Gayatri Mantra

Yesterday, during Reiki class, I asked God -- "Show me how to connect with you." 10 seconds later, my teacher started talking about this one mantra she really likes. I immediately piped up and said, "which one."  I knew I should meditate to this mantra.  This morning I listend to the Gayatri mantra (I love this song, I grew up hearing this!) and did reiki on myself and meditated. I need to strengthen my meditation practice, next time, I will sing this song while I medidtate.  Ready to start my day.

First reiki session on my guinea pig

The kids were fussy and kept crying from their bedroom after we put them to bed, so it was a short session. 

My hands felt certain sensations as I moved them over his body.  I noticed a pull around his head, heart, belly and ankles.

Afterwards, he said, "I feel so relaxed now.  My ankle feels better."

Also, when I conveyed the cost of my attunment, he simply said, "Okay, as long as you're happy."  That was it.  And then he told me that he had miscalculated our joint after tax disposable income -- we have more money for enjoying life than we thought we originally had!!!   Thanks God.  

Reiki I Attunement

Today was my first experience with Reiki attunement.  I don't exactly know where to start.  Here I go....

I had expectations.  I expected my life to change.  And it has.

I met with my Reiki teacher for a Reiki I class.  A fellow student was present.  The class provided a wealth of information that resonated with me.   Attunement is best described as an old skool television with rabbit ears (i.e., antenna) that is just not receiving a signal, so the television is fuzzy.  The antenna has to be adjusted to receive the correct channel.  This is what my teacher did for me, she adjusted my channel so that I could tune in energy from God/universe/source/divine.  

My teacher led me on a guided meditation.  I was in a cave filled with brilliant crystals.  I started reaching for the top of the cave which had an opening.  The opening was a sphere of bright light.  I tried to reach the light but gray/black smoke surrounded me.  The light was to my far right.  My feet felt heavy and glued to the floor.  My hands felt hot and heavy.  I wanted to desperately reach the light but I was so afraid the darkness would cover it.  I could feel an energy on my throat.  It was hard to swallow.  I finally started to stop being afraid of black/grey smoke.  The light was now in front of me and I entered through it.  Next, I was in a bright, almost white, room.  But then the room had streaks of grey smoke.  I was in both light and dark.  Throughout my experience I would see bolts of lightning and swirls of purple energy.  After the attunement I was dizzy and thirsty.

Did it work?  I have no doubt.  I practiced reiki on the other student.  As I ran my hands about 1-2 inches above her body, I felt sensations in my hands -- heat, tingly, pulls towards energy...  My hands got very hot. I practiced again when I came home.

Reiki is less about energy healing and more about connecting with God.  It's about dancing with life.  It's about desires without expectations.  It's about being present.  It's about living each moment in joy.  It's about not getting bogged down by the shit that happens in life.  Shit will always happen, we know this.  But why dwell?  Live in bliss!!  

So have I been magically transformed?  Yes.  This doesn't mean that I still don't have a panic moment, when I'm not being fully present.  I had a panic moment at the end of my Reiki class.   I noticed that it was 5 pm, time flew by, and I had to go home and relieve my nanny.  Worry entered my mind.  The class cost $275 and I never discussed a dollar amount with my partner (we have a joint rule to discuss all single purchases over a certain dollar amount).  I thought, "Oh Shit, is he gonna be pissed?"  I felt flustered.  I had to say out loud, "No, this is easy.  There is no problem.  He is going to be so happy for me and think I got a awesome deal."

Lesson learned from this panic moment:  you got this, don't let worry enter your mind, it's easy, remember what you learned today!!! 

Major things I learned today:

1. I am afraid of my feminine energy -- uhm, duh, this is why I had fertility issues
2. I compare myself with my partner to the point of stress (i.e., well he worked 80 hours this week, I really should work at least 60)
3. I need more self-love and acceptance

There's so much more I could write, but right now it's time for me to draw.  I haven't done anything artistic with paint, pastels, watercolors in over a decade.  But I feel an overwhelming need.  I purchased a drawing book and oil pastels tonight.  

I feel alive.  My journey started not too long ago and I am excited about the upcoming adventures.  This is my life and it will be lived in light and oneness with God.  God, show me the purpose of my life.  I'm listening.

Tea with a Reiki Teacher

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I wasn't sure what to expect.  We had a conversation.  It was easy to talk to her.  I wanted to soak in all of her words and fully absorb each of them.  She is now my reiki teacher.

What exactly is reiki?  Well, my teacher put it best, it's a tool to have the spiritual life force (i.e., chi, qi, prana) on tap whenever you need it.

After "tea", I went to the grocery store and did other mundane errands.  I enjoyed every minute of the mundane, I was living in the present (no, I don't generally smile like a clown at TJ's).  Afterwards, girlfriends came over and we hit the pool with the little ones and cooked dinner together.  After everyone left, I couldn't shake off this heaviness on my heart.

My heart felt constrained.  I wanted to cry.  I was all sorts of emotional.  I didn't feel good.  But I knew what this was, and more importantly I had a solution!  Both of my bffs are going through heart woes -- break ups. They are hurting.  This heart-hurting vibe/energy rubbed off on me.  I haven't felt this way in a long time.  It's been many many years since my heart has hurt like this (so much gratitude for my life partner).  I googled a guided meditation on youtube to ground myself and cleanse myself of this negative energy.  As soon as the meditation was over, I felt light and not heavy.

I haven't even started doing reiki yet!  But already, I feel connected.

Meditation -- What the FUCK is it?

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My problem is that I'm a perfectionist.   I've had a few amazing experiences with meditation, usually a guided meditation with inspiring gong music, where I felt joyful afterwards.  Picture it:  you get into the meditation groove, all of a sudden you are floating outside of your body (completely awake), and then you come out of the meditation and you feel joyful and at peace.

The best visual I have for this joyful mediation experience is taking a dip in a pool that is God/The Source/Divine/Cosmic Energy.  The day is so hot I could suffocate. The humidity is out of control.  I feel as if I'm in a fog.  So then I take a dip in this refreshing pool.  I come out of the pool fully rejuvenated and at peace with mental clarity.

Well, post-meditation joy seldom happened to me.  So I simply stopped meditating often.  I would put it off for a week or month(s).  Yeah, no joke. I had no discipline about it.  But no worries, I was gently reminded to stop being a lazy ass fairly recently.  I talked to a good friend, Vani, last week.  I've known Vani for a few years -- she is a yoga teacher and artist.  I was shocked to learn that she is also a student of reiki.  I told her that I am about to start my own reiki journey.  Vani said to me, "Reiki is like yoga and meditation. You must have discipline and practice."  When Vani told me this, her words popped out at me in bold and in yellow highlight.  I took her message to heart.

Granted, it's been less than a week, but I've given up expectation.  It doesn't matter what the effects of meditation will be.  I will do it everyday.  For me, 10 minutes before bed works fabulously.  I listen to gong music and focus on my breathing.  Of course a million thoughts keep popping into my head -- "Did you pick up milk at the grocery store."  I push the thought out of my head and another one pops in -- "Shit, I think my upper lip is hairy."  I push that thought out of my head.  I'm teaching myself a new skill -- still my mind!!!  I'm also waking up every morning and doing yoga.  I no longer have an expectation that I will do yoga for a prescribed time -- 60 or 90 minutes.  It would be awesome to do yoga for 90 minutes a day, but this should serve as a wonderful goal, rather than an excuse to procrastinate.  I will do yoga everyday for at least 20 minutes as soon as I wake up.  Yeah, I'm busy, but not so busy that I can't find time for 20 minutes of daily yoga and 10 minutes of daily meditation.  Commitment, it's on!

I have conviction and faith that daily meditation will make my life more joyful because it will directly help foster my relationship/connection with God (or whatever you want to call it).  Keep meditating, maybe you'll get your own conviction.  

p.s.  I realize now that the universe has given me all the tools I need from the get-go.  The universe put Vani into my life a few years ago.  I could have tapped into all of the knowledge she has on yoga/reiki/meditation, but I didn't.  I wasn't listening to the gentle nudges of the universe.  As soon as I was ready to listen, the universe started directly connecting me with people to help me on this journey (new and old friends).  The universe supports me.  In other words, "Jesus loves me for the Bible tells me so,"  is pretty right on (most religions endorses the belief that all of us are God's children and very much loved).

Circle of Women

It's always with a circle of women where I feel my greatest potential.

I had a fabulous evening full good conversation, amazing women, delish food and equally tasty wine and such.  Where else but LA will women organically sit in circle and discuss raising their vibrational energies?  It was liberating to meet people who were in sync with me, who feel the divine/universe/God in all its glory supporting them, with the conviction that life has purpose.  My heart needed that connection.

I also met lovely healers.  I've always been drawn to healing and sensitive to vibes, so meeting these wonderful women was what I was searching for.  I watched them heal.  I felt the warmth of the healing energy on my skin, it was comforting and nurturing.  I need to learn more about this.  I was able to tap into something.  I felt as if a gigantic neon sign started flashing in front of me

Reiki!

Chance Encounters

I left for Nashville feeling depleted.  I was working too much.  I wasn't spending time with myself.  I was losing my divine connection.  Of course it was still there, just not as loud and clear.  I suppose I was losing touch with me.  Nose to the grind, just plugging away.

I reached out to the universe and said, "I need wisdom and guidance.  I need you."  And it manifested.

I saw live music in Nashville.  Seeing the musicians jamming with glee filled my heart with joy.  I was captivated by their enthusiasm and love for creating incredible sounds.  The vibrations entered my heart.

Then, I boarded a plane back home.  I sat next to a young lad.  I knew we were going to talk.  It was a feeling that said -- put away your nook, connect with people.  We ended up having this amazing 4 hour convo full of sharing, connecting and communing.  My god, how beautiful is that?  I felt this energy spread to the others near us.  We were in sync, in harmony.

I was at peace.  I was reassured that the universe supports me.  I was reminded to be present in my life, that the guidance and wisdom I am seeking from the divine is all around me.  I am surrounded by it.  The divine speaks to me through the workings of daily life and living.

There is no doubt that I am on the right path.  My purpose is just manifesting itself.  I'm ready.  I'm ready to dance with life.  I'm no longer seeking, I'm listening.