg white looking substance. This is not cervical fluid. This is the endometrium breaking down and flowing out of the yoni.

So in summary, sticky slippery yoni juices are uber important in baby making. This is important stuff; nothing that is dirty or needs to be cleaned with douche. Ms. Weschler states in her book,

..I would suggest you never use the “d-word” to describe your healthy cervical fluid. After all, we don’t refer to men’s healthy semen as discharge.

Cervical Fluid = Magical Yoni Potion

Airport, Oh Sh*t Moment

Hubby dropped me off at LAX at 8 AM. I pulled out my wallet to make sure I had cash on me, before asking hubby for soda money. I noticed that my driver’s license wasn’t in its usual location. I started looking for it and all of a sudden it dawned on me that my driver’s license was at home. I wore an ultra cute outfit for Saturday night partying and paired it with my bright orange vintage purse. The purse is far too small to fit my enormous Coach wallet and my pda. I placed my driver’s license, Amex credit card and cash into the trusty zipper area of my purse along with lipstick and kohl liner. Funny thing is, I remembered this morning to grab my lipstick and liner from the orange purse and transfer it to my traveling Coach patchwork purse. Apparently, the driver’s license wasn’t on my mind, the way makeup always is.

At the security line, I pulled out my government I.D. and prayed that security wouldn’t hassle me. The security guard scrutinized the I.D. while scrunching up his face. He ushered me to a line with very few people instead of the line swarming with anxious travelers. I thought my goose was cooked and questioned him…

Me: Sir, is there a reason you want me to go to that line?
Guard: Madam, you are a government agent and armed, aren’t you?

For a moment, I felt ultra-cool.

*By the way, San Antonio is lush, green and gorgeous.

Texas Here I Come!

There are very few things I hate more than packing. I have a 9 am flight to San Antonio, TX from LAX and I have not packed a thing. This is a business trip for 2 whole weeks *sigh*. I have to pack so much sh*t for 2 weeks. Besides visiting my favorite blogger and checking out the river walk, what else is there to do in San Antonio? I admittedly am a spoiled Angelina. I best get to packing...

Men Love Women Who Eat

Call me a pig, but I ate this entire piece of cake with a cup of chai. Yummers. Mani's Bakery in Los Angeles offers scrumptious baked goods that are wheat free!!! I maybe a skinny b*tch, but I can out eat my husband, I make my daddy very proud. I was surrounded by other skinny b*tches that were feasting on platters of lettuce. Two twenty-something, Hollywood guys walked past me and my ginormous slice of cake and were happily shocked:

Guy 1: Dude, check out that chic and her huge slice of cake.
Guy 2: That is effing awesome.
Guy 1: Hella awesome.

When Side Bangs Happen to Good People

I got a haircut! I didn't take off much in terms of length. My husband begged me to not chop off my hair. What is it with men and their obsession with long hair? It takes forever to straighten or blow dry long hair. So side bangs seem to be the new hip thing, I took the plunge... they obstruct my vision. I can't effing see.

Cheers to My Favorite Blogger

Here’s to you my friend. Have a blast in Texas.

**The pic above is one Roonie took of me smoking hookah. Love the pic… awesome image, sorry I had to cut out my face!

**This post was inspired by this blogger.

Unf*cking believable

Remember this post? I went to drop off my rent check with my landlady. I know her. Let me repeat, I KNOW HER. She rescued hubby and me from a trapped elevator last summer.I usually look like ass when I see her. Today I was dressed up with my glasses on. I am running out of disposable contacts and couldn't get an appointment for 2 weeks so I'm hoarding my contacts. She always sees me with my glasses. I have very unique glasses from Denmark. I wouldn't consider them unforgettable, still she did not recognize me.

Here's the conversation:

Me: Hey, here's my rent check.
Landlady: Are you apt. #216?
Me: No, #316.
Landlady: Have we met?
Me: Yeah many times.
Landlady: You're (insert Hubby's name)'s wife????
Me: Yeah, it's me.
Landlady: I had no idea you were so beautiful. You're beautiful.
Me: Yeah, I guess you must see me when I do the roll out of bed and rush to the office look.
Landlady: Wow, you're just a different person. Unbelievable.
Me: Uhm, thanks. Bye!

My friends, I love you, but the truth is I look like ass w/o makeup. I look like a different human being. This has happened too many times in my life.

God bless Sephora.

**if I didn't have f*cking trolls trying to stalk me, I would happily post a before and after pic.

Appreciating Love

I love gluten free girl's blog. Her post today warmed my heart. I love the celebration of love with authenticity and simplicity; nothing is more beautiful. The pic above is of my sweetheart, standing at the edge of a cliff in San Diego. We have been married for over 2 1/2 years and I still cannot get enough of him.

I'll never forget the day he asked me to marry him. He took may hand at SuperStar School Parking lot and casually asked, "marry me?" His eyes reflected honesty, sincerity and blissful happiness. I didn't even have to think about the question. I immediately said, "Yes!" We got in the car, a beat up white Toyota Corolla that had seen better years, and headed for Reno, NV. This is before I realized my food allergies, so we stopped at McDonald's for a quick bite to eat. We shared a sundae, quarter-pounder, and fries. He drove and I fed him spoonfuls of ice-cream and dipped his quarter-pounder in bbq sauce. It was messy and we went through a lot of napkins, but it was fun. I wore a pair of jeans, a red long sleeved T and flip-flops. He wore beige shorts, a t-shirt and sneakers. We bought a pair of rings for $30 (for the both of us, which later turned green) that the chapel was selling. We made vows to each other in private a minute before midnight. It was a lovely, private affair.

I don't feel like I missed out on anything on my wedding day.

Only in West Hollywood

Well maybe not only in West Hollywood does a dude use the following pick up line, if I can call it that….

[Setting Trader Joe’s Parking Lot on Santa Monica Blvd.]
Dude: Wow, dude is that your car?
Me: Yes
Dude: Wow, that’s a hybrid.
Me: Yup.
Dude: You’re awesome dude. That’s awesome for the environment. You’re awesome. Pretty awesome car, pretty awesome chic. [Giggling]
Dude: Thanks, I gotta go.

Did I mention that dude was stoned out of his mind, heading to Trader Joe’s I’m sure for munchies? Did I mention I live in Southern California, where hybrids are literally everywhere? Dude was a clever one.

Hope: My Most Important Lesson

When things don’t go my way, I give up my dreams. I have treated hope with disdain and preferred the “better to aim low and avoid disappointment” philosophy. The Secret Challenge has taught me that hope is a good thing. I’m sure that everything that I have learned was probably taught to me by my parents or other influences in my life, however, in order to internalize them I had to re-learn them for myself. Here’s a non-exhaustive list of the lessons learned thus far:

• Let nothing destroy my hope. Instant gratification should not be my excuse.
• Be grateful for all of the blessings in my life on a daily basis (not just Thanksgiving).
• Every day is a new day to better myself. I have bazillion second chances.
• Honoring my emotions, being authentic to them, does not equate to a free for all negativity party. Honor, acknowledge, rationalize, move forward and dismiss.
• Making the time to meditate daily clears my mind and frees my spirit.
• Happiness is mine to have at this moment, not some allusive goal.

I don’t care if the Law of Attractions is not a real scientific law. It’s a tool, among other tools, to enrich my life.

Reading Material: Law of Attraction (LoA)

I want it now!

A great blog post on the #1 mistake people make when using the law of attractions: not only must you specifically ask for your intention but must put energy to bring the intention.

If you’re so gushingly enthusiastic about your intention that people keep telling you to shut up about it, you clearly have plenty of energy behind it.

Here’s an exercise:

Try holding the thought “I am happy” in your mind right now. Just humor me and hold that thought for a few seconds. Notice how you feel when you hold this thought.

Now hold that same thought (identical content)… but with more energy this time. Do whatever you think is necessary to make the “I am happy” thought more intense in your mind — smile, change your position, breathe more deeply, stand up, stick your chest out, look up, move around, etc. Hold the thought at that new energy level for a few more seconds. Notice the difference in how this thought feels compared to the first thought. Can you perceive the increased energy even as the pure content of the thought remains unchanged?

Now lower the intensity, and bring the energy of the “I am happy” thought back down. Strip the thought of all its energy, and reduce it in your mind to pure content. It is nothing but a boring sentence. Hold the thought as pure content for a few more seconds. Notice how that feels compared to the first two thoughts. Can you sense the energetic difference?

Why does it take so long?

Persistence my dear. Really put energy into the intention. Here is another blog post on this issue.

**I am extending my Secret Challenge indefinitely.

Food Diary

Some days taking the time to cook food or even order take out can be arduous. Today was one of those days. At least I was able to keep my energy up while shopping.

Drink:
1 Iced Green Tea

Food Consumed:
2 Mangoes
2 Guavas
1/2 of a Papaya

The iPod & The Hybrid

Music on the 5 sucks. I fantasized about my iPod while flipping though the various channels blaring Mariachi music. My brother must have felt my pain as he gave me his old DLO Nanotune for the drive home. The Nanotune wirelessly played music over any available FM radio BUT the sound quality was not crystal clear. Having to switch stations in order to avoid static was annoying.

While the static bugged the sh*t out of me, I re-discovered my love for Rufus Wainwright.

UPDATE: Purchased the iTrip, loves it. The sound quality is still not crystal clear but it serves my purposes.

Date Night With the Girls

Roonie, C and I checked out The Namesake (free screening!). This dude (white) had also seen the movie and thought he was using a clever pick up line by asking me, "Hey, are you Indian?" For full story check out this (she's a master story teller). Tip for you boys: if you want to pick up a chick, doesn't matter what her ethnicity is, just say, "hey are you Indian?" Simply brilliant.

We were all starved after the movie and hit In-N-Out Burger for grub and I was in a quandary as I gave up meat for Lent and am allergic to wheat. What does a girl order? I started giggling in line thinking about my order, "double double please, no bun, no meat." By the time I reach the cashier, I can't order b/c I can not contain my laughter and ask Roonie to order for me. Surprisingly, the cashier does not blink an eye. This is Hollywood, a protein style veggie burger (cheese, tomato and onion in a lettuce wrap) is no thing.

Love this City. Love the company of good friends more. Los Angeles + Good Friends = Priceless

Expectations/Compromise

What you see is what you get with men. I believe this. My husband put it all out there when we first met, especially about his career plans. Hubby has worked 110 hours in the past 7 days... I wish I were kidding. Do I like it? NO. I miss my baby. I didn't marry him for the money, he was a broke ass student of 22 when we met. The money don't mean a thang to me, I'd prefer his company and less benjamins.

I don't feel like I can say sh*t. I mean, I knew what I was getting into. A few of my friends know of my desire to have kids and have chastised me for it. They raise their eyebrows and say, "but is he going to continue working these crazy hours with a baby?" I politely nod and say "yup, probably for 5-10 more years." They're shocked!

Here's the thing, once again, I knew what I was getting into. I know that everything will fall on my shoulders in terms of child-rearing and household duties.. This is why I'm not going to work, well I'll work if I can work from home.

Of course this sucks. But I always knew it would. Yeah, it still sucks, even though I know. But I am at peace. I love my husband. I knew I was marrying a workaholic who had ridiculous career goals. I don't think it's fair to change him or judge him. Supportive is my middle name.

P.S. My pregnancy will be an immaculate conception as hubby has been coming home on average around 3 am.

Father Bill, Spiritual Guidance Please!

IRL and on the I-net, I have felt quasi-attacked for calling myself a liberal Catholic. I went to Father Bill, my favorite Priest, for spiritual guidance via email.

My Questions:

I like Catholic Church, I think the Mass is beautiful and I do love Jesus. However, I am very liberal (pro-choic, pro-sex, pro-gay marriage, pro-birth control...) So can I hold my beliefs and still call myself a Catholic?

Father Bills Reply (excerpts, as the email was very long):

catholic beliefs are generally found in the creed we say at mass. it is an official church teaching that all people can go to heaven, of any or no religion, based on biblical teaching that the law of God is written in people's hearts... the catholic church officially teaches that you must follow your conscience as to what you stand for and do morally;therefore , you can call yourself catholic.

the official Vatican line changes through circumstances and socialization in history. at this time in history, the church would like you to drop your liberal views and join their present conservative views (not agreed to by the majority of catholics, nor the majority of priests). the church tries to insinuate that they have better insight into determining what an informed conscience should look like, hence you should follow their views each time they change them; that, however is not the official teaching of the church.

the second Vatican council of the sixties promulgated, again, that people must follow their own conscience, even over the teaching of church leaders. this has never changed. also of interest is that no moral position has ever been proclaimed as an infallible teaching by the church. the things we are stuck with are the bible and the creed, which of course, are open to a bit of interpretation.

one pope wrote that the greatest saint after bible times was saint francis of assissi. he was wild, and wildly in love with the ideal of Jesus, and very humble. he kept struggling with how to love people as Jesus would want him to. ..that is being a catholic.

at this point in history i think we have a good parallel between bishops and politicians. few are humble, few think their constituents can have more valid opinions than they, few are more concerned with doing what is best for others than maintaining their own position and their own positions of power and control. this is not about theology, its about the basic psychology being out of whack and about the weaknesses of being a person. it took francis of assissi a lifetime to realize he had to let go and couldn't control where his followers, numbering in the thousands of Franciscans, were going and deviating from his vision of living the love of jesus. his order, in the past 500 years, has gone through a few revolutions and splits over the same issue. jefferson said we would need revolutions to get our country back on track to its first ideals. some theologians think we need the same in the church which is also a concentrated power.

Sikh + Catholic = Tubby

Spee left me a sweet comment. Thank you Spee for your kind words.

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "I am not Latina": Hi ! I just found your blog (through your comment at Shauna's blog) and I am totally hooked. Your posts are really fun and interesting. I am bengali myself and live in SF area. I was wondering about the portuguese connection. I came across this wiki-entry: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christianity_in_Bangladesh

One question, how do you deal with the religion stuff within your family ? I am wondering because my hubby is catholic (from South India) and I am hindu. Things are cool now because we are both very liberal, but I am a tad bit worried that things might get complicated once I have a child.

-spee

Hubby is agnostic at best. He has a lot of pride for his culture and looks upon Sikhism fondly. My MIL wigged out on us b/c I am not Sikh when I first got married. Hubby’s family has expectations that the child will be raised Sikh. I don’t feel comfortable even bringing up Church or Baptism around them.

My parents are Sunday Church-goers. My Dad is also a hippie-Bengali, which is very cool. They never cared about Hubby’s religion. I dated a white guy (my angst phase as he was anti-institution) for many years and they hated him with a passion, they were just happy I settled down with a desi. My parents *secretly* want Tubby to be Baptized and raised Catholic but they’re cool if I don’t.

Hubby and I decided the first month we were dating (we dated for one month and then eloped) that our child’s spirituality would be my domain. Easy, no? Hubby just doesn’t care about religion but supports my desires to raise our child a liberal Catholic as he even accompanies me to Church.

My in-laws are free to teach Tubby about Sikhism. My in-laws may not be happy but Tubby is not their child. While my in-laws are free to provide us their opinion on how Tubby should be raised, ultimately it is our decision. I personally believe it will be a good thing for Tubby to be exposed to different religions/ways of thinking. I have no fear that Tubby will be confused.

If my husband was a hard-core Sikh, I would raise my child under both faiths. We’d find a way to compromise. Religion/spirituality should only bring a couple closer!

Positive Affirmations

Are you having a bad day? I am. This video helped and filled me up with positive energy and happiness. Check it out.

O Naturale Beauty, I am NOT

I never realized quite how horrible I must look without makeup. I have good skin, so it's not foundation I'm talking about;but eye makeup transforms my face. Without makeup I am a Plain Jane or just plain fugly.

Thursday morning I dropped my car off for maintenance and picked it up in the evening.

The AM Look:

• Hair in a ponytail
• Glasses
• Chapstick

The PM Look:

• Contacts
• Bare Escentuals
• Becca under eye concealer
• Dior eyeshadow
• Almay liquid black eye liner
• Kohl pencil liner
• Fresh Mascara
• Lacome blush
• Max Factor lipstick in Sepia
• Hair down and swinging in full curl glory

The service man's jaw dropped when he saw me in the evening. He even said, "Wow, you're the same girl from the morning.. wow." He then went to check out my ring finger and frowned.

I took the time to get ready this morning. Every co-worker stopped by my office to compliment me. When I am sans makeup, the co-workers probably feel it's more polite and not say, "Sh*t man, you look like ass." My coffee lady stopped during mid-purchase to exclaim, "Wooooow... yooou're so preeeeeetty." Did I mention that my office-mate of 3 months at my previous job didn't recognize me the one day I came to the office in sex-i-licious Bengali Chick mode?

Co-worker: Hi. Are you new here?
Me: It's me, Bengali Chick!
Co-worker: [shocked expression on face] Oh! You look really nice. [Checks out ring finger]

Moral of the story: O naturale is crap... that sh*t doesn't work for me.

The Hypos Men Dread

Back to our regular programming... apologies for the troll interruptions:

Do you ever do it? Ask your s/o questions or hypotheticals that have no good answer? Yup, that’s what I’m guilty of… poor hubby.

Me: What if you were married to someone that wasn’t me. She was nice, but boring. The sex was twice a month. There was nothing wrong with this girl, she was smart and beautiful…you just weren’t in love with her. You had settled and gotten married to the wrong woman. Then you meet me and you realize that you made a huge mistake. We become friend. We fall in love. We feel the way we do now about each other, inseparable. Do you leave your wife FOR ME?

Hubby: [Looks up from his pile of documents] Huh? Honey I dunno. I couldn’t break my commitment to someone….that’s wrong[good man] But f*ck it’s you [yes, it is!]… this scenario sucks.

All of a sudden I was overcome with sadness. What if I never met hubby? What if I was not married to him? What if he was married to someone else? I ran to my husband, straddled him, buried my head in his neck, inhaled his scent and thanked God for every step in my life, even the missteps, that led me to this man.

Fan of My Blog, Wants a Threesome

I know, I know, don't freed the trolls, but I have a gem of a comment that I have to post. This chic sends me sexually explicit comments all of the time (oh I wished I saved them to share with all of you). I think she's shy b/c she refers to my husband quite a bit... I have deduced that the reason she is shy is b/c she wants a threesome where my husband is watching while she licks my pussy. Oh you naughty slut, you need me to spank you! It seems like she's trying to show me that since my husband is not worthy of her, he is also not worthy of me, as my fan #1 and I should be together. She wants me all to herself, not tied down with a baby, b/c she fears if I have a child I will never leave my husband. Jeez, girl first thing this morning, on a Sunday nonetheless, you checked by blog around 7:30 AM to describe your pussy to me!! Sh*t...my email is on the right, girlie send me a pic and some biodata. My pussy and I take a bow.

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post Troll: Sit Girl. Be Quiet. Good. Good Troll:

I can assure you you are not pregnant. Your husband is looking at my titties all day long and he loves to look at my beautiful white face. He knows he will never get anything from me. He knows. But he worships my white body, my pink pussy he imagines every night.

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Just a bit of information on fan #1 based on her comments: She is a light skinned woman who only prefers dark skinned Indians. She hates woman who have any color on their skin (probably b/c in actuality she is a brown desi that self-hates), BUT will only f*ck brown dicks. Funny, no? Like I said earlier in this post, I should have saved the comments to share with you all.

Troll: Sit Girl. Be Quiet. Good. Good Troll

Hello Troll from Qwest Communications Corporation with IP Address 71.218.52.11! Sweetie, don't you realize that I will never publish any of your nasty comments? You are obsessed with my blog and with me. You have read every archived post and read all of my new posts. My happiness enrages you, makes you all stinky! But you know that I won't publish your comments, but you continue to do so b/c you think you're having some sort of dialogue with me, don't ya? You want my attention baby, right?

Here's a little attention. I'm patting your head, yes you are a good troll, yes you are! Feel better? This is the only attention you'll ever get from me, enjoy it girl!

Naughty Things

I'm horny. I've been visualizing a baby constantly, it's only normal that my body is sending mad sex hormones. The bad part is that my husband just got pulled on a huge new deal. Wednesday night I tried to stay up for him, but passed out around 2 am. Last night I was determined on staying up; hence, I didn't go to bed until 4 am and unfortunately had to be at the office at 7:30 am. I'm an effing trooper.

I think it's important to set the sexy tone throughout the day and not just wait until bedtime. When I had a camera phone, upgraded to a pda recently, I would take a couple shots of a peak-a-boo breast or a va-ja-ja shot and send them to hubby with a sultry message. Now that I don't have a camera phone I'm left to text messages and gmail chat. A little text foreplay is a great way of getting things hot. It doesn't have to be elaborate, sometimes I'll send a simple message on chat:

I need you. Do me. NOW.

Yes, I know, pushy. I think it's okay to pushy about certain things, like this, in a marriage. I've already masturbated multiple times today, I swear to you this is the effect of the law of attraction and mediation. My challenge is going FANTASTIC.

WARNING: Sex is one of my favorite topics.

Mommies Group

When I was pregnant in December I joined a West L.A. mom’s group, to hang out with new mom or moms to-be. The first meeting was in January and I didn’t go. I didn’t want to be the only one there that was minus a baby. Plus, I was scared I’d come off as some creepo who seemed like she had some pregnant lady fetish. I emailed the organizer and told her I’d surely come to a meeting when I found out I was preggers. She was lovely as could be and encouraged me to come to join the ladies!

Yesterday the mommies group had a second meeting. I was scared to go. I know that I’m on this Law of Attraction challenge but sometimes the thought runs in my head that I’m being silly about all of this. Every time these thoughts enter my brain I immediately cancel them and visualize tubby. I decided that if I truly was at peace with believing that I was going to be a mom soon, then I should have no qualms about going to a mommies gathering… it’ll only be a little bit before I can start discussing my own pregnancy with the ladies.

I had a freaking blast last night. I was surrounded by lovely pregnant women energy and it was just awesome. When I got the “oh I’m so sorry you had a miscarriage” line, I quickly said thank you and assured everyone that while that did suck I was confident that tubby was on his/her way. I admitted to these ladies that by visualizing tubby, I truly believed I would have a Golden Pig Baby. I let them in on my secret, I’m testing on 3/12 and I know it will be positive.

No, I did not get strange looks from these women; I live in Los Angeles for goodness sakes. My set of beliefs was actually encouraged by the women. The organizer brought up The Secret and told me that she used the technique to attract her partner and her baby. My Law of Attraction faith was wavering just a tad bit, and I let God know that I needed a sign. The sign I needed was that once I ascertained my desires, wanting tubby, my desires would be fulfilled and that hope is indeed a good thing. I got my sign. Tubby is on his/her little way. Come here my little piggie!

Shocking: Walking in Los Angeles

The public transportation sucks in my beloved City. Everyone drives, this is considered to be hands down a driving City. I had to take my hybrid in for the 45k maintenance this morning. At first I arranged with hubby that he would follow me to the dealer so that I could drop him off at work and have his car for the day. The maintenance will only take a few hours, I don't really need his car. The dealer is 2 miles from my house. Today I woke up as usual with the gorgeous Cali sun shining down on me. I decided to stop being lazy. I walked the 2 miles from my pad down to the dealer on Santa Monica Blvd.

The walk was refreshingly delicious. I didn't even need my light fleece b/c the weather was perfect. I took the time to really check out my hood. My hood is awesome, tons of boutiques, cute eateries, swanky pubs/bars, posh restaurants and so much more. I definitely know where to go know in Hollywood for hubby-eye-popping nighties. I took in my City during my walk. A sense of gratitude swept over me...I love where I live and I am so grateful.

My walk inspired me to stop at the gym for a 1 1/2 hour workout. I must say there are some skinny b*tches in Hollywood, this is coming from a girl who wears a size O/2, these girls were way skinnier than me. I had the urge to feed them, I resisted.

Of course I threw in some manifestation to the mix. I visualized strollercizing with tubby. Tubby and I will explore every nook and cranny of our hood. S/he'll be exposed to the rich diversity of L.A. Tubby is going to fall in love with Los Angeles, my little Benjabi Angelino.

I'm off to shower, work on film festival deadlines and walk 2 more miles to pick up my car.
Happy Walking!