My Eczema Story: Chines Medicine, Leaky Gut & So Much MORE!

Eczema blows.  You get mad itchy -- so crazy itchy that it's quite easy to scratch off your skin -- then the skin heals and gets dry -- and then itchy again -- your skin starts to look NASTY.  I had eczema as a kid in Connecticut and it went into remission when I moved to California.  But then we did a stint in DC and the eczema came right back and followed me back to LA.

The eczema on my hands has been terrible (deep cuts in my fingers).  Some eczema above my upper lip and around my neck.  I saw many dermatologists and they told me the same thing -- sorry, no  solution for you, but here's some steroids for your skin, just be careful because it can eat away your skin.  *le sigh* But recently the eczema got crazy and I could see it on my arm and I freaked!  The eczema was spreading!

How?  Why?  I do yoga 3-4 times a week.  I meditate. I eat pretty healthy.  Tell me it ain't so...

Chinese Medicine

Guided by intuition I googled Chinese medicine and eczema and found a Chinese doctor in DTLA.  He put me on a 2 week treatment plan where I received once a week acupuncture treatments and a herbal tincture/tea to drink 3 times a day.  The herbal medicine was my primary treatment.  He told me that I had a fire in my stomach (inflammation) and that's the reason my stomach didn't convert food to energy as efficiently or elimination toxins.  In other words, my body sucked at providing itself proper nutrients and getting rid of junk/toxins.  The medicine immediately made me stop itching.  MIRACLE.  But this miracle came with a price -- drinking ass water 3 times a day (I shit you not, ass water).  It was the most heinous thing I have ever drank in my life.  I hated it.  I pinched my nose and shot gunned it down. GROSS is an understatement.

I was also told to avoid the following foods during the treatment:

• soda, coffee chocolate;
• fried & spicy food (too many stimulants):
• seafood (especially shellfish);
• dairy (milk, cheese, butter, etc.) & eggs;
• nuts & seeds;
• alcoholic drinks; and
• tropical fruit (kiwi, mango, pineapple, coconut, etc.)

I was told to eat more cooling foods:

• watermelon; and
• veggies (carrot, cucumber, lettuce, tomato, cabbage).

Lastly, I was supposed to avoid chemicals (i.e., chlorinated pools), newly constructed areas, dusty stuff, bug bites, and direct sunlight.  

2 weeks later -- My eczema was almost gone.  My hands were just about healed.  I wasn't as dry anymore.  My skin wasn't as dry!!The doctor wanted me to drink 2 more weeks of herbal medicine which is both pricy and nasty so I declined.  I felt as if the fire in my belly was under control and I could figure it out on my own. 


Leaky Gut

Okay, if my body wasn't absorbing nutrients properly, maybe I didn't have the right bacteria in my gut.  The bacteria (so many diverse species) break down food in our gut.  I started taking daily probiotics (my belly immediately felt better).  I also started taking 1 tablespoon of flaxseed oil in my daily green smoothie.


Clean Eating

Maybe it's a blessing or maybe it's a curse, but my body is really sensitive when I don't take care of it (i.e., get stressed which leads to immediate itching) or don't eat good clean food.  So I have no other choice than being healthy all the time.  Yoga & clean eating help keep the itching down to the point where it's almost all gone!


Elimination Diet

I'm basically staying on the Chinese doctor's diet (but I eat spicy food now).  I got itchy 2 hours after eating a hard boiled egg.  I woke up with wet outbreaks on my hands after eating wheat for dinner.  I dry brushed my skin.  Slathered on lavender oil and meditated (wet wraps, i.e., wet paper towels, work very well for crazy itching).  The itchy went away and I didn't break my skin with scratching.  I'm a vegeterian and it sucks losing both eggs and wheat.  I'll try these foods again in a month and see if I can beat the allergic reaction.  Corn seems to be undecided.  I'm pretty sure that dairy doesn't jive with my body but I will definitely do a test.


Final Thoughts

Eczema does not control me.  I can actually break the cycle of wet blisters, itching, scabs and dry skin.  I've been able to break the cycle for a month now.  My  hands look great and I can actually get a manicure without getting scared looks from the manicurist!  The eczema is not gone, but it no longer seriously impacts my life.  I only get itchy after I eat trigger foods (still continuing the elimination diet) or get stressed out.  I'm going to 100% beat this and I am just about there.

My stress has been greatly reduced by leaving my job 6 months ago to stay at home with my 3 young kids. I go to yoga 4 times a week and practice daily meditation with reiki.  Thank you eczema for teaching me to be more mindful every moment about my mind, spirit and body.

Vegeterian Menu Planning for Week of August 12th

When I don't menu plan, I spend a crazy amount of money at the grocery store.  Plus weeks like this where I missed going to the farmers market, I just don't feel very inspired.  So I'm in a pinch.  I'd love to give the kids a hunk of bread, some cheese and a bag of veggies but I think they'd revolt.  So instead, I checked out my trusty pinterest board and I have my menu plan down.

Monday:  rainbow chard pancakes + oven roasted green beans
I have rainbow chard leftover from last week.
Tip:  Soak black beans before going to bed to prep for tomorrow's meal.

Tuesday:  simple black beans + rice with a side of eggs (maybe wrapped up in a sprouted tortilla)
I have dried black beans and brown rice from Whole Foods in my pantry.  I have 2 dozen eggs in the fridge and mild salsa.
Tip:  Oven roast tomatoes in the evening to prep for tomorrow's meal.

Wednesday:  ricotta pizza
I'll probably buy lavash bread or pita (whatever is organic) and use as the dough for my pizza.

Thursday:  skillet sausage + polenta bake
I'll substitute the sausage with TJ's meatless meatballs.
Tip:  Make greek salad the night before so the flavors are all soaked up.

Friday:  greek salad + tofu sandwich
I'll double the dressing the greek salad recipe in order to have some pasta salad on hand for the weekend.  We usually go out to eat on the weekends or I empty out my fridge/freezer to macgyver up some food.

If this isn't enough food, I'll simply make another run to my local TJs or WFs.  I try not to stress out about my menu plan.  And if I really am in a pinch, I'll pick up food somewhere in Hollywood to supplement.

Quick & Easy Tofu Saag for Kids

 

I've recently started menu planning to bring down my weekly cost of organic foods.  Organic can get quite expensive when you just go up and down the aisles of Whole Foods or even Trader Joe's with no agenda.  This dish is super cheap if you use frozen organic spinach, sprouted organic tofu from TJ's and have spices on hand.  WFs seems to have the best prices for organic spices that I have found so far.  The Indian store has super cheap spices not usually organic.

Ingredients:

1 teaspoon cumin seeds

1 teaspoon turmeric
1/2 teaspoon cayenne

1/2 teaspoon store-bought or homemade garam masala
2 teaspoons ground coriander
1 teaspoon ground cumin 

1 block of sprouted TJ's tofu
1 (16-ounce package) frozen TJ's chopped spinach
1 medium onion, finely chopped  or food processed
1 teaspoon garlic/ginger paste (or just chop up some ginger and garlic)
1 pepper (I had jalapeno on hand and removed seeds for kids)

2 tomatoes

1/2 cup plain yogurt, stirred until smooth

Directions:

First, slightly  brown one block of bite size sprouted tofu in a bit of coconut oil.  You can always use paneer but I like the sprouted tofu.  Set the crispy tofu aside.

Then make the gravy or curry base.  In a large skillet, add a wee bit of coconut oil & add cumin seeds.  Let the seeds sizzle for 30 seconds or so.  Then add onions and cook until the onions are soft and brown (if the onions start sticking -- add water).  Then add garlic/ginger paste  and stir for a minute followed by the finely chopped pepper.  Next add the tomatoes until they cook.  Finally, dump the rest of the spices until everything gets fragrant.

Dump frozen spinach into the skillet.  Once the spinach has cooked slowly add plain yogurt for creaminess.   Add quite a bit of salt to lift & brighten the flavor.  Once the "saag" tastes right, add the tofu.

Serve with either brown rice or quinoa.  I personally think the brown rice works better with this dish.  This dish is loaded with veggies.  My soon to be four year olds and 1 year old love it!

But this is our playground, right?

My husband was tripping hard for having to write a check to the IRS for our quarterly taxes.  Yeah, it stinks and we definitely should have taxes/federal budget geared at things like socialized childcare/healthcare, paid university, etc. and not for paying for war and the likes of other nonsense.  I feel him.  But I thought he was tripping hard.  We are all healthy and our lives are full of love.  It's just a check and we can afford to write it.

I've learned that I can't change my husband or anyone else, all I can do is live my life in a way that will inspire him (them).  I try, I fail, but I keep trying to live my life as my highest self.

Saturday mornings are for us.  We put the kids in front of  Sesame Street after breakfast and took an hour to indulge in our us-ness.  But he was still tripping hard. So I asked him, "Do you think you were married to me in other lives?  Because I think I have been married to you in each and every one of them.  At the end of our journey, one of us exclaimed, 'earth was our playground and we worried way too much -- wanna do that again?'"  My husband smiled.

We get so wrapped up in goals and future events that we often miss out on the beauty of today.  I am the master of this moment and how I absorb my surroundings.  I can not control the future as hard as I try.  Life is filled with uncertainty; however, the demise of my physical body is certain.  So either I dance with life no matter what she throws at me, or I allow myself to marinate in negative feelings.  I have a clear vision of how it will be when I meet up with my husband at the other side of the after-life tunnel -- I will say to him, "Damn, baby!  That was a blast.  Do you wanna do it again or chill for some time?"

Where's my milk from???

So I've been milk obsessed lately since my baby turned one years old and is now off formula (I still lust after nursing breasts).    I started doing research and it seems like goat milk is best and raw cow's milk is second best.  Goat milk was costing me around $17/gallon and raw milk was costing around $14/gallon.  FUCKING HOLY HELL -- I've got 3 kids, that's insane.  If you know of better priced options in Los Angeles, drop me a line. 

So I decided to go with regular ole organic milk.  But I read that some organic milks are ultra pasteurized which basically means it's dead milk and you can't even make yogurt from it.  That's fucked up -- dead organic milk???  So I called up Trader Joe's and asked them where their organic milk is sourced from and they had no idea.   Then I called up Whole Foods and they had no idea.

Are you kidding me?  How do you not know where your milk is sourced from?  SHAME.

I then went to my friend google and figured it out -- guess what, it's not rocket science!

First, go to this website and insert the dairy code that is on each and every container of milk.  Sometimes the milk is directly from a farm and other times its from a processing plant.  The dairy code should be easy to find... otherwise, I'd be a wee bit suspicious. 

Second, you can go to this website to get a rating and review of the dairy farm/processing plant.

I finally settled on Strauss Family Creamery for my family (also known as the cream top whole milk at Trader Joe's).  It's still expensive and it makes me sad and emo since many folks, including many in my own family, simply can't afford organic non-GMO foods (that will be another post where I rant and rave).

Now staff at TJs and WFs, please get informed so you in turn can inform your customers!!!  This shit ain't rocket science... but it's obviously a pain in the ass to figure out where your milk is sourced from.

Oh My Goodness Soba Noodles with Kale

Originally, I was planning on making this soba noodle salad.  Unfortunately, I was plum out of miso paste.  Regardless, the end result was so incredibly delish that my almost 4 year old exclaimed, "mommy, OH MY GOODNESS, I can't wait to eat these noodles!"

Cooked one package of 100% soba noodles according to the instruction on the package.  Drain noodles and wash with cold water until the noodles were cold.

I food processed 1 bunch of dinosaur kale because even kids with itty bitty fingers can't pick out tiny pieces of kale. Sauted the kale in coconut oil.  Added a splash of TJ's soyaki to cut the bitter kale-ness.  Dumped in yellow sliced zucchini to the pan  because it was going bad in my fridge.  Veggies cooked.

I then made a peanut dressing from this recipe. 

I combined the soba noodles, veggies, dressing and a splash of TJ's sesame ginger dressing.  Lastly, the noodles got topped with sunflower seeds for a nice crunch.

Vegetable Biryani -- Quick & Easy

Vegetable biryani used to scare me to death.  I can't seem to understand how to cook rice partially on the stove top and finish off in the oven (my rice is either hard or disgustingly mushy) and my mom just happens to be the reigning chicken biryani queen.  I finally conquered this dish by using parts of this recipe and my brother's recipe. 

First, make the rice on the stove top:

• In a large pot heat up coconut oil (can sub with olive oil, grape seed oil, etc.).  Then add 1 cinnamon stick, 2 cloves and 2 cardamon to the oil.  
• Once all of the whole spices get fragrant, add 1 cup of basmati rice (I used brown rice) and fry until the rice gets golden.  
• Then add tons of water and boil the rice until perfectly cooked.  There is no need to measure the water because you simply strain the rice in a colander.  EASY.

Second, cook veggies and make a veggie masala:

• Heat oil in a big ass skillet.  Saute 1/2 an onion and 1/2 a bell pepper until onion turns transparent.
• Then add spices to the onion bell pepper mix:  1.5 teaspoons biryani masala (ready made from the Indian store), 1/4 teaspoon Lahore fish masala ( ready made from the Indian masala), 1 cinnamon, 1 bay leaf and 2 teaspoons ginger/garlic paste (I was lazy and used the pre-made stuff from the Indian store).  Make sure this spice paste does not burn!!!  Saute for a minute or two until the spices smell fragrant.  
• I had steamed cauliflower on hand and added that to the skillet plus 1 cup of frozen veggies and golden raisins.  
• Saute everything until the veggies are cooked.  

Third, mix it all up:

I dumped the rice into my skillet which contained the veggie masala mix.  I added salt to taste and lemon juice.  I roasted some cashews and added that to the mix.  Lastly, I fried up onions and sprinkled on top of the biryani for a crunchy and flavorful garnish.

My little bujji is a gap model!!!

I'm Feeling Emo

And that is reason enough to not blog.  Nothing is wrong.  I have all these thoughts floating through my head -- they collide into one another and some just vanish after making an appearance.  Maybe it's because my youngest is turning one years old next month.  Maybe it's because so many of the things we dreamed of happening just did.  Or maybe it's just because I need to start meditating and make it a daily practice.  Le sigh, even writing this blog post I know why I'm feeling emo, it's time to meditate.  Why is that so daunting???

Even in this hectic state of mind, the signs are clear -- slow down, breathe and sit still.  Yesterday I was wiped out with violent vomiting from some crazy bug. I know it's time to go inwards and connect with the universal life force.  So I'm committing to a challenge of 15 minute meditation for 30 days (yes, I'm procrastinating and this commitment starts tomorrow and not at 11:58 pm).  Why 15 minutes? For some reason I keep coming across this website -- maybe it's a sign?

Congratulations to A&S

My one and only little brother got married. 

This is what I do all day long...

I adore being a mommy.  The best decision to date was quitting my job spend more time with my family:)

Breakfast kale almond milk smoothie

1.5 cups almond milk (unsweetened)
2 cups packed kale
1 cup frozen strawberries and mangos
3/4 banana
1 tablespoon flax seeds
1 tablespoon almond milk

Vitamix it!!

Hiking in Maui... with a BABY!

 
We planned a last minute trip to Maui!!! My in-laws are going to watch the girls and the baby is coming with us because they are afraid he will wail as he is going through a mommy-crack phase. I'd rather go on vacation alone with my husband. We get very little alone time where we get to just be pals... chit chat about nonsense, eat too many snacks, binge on tv, take silly pics -- oh the pre-kid good times. Too much parenting and too little friendship building. Also, the kids get me feeling all maternal and not exactly sexy. So yes, vacation is goofing around, eating snacks, chillin, frolicking and pretending we have no kids. I suppose we can still pretend that we do not have any kids with just baby in tow... right?

When we went to Oahu we hiked ever single morning.  I want to do the same on Maui -- hike in the morning followed by a swim in the ocean.  I was concerned about hiking with baby in the ergo because my hips were killing me from quick hikes up Runyon Canyon.  For non-Angelenos, Runyon provides a quick 45  minute fairly steep urban hike.  So I went to REI and purchased a heavy duty framed carrier (Deuter kid comfort II) because if I could not do any easy Runyon hike, I'd surely have to give up my hiking in Maui delusional fantasies.  The carrier weighs 6 lbs.  It cost almost $300 with tax -- well for that price it had to work miracles. Wrong!! It was beautifully built but I hated it.  I could feel every extra pound and my center of gravity was completely off.  I for sure would have fallen on a steep or narrow path.  I returned the Deuter the very next day.

I then did mad research on hiking in an ergo vs. framed carrier.  I am a virgo, obsessive research is how we roll.  Based on scouring mommy message boards because I like subjective information, I had a new reinvigorated faith in my ergo.  Hands down people were gaga over their ergo.  These posts suggested wearing the ergo right at the hips and wearing it a bit loose.  Also, it was suggested to put the baby in the carrier on your back, pull up babies legs and do a little bouncy bounce to get baby's booty in the very bottom of the ergo carrier.

I've got a monkey on my back -- A3's little foot is sticking out!!

I made the quick adjustments and was able to hike up Runyon with no problems.  Nothing hurt!!  Sure, it was a workout, but no pain at all.  Then I did something psycho.  I decided to really put the ergo to the test. I put A3 (20 something pounds) on my back in the ergo and pushed A1 & A2 (about 70 pounds) in a double stroller from my house to the pediatrician's office in Beverly Hills.  I realized very quickly that Los Angeles has quite a bit of elevation.  The 8 miles round trip wore me out; but, the ergo was AWESOME.  A3 slept and would wake up and I'd swivel him to the front to give him a snack or a bottle.  He was 100% comfortable.  My muscles ached the next day, but not because of the ergo.

Update:  Baby and I killed hikes in Maui. Sure, the kid got sweaty and my husband was the pack mule, but my body felt great.  We hiked 5 hours a day to waterfalls, volcanos, geysers, etc.  in total comfort.

Day 2 & 3 of Detox

Mental hunger.  I was never actually physically hungry.  I learned a powerful lesson, my body doesn't need as much food as I desire or fantasize about.  I just love food.  Nothing makes me happier than a tasting menu at the finest restaurants. During this cleanse I fantasized about eating just about everything.  If it wasn't for my good friend CC who did the cleanse with me, I would have quit.

The first day after the cleanse I grabbed my ergo and my 20+ pound baby and hiked Runyon Canyon.  It was a quick hour workout on a steep incline.  Although I hadn't eaten in three days, the hike was easy. I felt strong.  Clearly my body was able to do a moderate hike on 3 days of juice.

Shit.  I over consume.  I never realized I was mentally hungry because I work so incredibly hard to be healthy.  I do yoga, pilates, and hiking at least 4-5 times a week, I eat super healthy and I have a clean bill of health and a small percentage of body fat.  But I would also love to eat an entire bag of cheetoes or curly fries... or just about anything salty or sweet.

Shit.  I'm mentally hungry.  I have a demon.

My dad died from eating crap.  He developed diabetes that he allowed to spiral so out of control that his kidneys shut down.  He ended up on dialysis,  followed by a transplant, cancer and a terrible death.  I've never seen someone inhale a bag of chips like my dad.  He was always mentally hungry.

After his death I vowed to be healthy and strong.  I was never going to go out like that.  So I eat organic nutritious foods and am in crazy good shape.... yet,  I'm still mentally hungry.  Profound realization for me.

I need to meditate daily.  I also need to challenge myself like this at least twice a year.  I'll conquer mental hunger.

Day 1 of juice cleanse

I used to think cleanses or detoxes were a fad or a quick way to fit into a tight ass dress. I was so incredibly wrong. In a nutshell, cleansing allows your body to get rid of all the crap that it never gets a chance to get to because it is digesting the food you consume daily. A good analogy to cleansing is cleaning house. I never have a chance to deep clean, I barely have time to keep up with the day to day. Thank goodness I have someone who comes to my house to deep clean; otherwise, it would look kinda superficially clean even though it was really dirty.

Juice cleanses can cost a lot of money (usually at least $140 for a 3 day cleanse, if not $250). In the spirit of cheapness, my friend and I are making our own juices in the vitamix by straining out the fiber. We used blue print cleanse recipes. While many purists believe cold pressed juice is best, my good friend and registered dietician believes our bodies can only absorb a certain amount of nutrients and the nutrients in the juice extracted through a vitamix is just fine.

I drank 5 juices today and 2 liters of water. I feel nauseous, light headed and high (floating on air). I am skipping yoga during the cleanse (my usual hatha yoga is too intense) and sticking to light stretching.

Observations:  My meditation tonight was way more intense. There is an overall feeling of peace.

Vitamix is the bomb.com

Wow. Just wow. It is kitchen appliance extraordinaire. It's not just a blender, it actually helps me live a healthier life. Is the cost justified? Absolutely, hands down. I am pretty cheap and even I was ready to spend $500 after doing research and talking to friends who own a vitamix. Luckily I was able to get one for $380 at costco. Regardless, It's worth every cent. I use my vitamix throughout the day.

I make green smoothies with kale, chard, beet greens, etc. on a daily basis. The greens are pulverized and my smoothie is silky smooth. No chunks or pieces of leaves! Silky smooth -- it's unbelievable. This means that even with the craziness of three kids I still get to have a delicious glass or two of a nutritiously dense smoothie. I'm talking 2 to 3 cups of kale or other green leafy vegetable in a smoothie.

Basic green smoothie:
1 small apple
1 lemon (I like to take the skin off, remove seeds and put into vitamix; or you could just squeeze the juice)
Ginger (I use an inch)
2 handfuls of kale (removing stems is ideal)
Turmeric or cayenne pepper
Water
(Jalapeño because I like mine spicy)

I even made ice cream today that my kids went bananas over. The vitamix pulverizes ice and frozen fruits! The consistency was that of frozen yogurt (not the soft serve variety). Very much reminded me of turkey hill frozen yogurt.

Strawberry ice cream:
1 frozen banana (slice before freezing ripe bananas)
handful frozen strawberries
splash or two of cashew milk

I just mentioned cashew milk in the recipe above. I never really understood the nut milk hype. It tasted pretty bland at the grocery store. The homemade stuff is completely different. Creamy. Decadent. Sweet. Satisfying. The recipe for cashew milk is insanely easy.

Cashew milk:
1 cup cashews
3 cups milk

I enjoyed a delicious cashew milk green smoothie today. The cashew milk provided all the sweet I needed. Toddlers and baby approved.

Breakfast smoothie:
1 cup cashew milk
Water as needed
Handful frozen strawberries
2-3 cups spinach
1/4 cup oats

Next week I will be doing spring juice detox with my vitamix. Buying juices for a cleanse in LA, if you actually pick up the juices, costs a minimum of $75 based on my research. No thanks!!

My vitamix has paid for itself. I'm completely obsessed.

p.s.  Vitamix makes awesome margaritas!!!

Strawberry margarita:
1 bag of frozen organic strawberries
4 limes (remove skin)
6 shots of tequila
3-4 tablespoons agave
2 glasses ice
(3 servings)

Fish curry with rapini & sweet potatoes

I loosely used this recipe for inspiration.  I had mahi mahi on hand.  I subbed the cocunut milk for cocunut butter (not the same as as coconut oil). 

Sauteed onion in coconut oil.  Added panch poran (bengali 5 seeds). Added garlic.  When everything got aromatic I added curry powder (sorry mom!).  Once I could smell the curry, I added 2 tablespoons of coconut butter.  Then I followed the recipe.  Salt & pepper to taste. 

V, my husband who is american born indian, walked in and exclaimed, "oh gawd, why does it smell like curry??"  He has lost all indian rights.

I would absolutely make this again.  Easy and quite flavorful.

Sundays at the hollywood farmers market

I adore going to the farmers market with all 3 kids in tow. 

Great find:  saint benoit yogurt (its made from sweet Jersey whole milk and the lemon meyer is out of control).  I'm in love!!!  They sell their products in returnable clay and glass jars.  Heavenly!!!

In the biz!

With my New England sensibilities, everything about the business in LA scared the shit out of me. I had visions of my twin girls smoking meth at 5 while critiquing their bodies. Plus, we moved to DC when the girls were 6 weeks old. So I never considered sending my kids for entertainment gigs.

But then we moved back to LA (yay!!!). I got approached often by talent agents. This usually happened at trader joes, I would get asked, "do your girls have representation? If not, here is my card." I tore them all up, it made me uneasy.

But I don't feel uneasy about sending A3's pic to agents. Maybe because he is a boy and not a twin, at 9 months I do not believe there will be any negative emotional repercussions or I've now met sane people in the biz. Anyhow, hells yeah, I want college money for A3.

I was told by friends that its relatively easy for babies to get work in LA. So I tried my hand by sending an email to a talent agent recommended by a friend. She was immediately interested in A3 and now he has a print ad gig on Thursday. This all went down in one day -- from contacting agent to getting gig -- how insane, this is a benefit to living in Hollywood.. $100/hour and a minimum of 2 hours.... I definitely never made that much even in college!! I was waitressing!!

This is all due to incredibly good luck. Lucky water dragon baby.

Reality check

Clearly I was delusional when I thought staying at home instead of working and having a nanny would be a piece of cake. Wrong. Dead wrong. I mean I was so wrong that I must have been hitting that crack pipe hard without knowing it.

Oh.my.fucking.gawd.

How can 3 small kids make such a mess??? How can crumbs end up in every corner. My house looks like a bomb went off. A bomb!! I have to clean at 5 am or the late hours of the night to get anything cleaned. I spend my days interacting with the kids and somehow manage to accomplish very little housework. I may also just suck at cleaning. Regardless, I spend hours cleaning everyday and then the bombs explode all day and ruin my well intentioned hard work.

My husband, god bless his heart, is the cheapest man I know, literally. And even he has asked me to hire help several times a week because he can't deal. I can't convey enough how chaotic it can get. How did my mom do this??

A bomb!!!

I no longer have grandiose fantasies about being a super mom where my girls have sweet French braids, my house is sparkling, we go to the farmers market weekly and I whip up gourmet meals, I'm showered with fresh faced makeup, and the children have a full curriculum after preschool on reading, writing, trips to the museums, etc. I'm in survival mode. Not getting cranky and being zen all day is my goal. But the lack of makeup is killing me. These days I'm trying to look like a human being again. I just couldn't take looking nasty everyday.

Still, I'd rather clean up after the bomb explosion daily because A3 rock. I love chilling with them. They crack me up. And they are insanely cute. Cuddle time instead of working??? YES.