Finding Time & Wanting Tomorrow

Where can I find time?  How can I find more time?

I'm a full-time working mom of toddler twins.  My partner has a very hectic job and is required to be a slave to his crackberry.  I'm also an intensely social person with many interests (primary interest being my spiritual journey).



Here's how my weekdays usually look:

5:55 am wake up
6:15 -7:45 am yoga
8 - 5 pm work while nanny turned friend watches kids
5-6 pm  play with kids
6-7 pm  prepare and serve dinner (for kids)
7-8:30 pm play with kids, clean up, wind children down for bed
8:30 - 9 pm sometimes the kids cry, sometimes they want water, sometimes they want "blankie", etc.
9 - 10 pm spend time with my partner
10 pm bed

This schedule doesn't even include friends, book club, pursing my interests, dates with hubby, grocery shopping, running errands, etc.  I could choose to sleep less and be sleep deprived; however, I would then definitely need caffeine in the morning.  I'd rather not drink coffee.  I'd rather just drink a cup of tea.  I'd rather honor my body and get rest instead of being fueled on artificial stimulants.

In my heart, I know my schedule is not working for me.  I'm enjoying my life as much as possible, but most of the time suck is my job.  I definitely enjoy my job.  That said, my job is my least favorite activity in my day, I'd much rather work 20 hours a week and have time to live life more.

Today, I've been in this place of "I don't know."  I don't know how to manifest 20 hours of work week.  I want it now.  I feel very much trapped in the present.  How awful is that.  I'm pining away for the hopes of tomorrow where I will have what I want.  That sort of thinking makes me feel heavy.

The process of writing has brought me clarity and peace.  I have set my intention.  I want to work fewer hours a week.  I will meditate on how to make that happen.  In the meantime, I need to have faith that everything will work out and enjoy each moment (not look forward to the future).  I am blessed to have wonderful friends, family and so many hobbies/interests -- my life is too full, I suppose that ain't so bad of a problem to have.

Note:  I understand many families have much more hectic schedules (i.e., mom and dad working different shifts to support their family).  I simply do not believe that life has to be that hectic.  I don't expect it to be that difficult.  Heaven is on earth.  I believe I am here to gain experiences and develop in this life.  Life has presented a wrinkle, it is up to me to decide how to deal with it and make changes for my highest good.

Why didn't anyone tell me???

My good friend, Asian Daria, brought me a beautiful gift on Saturday night.  Part of my gift was a pendulum (see image above).  Each of the 7 stones in the pendulum corresponds to each chakra.  As soon as I received the gift, I just knew that it always belonged to me and I've been searching for that specific pendulum.

I instinctively knew what to do with the pendulum.  I decided to fire my hands up with reiki energy and then held the pendulum between my thumb and forefinger above my palm.    The pendulum started swinging in a circular motion.  My mind was blown.  The more I concentrated, the more it swung.  I asked my partner and Asian Daria, "Is this shizz for real?"  Yes, for real.

I knew the next step for me was to consult google and run a few searches.  Through google, I learned that you can use the pendulum to ask questions to the divine intelligence.

• Yes:  Swings North to South
• No:  Swings East to West
• I haven't figured out maybe.  I think diagonal.. unsure.

I can also use the pendulum to detect blockage in someone's chakras.  The pendulum swings in  a circular motion when energy is flowing.  The pendulum either doesn't swing or swings in a non-circular manner when there is an energy blockage.  I can unblock the chakra energy by asking, "God, can you please unblock A's [insert chakra name]."  The pendulum immediately starts to move as soon as I make this request.  How frakking crazy?

This is all a bit surreal to me.  Does everyone know about this pendulum stuff?  I had no friggin' clue!!  I now have a totally different meaning for everyday magic.  Mind blown.

Grounding Children Through the Root Chakra

Image source:  http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3121/2355335638_8c0f670ee1.jpg

We exchange energy with one another everyday.  The following passage explains this concept clearly:

As we interact with each other we exchange pieces of ourselves in the form of energy, moods, opinions and behaviors. These pieces float around our space and often begin to cloud our perceptions and actions. A good example is when you interact with someone who’s in a terrible mood. In just a few minutes you could find yourself in a terrible mood as well, even though the circumstances of your day have not changed at all. This is because you are picking up someone else’s “stuff” and holding onto it. You begin to function through those elements as though they were your own. 

Another great example is a toxic relationship.  You start taking on the energy of that person.  Perhaps you start feeling insecure (like him), emotionally volatile (like him), heavy (like him), etc.   


Grounding helps you remove all of this junk.  I like this woman's explanation of how she grounds her energy:

Staying 'Grounded' is very important. There are many methods of how this is done. I personally like something that is fast and easy to do. Intention and visualizing are quick easy methods and can be done in a second at anytime, without anyone even noticing! The first thing I do is ask Gaia (Mother Earth) her permission for my grounding cord to enter the core of her being. Then I visualize a clear cord or clear rope coming from my root chakra (tail bone area) and entering Gaia. It grows in length, and continues to grow until it has been fully anchored into the core of Gaia. This grounding cord releases negative energy and also brings in positive energy. Set your intention to send all the negative energy down this cord, physically exhale, releasing it into Gaia. After the negative energy has all been released, with intention bring up the positive life-giving earth energy with a physical inhale. Thank Gaia and do not worry that this will hurt her, it doesn't! Have your kids make a monkey chain cord. It's the intention that works!

So my toddlers are very much affected by energy.  If I am calm and at peace, they generally are.  I've started the dialogue about meditation, but at 2 years old they don't exactly sit there and meditate when they have a temper tantrum.  However, as their mother, I am energetically very much connected to them (being a mom rocks!).  I plan on grounding my children every time shit starts to get cray-cray.  I will imagine an umbilical cord coming from their root chakra and anchoring itself into the earth.  I will also imagine all of the negative and unbalanced energy leaving them.


So incredibly grateful to be a mother.  A^2 are such precious gifts from the divine.

Grace Light Meditation

I did Dr. Pillai's grace light meditation yesterday with a circle of women.  WOW.  So what is grace light?

Grace Light is the incredibly radiant light of the Divine within us -- compassionate, intelligent and almighty. Grace light is not the light of the sun or any physical light. It is an explosive inner light, more brilliant and powerful than the sun, described by the saints, prophets and enlightened masters of all faiths throughout the ages. It has the incredible power to know and do everything. As Grace Light empowers us, our hearts and minds will be ignited with divine inner radiance and intelligence.

Image source:  http://thesimplestways.com/images/w_m_grace_light_dark.jpg

Grace light also diffuses old karma.  The actual meditation itself was an intense trip.  During the meditation we visualized grace light entering our charkas.  I did all of the gates (1-9).  At one point, while staring at Dr. Pillai's face as he transmitted grace light, I saw his face morph into several gurus and spiritual leaders throughout time.

More importantly, we created a very beautiful space.  A space for women to commune, discuss, share information and grow and develop together.  How incredibly beautiful.  Some of the most powerful moments of my life has been in community with wise and loving women.

I woke up today feeling much more light, mindful and at peace.  I don't feel any stress in my body.  It's easier for my mind to be still.

Mindfulness

My girls teach me mindfulness everyday, what a blessing.  Toddlers can be frustrating.  My gawd, the whining is out of control.  They get so flipping frustrated.  They act out like petulant little children.

It would be easy to spiral out of control and join them in the whine, frustration, etc.  But I am their example.  I am their teacher.  I need to be mindful to discipline from a place of calmness, never anger.  I need to keep a check on what I say and how I say it -- these girls love to mimic me.  I also need to come from a place of yes.

What do I mean?  For example, "Mommy, I want to watch super why!!!"  I could say, "No.  B/c I said so."  Is this fostering communication?   Is this fostering my children to trust me, build confidence and become more empowered?  I don't think so.  I think this answer is better, "Okay honey.  Let's first go brush your teeth and get you breakfast in order. Then you can watch one episode, okay?"

Sometimes the girls are out of control impatient.  "Mommy I want this now!!!"  Sometimes, I just can't accommodate their request.  I think a good approach is to say, "I hear you. I hear that you want this now.  Unfortunately, we have to wait.  I love you."  Often, all they want is a bit of empathy.  Don't we all???

Every kids learns and grows at a different pace.  I need to honor and cherish my children for who they are.  This takes patience and lots of mindfulness.  So thank you A^2 for making me a better mother and person each and every time you pose me with a challenge (i.e., whine).

Like, OMG, Are you for Real?

What what??  You say life is hard.  You say life is too busy to have fun.  You say you have no interests, just work.

I say, "I feel sorry for you.  Wake up.  Look around.  Start living."  Life can start now (at any age, 18 or 68).

Granted, I just returned from vacation in Hawaii.  It wasn't enough.  One week of pursuing my interests entirely -- absolutely not enough.  There is too much to explore and experience.  Life excites me.

I came home to angry work inbox.  Everything was an emergency.  I thought --  shit man, maybe no yoga this week, I gotta buckle down and work work work....  My insides were screaming --  DID YOU LEARN NOTHING WHILE VACATIONING?  You are blessed beyond blessed and yet you resort to this place of fear.  Fear of not getting it all done in the time prescribed.  Fear.  Pressure.  Unhappiness.  Fear of what???


Ridiculous.  How am I supposed to find time for life when there is so much "work"?  Not give a shit.  Literally.  Set my own boundaries and not let them get pushed.  And if the worst scenario happens and I can't continue to stay at my job, I'll find another!  My job doesn't define me.  I won't live another moment being a slave to work just because life is so hard.