I just want to die…

That’s what my dad keeps saying. We’re visiting my parents for the weekend and it’s utterly depressing. My dad feels horrible. He looks like a living corpse. All he does is smoke bud to try and alleviate the pain and lie down on the floor moaning in pain. He simply isn’t doing well. He just repeats over and over that all he wants is to die.

I feel bad that I hate being here. I remember the days when my dad would make jokes, say outrageous things and we would just have a good time. The laughter is gone now. There’s nothing that I can say or do that makes him feel better.

This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. I’m afraid that it’ll never be the way it used to be.

Happy Holidays Indeed

My mother grates on my nerves like none other, but I love her. We were on the phone for an hour or so yesterday and it was easy (for once). Granted, I am very embarrassed that she mailed several baked items to my work address, at a federal agency mind you. She didn't even bat an eye as she told me the following: “What? I couldn’t find you. You didn’t return my phone calls. I had to mail you gluten-free fruit cake and Bengali pastries, it’s the HOLIDAYS, and you need them. Since you REFUSED to call me back, I pulled out your business card and found your work address. What’s the big deal?”

Yesterday I was pissed; today the story makes me laugh. Gotta love the crazy family.

Why I Started This Blog

Let’s take a look back to October 2005, shall we? I still don’t know where my relationship with God currently stands. Admittedly, I am a bad Catholic and rarely go to Mass (I routinely miss the High Holidays – gasp).

After the miscarriage I was livid with anger towards God. I prayed everyday of my pregnancy that my baby would be healthy. I thought babies were God’s domain b/c we simply understand little of the mysteries of pregnancy and why miscarriages truly happen, and the rhetoric the doctor gives, “must have been a chromosomal abnormality” isn’t a sufficient explanation. I thought for sure God heard my prayers. Why not? I hadn’t simply gotten knocked up. This baby was planned and deeply wanted. Hubby and I waited 2+ years to get preggers so that we would be emotionally and financially sound as well as provide us a couple of years of just couple time. Yes, I thought if anyone deserves bringing a baby into this world it’s me and hubby.

I realized that God was not listening to my prayers on Saturday night when the bleeding turned heavy, the cramping started and a large clot passed through me. I shook my fist toward the Heavens and yelled to Him, “Why couldn’t you just have given me this? Why did I get pregnant just to miscarry? This isn’t fair. Plenty of people in this world curse at their bellies hoping for a miscarriage and yet they carry their baby to full term. Why did you not listen to my prayers?” God gave me no answers and I told Him to fuck off.

Then there are all of you. Your support and love through comments, emails and silent prayers/meditations have cocooned me in a healing light. I know the simple reason that I am able to start the healing process regarding my baby’s loss is because of you. I can feel this positive energy surround me. While my faith is far from being fully restored, your positive energy has brought me closer to the Higher Power I call God.

To all of you: thank you for your love and support.

Letter Not Meant To Alienate Anyone*

Dear Family & Friends:

Yes, my miscarriage was confirmed this morning via ultrasound.

Please do not call me and ask me how I am doing. I could smile and laugh and tell you that I was okay but that would be pointless. I am fucked up right now. And no, I don’t want to talk about my feelings. I’m not ready to talk about “it”.

Don’t give me your sympathy or pity because I simply don’t want it. Please do not send me holiday cheer because Christmas can go fuck itself. No holiday cheer here, thank you very much.

I am not trying to be mean, but I haven’t gotten a new cell phone as of yet, even though I feel crippled with my cell phone being dead, because I don’t want to talk to you and answer the “how are you feeling” questions. Please understand.

And really, no advice. I don’t need your advice on soldiering up or how time heals all wounds. Thanks, keep the clichés for some other tortured soul.

All I can do right now is simply be. It’s hard enough to get out of bed. I can’t do anymore than that right now. Maybe in the near future I can transform from just “being” to “living”. Don’t hold your breath.

Fucked Up,

Bengali Chick

*Please don’t be offended. I am not trying to offend anyone. I know my friends and family are amazing. I just want to get through this alone and I know that when I’m ready to come to you, you will be there. Love you.

You Can't Always Get What You Want

Yes Rolling Stones you are correct. We will always face challenges and adversity in life. No way of getting around it.... just don't know how the dice will roll. I suppose all we can control are our reactions to these hardhips that we face: let our obstacle consume us or roll with the punches . The latter is easier said that done.

Granted the question that always enters our minds in the face of hardship is the "why me God, why me?"

Well Depece Mode you said it just right in Blasphemous Rumours:
I don't want to start any blasphemous rumours
But I think that God's got a sick sense of humor
And when I die I expect to find Him laughing

Roll with the punches, eh? Peace.

New Definition for a Good Friend

Last night Roonie came over to watch the re-runs of the Thursday night NBC line up and feast on vegetarian nachos and Reed's ginger ale. In between heaping my black bean concotion on top of the nachos I felt a gush in my panties. Generally the gush is nothing but normal discharge in the first trimester... but I being a crazy one had to check it out. It wasn't clear discharge, it was spotting and my mind raced with thoughts of miscarriage. On the positive side the color was brown and not red, meaning the blood was not fresh (good sign). I of course did a swipe and ran out of the bathroom for Roonie to inspect. She then did internet research on miscarriages to calm me down.

I have an apointment at 1:45 PM today -- wish me luck (I'm trying to stay calm).

RECAP: You have a good friend when you feel comfortable enough to show her what the va-ja-ja is expelling and the same night do research on the political situation in Iran.

Family Track? Career Track?

My friend sent me this article yesterday and it got me thinking about marriage and family. It was a very interesting read.

There is no right or wrong way to live one’s life. You do your best to figure out what it is that is important to you and try to manifest that into a reality. Marriage and children aren’t for everyone. Making it one’s life goal to have simply a successful career isn’t for everyone.

What pisses me off is that of late I have encountered many thickheaded people. You know the type – the ones that argue to ad nauseum for the sake or arguing. The kind of people that are so foolish they can’t see any point of view other than their own. The same fucks that simply argue their position to vindicate the decisions they have made in their life. Yes I hate you people b/c you are simply too stupid and arrogant to possibly imagine that there maybe merit to living a life different from yours.

What is maturity? To me, maturity is being able to think through your actions, see the possible ramifications and make a choice that best fits your life b/c you as a mature person have put in the time and effort to truly know yourself. The institution of marriage or the act of creating a family in itself does not deem someone mature. If I hear one more person say, “when you grow up and mature you’ll see… you’ll get married” – what the fuck does that mean? Do we know the divorce rate in America? What about those couples that have a shitty marriage (b/c mind you they should never have gotten married and only did so b/c they're the settling type) and decide to have a child to save their marriage – wow that is surely a sign of maturity. Get off the maturity bandwagon.

Why did I get married? How do I put in tangible words that I found someone that inspires me to be a better person, someone who inspires me to be more of an independent thinker, someone who’s love nourishes me and gives me strength? I found a man who became my family and I wanted to honor that love and cherish that relationship. This is where the line between need and choice, complete and incomplete all get fuzzy. I simply cannot imagine my life without him. I am not mature b/c I got married; I am mature to realize the sanctity of our relationship.

New Baby Blog

I've been battling with the idea of starting a baby blog separate from this blog and finally decided against it. This is my blog and bengalic chic is morphing into HOT bengali mamma bear and I don't want to administer 2 blogs -- one will surely get neglected -- so EFF that.

I heart my friends, but all of them are unmarried and certainly child-less. I needed a forum where I could talk to other moms-to-be and found justmommies today. I joined the August Due Date Club where other moms-to-be are going to be due in August 2007. How exciting is that? I love it! I've found an online community -- yippers skippers. I thought I was totally nutzo constantly worrying about this baby's viability, being scared shitless about a miscarriage, wanting to take a pregnancy test everyday just to be sure I am still preggers -- BUT talking to other moms, I'm starting to feel normal, espeically after hearing similar feelings from other pregnant ladies. Maybe we're all a little hormonal (= NUTZO).

In other baby news, I puked a good 7 times in my office waste basket today. All I can say is god bless the privacy of offices. I'm a quiet puker, so I'm hoping my neighbor didn't hear my vomit-osis. Baby doesn't like soy milk in the morning and baby does not like it when I drink water after lunch.

I'm hungry as HELL today. I chowed down pretty quickly on my tandoori chicken and basmati rice, now it's all gone... *Sigh*

Cool Office-Mates

My co-workers are pretty effing cool -- fun and quirky. My office-neigbor had previously told me that she was going to teach me how to thread my facial hair. I love anything that has to do with removing hair so of course I was siked. Today she came into my office with one piece of thread in her mouth, asked me to take off my glasses and completely took off all unwanted facial hair. This chica even gave me a tutorial on how to thread at home. My face feels baby soft!

Love it.

Feisty Little One

This was probably one of the most miserable weekends of my life. Let me start by saying that all the pain and discomfort I am going through is worth it for the little one growing in my belly. Even though it's surreal that hubby and I have created a life, I am in so in love with this baby. I spent all of Saturday puking my brains out. Everytime I drank water I would puke it up. It got so bad that hubby and I went to the ER around 12:30 AM. The doctor diagnosed me with hyperemesis gravidarum which basically translates to -- hormones in body from baby causes puking one's brains out. I am deathly afraid of needles, yes I know, I best get used to it while being preggers. The nurse stuck me with a needle as I needed an IV... my hand turned so cold and it was utterly uncomfortable. I couldn't even look at the needle.

My Salvation: My best friend and her lovely advice. BF is a clinical nutritionist and she pulled out her notes from a maternity class and suggested that I try ginger tea and real gingerale. The ginger really calms down my tummy along with rice crackers. This baby is having a field day in my belly.

Then the cramps started last night. We of course called doctor sahib and he explained that it was normal to feel cramping in the lower left quadrant as it was indication of my uterus expanding. Baby is snuggling up inside of mamma-bear.

My husband has been an angel. He's taken such good care of me this weekend. Even my MIL and mom have been amazing. Both were willing to fly down as soon as I started the non-stop puking. I feel truly blessed.

I'm going to stay at home today and take it easy and hopefully tomorrow I will feel up to going to work. As much as all of this sucks, I am so excited that my little Benjabi is here (Bengali + Punjabi = Benjabi)

I am Pregnant!

I can't even believe I am typing this. I am so happy that it is oozing out of my pores. I went to a different OBGYN today to get a second opionion about my fertility. Of course they gave me a pregnancy test and it was POSITIVE!!! The doctor thinks I'm 3 weeks along. I can not even express my happiness.

I know that I should wait to tell people b/c the first few months can be risky but I can't hold this information inside of me. I had to share with my family and friends. I can't stop smiling.

Interesting things:
My breasts are huge. I thought I was getting my period
My skin has been crazy amaing, like glowing (I kid you not).

Everyone who knows me, if you get a second, meditate/pray that this baby will be healthy and happy.

MIL & Sex

One of the highlights of the holiday was a conversation hubby and I had with my MIL. The topic of baby came up as she knows that we are currently trying to get preggers…

MIL: Beti, are you, you know taking your temperature?
Me: Uhm, what do you mean?
MIL: Okay, every morning, first thing you must take your temperature EVEN
before you get up.
Me: Okay
MIL After 14 days after your period, your temperature should go high and then…
Me: [Holy Mother, what is this woman going to say to me…]
MIL: You have to you know, conceive the baby right away.
Me: Uhm, okay. Thanks!
MIL: No.This is very important. You and hubby maybe very late for work those
days.
Me: [When is this conversation going to end]
MIL: It’s important that after the conceiving, you must lay to your RIGHT side
and squeeze your legs tightly. The right side is very important!! Don't wait, first thing in the morning, you must conceive.

**All seriousness, MIL is pretty cool to talk about taboo subjects like sex! On top of it, my dad had to bring up my husband’s sperm when the baby came up. My dad doesn’t say sperm, he say spurum.

Happy Thanksgiving

I took the day off from work today b/c I woke up with a fever. Luckily, I feel much better now and have the energy to pack. I can barely wait until hubby gets out of work and we drive up to NoCal to celebrate the holiday with our families.

What I am thankful for (the list is too long, so I'll highlight a few):

• Fate led me to California where I found the love of my life.
• Having the coolest parents in the world.
• Grateful to have a little brother. Not so little anymore, he's 23! I am so happy that we are close.
• Having the kind of friends that I can honestly call family.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! May you and your loved ones have a wonderful holiday.

Dad

My friend’s father passed away and of it completely saddened me. Death put me at a loss for words. I didn’t know what to say or do to be able to comfort my friend. In reality, there is probably nothing I can do except keep his father and him in my heart and prayers.

This in turn led me to start thinking about my own father. My dad has always been spirited and passionate. He’s my hero. My dad’s diabetes led to kidney failure which in turn led to hemo-dialysis.. he got a kidney transplant a year later… then he got cancer… which led to the chemo… which led to I don’t know where.

It was surreal to hear him on the phone last night tell me that he feels sick all the time and everything always hurts. What am I supposed to say to that? I haven’t even started to acknowledge the fact that he may not get better. I can’t deal with that. My husband tells me to prepare myself – what does that mean, I can’t even comprehend that.

I just feel massively guilty. Do I see him enough? Am I there for him enough? Can I be doing more? Whatever I’ve done for him pales in comparison to the way he has always been there for me. How do I feel good about that? What is my role supposed to be right now?

One of my vivid memories about my dad is when I was 10 years old and we were at Riverside Amusement Park in Western Massachusetts. My mom wouldn’t go on any of the rides because she was scared. But my dad and I were a team; we ran to every crazy ride and cried out in sheer delight as the speed of the roller coaster made us lose our breathe and caused our tummies to drop. We ran around eating cotton candy and ice-cream. Now he’s at home, by himself most of the day while my mom works, with little energy to enjoy anything. Thank god medical marijuana is legal in California because it is the only thing that makes him feel good and alleviate the pain (eff anyone who is against medical marijuana).

I don’t want my dad to be sick. I don’t want him to ever die. I want to be able to freeze time because I feel like I’m running out of it.

Lonely Fish in the Pond

I’m not the type of girl to have a lot of friends. I may have a lot of acquaintances, party people, but few good friends. Being the overanalyzing drama queen I am, I must overanalyze this!

Whenever I chill with someone, even if it’s someone I chill with quite often, I generally doubt his or her friend potential. These gals are fun and smart and I do love chilling with them, however in the back of my mind I do think the following:

-did she have a good time?
-will we chill again?
-do I want to chill with her again?

There are 3 possible reasons I may feel this way and as a result have few friends: (1) I am fundamentally insecure; (2) I have created a very high friend bar; or (3) Friendship boils down to chemistry.

(1) I am fundamentally insecure

I know all of us have our own insecurities; but I am happy with who I am and consider myself to be pretty cool. I like me:) Moving on…

(2) High Bar

The few friends I have are friends that I trust 100%. I know these people will always be there for me. I don’t worry that in years to come we will grow apart. I can be on the phone and talk about nothing or chill at my pad and eat snacks and chat or talk sh*t. You know what I mean, the kind of friends you can do anything with anywhere and it’s completely fun.

Perhaps…. I don’t really like people. I subscribe to the “I know who I like and I like who I know” philosophy. You have to be pretty effing cool to be let into my secret circle.

(3) Chemistry

After meeting someone even for the first time or the first few times I get a vibe/energy/signal from them that isn’t tangible. Some people just have that energy that causes me to instantly drop my guard and that’s pretty rare for me. I’d say I’m a pretty stand-offish person, can come off as bitchy or cold. And it’s true: I don’t like lots of people. So I’m either going to get a good vibe and open up to you right away or be cold towards you.

In sum, I think I’m hard to please. At the same time, it’s pretty obvious if I like you and that’s a good thing. I don’t hang out with people I don’t like. But out of the people I do chill with, very few of them are people who I consider to be true friends or have what I call friendship-potential. I’ve only made a few friends down in LA and I like it this way.I’m glad I did the overanalyzing thing, I feel much better. 

The Quintessential Cocktail Dress

Every girl needs a black cocktail dress that fits her body like it’s nobody’s business. I don’t have one. I desperately need one. The hunt has begun.

The holiday party at hubby’s work has inspired the hunt. I know it’s going to be at a swank-ass place in Beverly Hills and cocktail dress is a necessity. Plus, I can rationalize this need – every gal needs that perfect black dress for emergencies i.e. weddings and funerals.

I’ve found some really cute stuff online but I’m just asking for trouble ordering a dress online. The last dress I ordered online had to be tailored and I don’t want to play that game again.

I need a dress that’s really going to fit me and make me look sexy and classy simultaneously without looking frumpy. I don’t have hips and I’m pretty skinny and I do not want to look like I’m swimming in a dress. I usually stick to wearing 2 pieces b/c it’s simply easier to fit my body. Any suggestions before I hit the stores this weekend?

What Makes Me Smile

I spent the entire weekend just with hubby. I nursed his cold. We ran errands, cooked dinner together, simply spent 2 glorious days with each other.

After finishing up dinner on a Sunday night, my husband looks at me and says, "I love you so much... I just always have fun with you." I couldn't ask for more.

My Buddy and Me

When I woke up this morning my darling baby was sick. I had made plans with J Dogg to watch Aerosmith for insanely cheap tonight; however, when hubby is sick duty calls. He had a sore throat and my to-be-mom instincts took over. I made him gargle with a mixture of hot water and salt of course. He refused to drink a warm cup of doodh. But I was able to coax him to take one sucrets and an advil. I really enjoy taking care of my sick hubby. There's a pleasure of stroking his hair while he rests his head on my laps and looks at me with his tired green eyes. It makes me feel all fuzzy inside.

Being sick sucks, but having a buddy there to hold you and love you and take care of you can make being sick quasi-fun. I'm off the store to buy gingerale and vanilla ice cream to make milk shakes for hubby!

New Blogs from Old and Dear Friends

2 blogs I want to highlight:

My friend J Dogg started a blog recently and it's insightful and witty. I've known her since I was 14 -- jeez that's going to be 14 years soon. A sign of getting old I suppose. But I heart her, she's one of my best-friends and I'm glad I have her in SoCal. I'm siked about seeing her tomorrow!!!

Dilly Barr and I have known each other since age 12. She's my girl. The person that if I hadn't eloped would be my maid of honor. Yeah, she's that person to me. If I had a sister I wish it would have been her. She's a smart cookie. Unfortunately her laptop is temporarily broken but she promises me that as soon as it's up and running she'll be blogging again.

Old friends are amazing. The kind of friends who knew you when you were little and have seen you grow up, yet change with you so you never fall out of touch or stop understanding each other. What I love about both of these wonderful ladies is that I never hesitate to be myself with them. There's simply no front and never has to be. I never worry whether in the long run they'll remain my dear friends. I never doubt their sincerity or trustworthiness. I know we have each other's back. Longevity is a sign of a great friendship. Love you both dearly.

Recovering

Good News Bears: I have a 4 day weekend. Thursday is my day off every week and today is a federal holiday (Veteran's Day).

Bad News Bears: Had a raging fever on Wednesday, completely congested, and thought my head was going to explode. Spent all of Thursday sleeping in. Finally am recovering, but pissed b/c I didn't get to enjoy every moment of my 4-day weekend. *Sigh* have mad errands to run. I best get with it.

Nature in LA

 

Even in LA you can get away from the hustle and bustle and take a nice hike in Griffith Park. 

My Love Affair with LA

  

Thursdays

Today is utterly divine. I have the entire day off from work, not just today, but every Thursday. I love sitting here in my apartment, the windows open, sun shining in, hearing the hustle and bustle of the City and having the absolute freedom to do whatever I please.

It was sooo nice to sleep in. I am siked about being able to go to yoga during the middle of the day. I have the time to indulge in myself. After yoga, a nice long shower (if hubby was home a nice long shower with him would be preferred), then I will do my hair, play with makeup and put on a hot outfit and look like a rockstar. Generally, I'm in the office by 7:30 and never have the time to do anything else but throw my hair in a ponytail, brush my teeth and moisturize my face.

I'm simply loving having time for myself. I need to find a job with less then 30 hours a week that I can do from home. Any suggestions?

Getting Knocked Up

Who would ever have thought that getting knocked up could be so difficult with so many horror stories of unwanted pregnancies/accidents?

I’m kinda pissed. From age 12 (when I got my first period), I’ve always been irregular. My period likes to be on vacation and doesn’t visit often. I am always late, sometimes a month or two, for no rhyme or reason. For example, I had my last period on August 30th and have not had it since (and no I’m not preggers). I’ve been going to an OBYGN since age 18 and my doctor has never thought my irregular cycle was a problem EXCEPT for the visit I had 2 weeks ago when I told my OBGYN that hubby and I were trying to get preggers. Once I told her about my irregularity in conjunction with the fact I'm trying to have a baby, she scared the living daylights out of me and stated, "wow, I'm really worried about your fertility you might have some cysts on your ovaries ... we need to run a battery of tests". Oh joy -- lots of poking with needles. The test came back all normal. The OGBYN is still very concerned. Now I’m concerned.

OBGYN and I have been playing phone tag for the past week, but in each message she leaves for me, she tells me that something has to be “done” regarding my irregular cycle. I just don’t like this. I know that I shouldn’t jump the gun and get ultra-paranoid but it’s hard to not worry about this issue. I just want to be able to have a healthy baby.

Is it so hard to ask that my husband be able to knock me up? Well I’ll certainly do my part every night in trying to get knocked up.. on that note – Ciao hubby’s home!

Drugstore Dior

Wow. I am in shock and can't believe what I'm going to write next. I have been having bloggin'-writer's block and of course my favorite topic (well second favorite after sex), makeup, brought back my writing inspiration.

Tom, one of my brother's friends, came with my brother for an impromptu visit. This boy is 23 years old and well looks like a hippy; however, his hair is perfect. He has gorgeous curly ringlets. I asked him what the secret to his curly bliss was and he replied, the "shower and shake" method. Well I put away my expensive Bumble & Bumble hair products and tried the shower and shake. I took a shower and used my ordinary shampoo and conditioner. I squeezed my damp hair in the shower. I went in front of the bathroom, flipped my hair upside down, violently shook my hair and that was it. I'm not kidding. My hair is now dry and it looks good. Sure there's a tiny bit of frizz but overall I'm impressed – really impressed. No product, no blow dryer with diffuser, no slaving over my hair and I got a good hair day.

With the good hair day sans spending mad money, I decided to walk over to Rite Aid during lunch and buy drug store mascara. I never thought I would ever buy drug store mascara – I'm sorry I'm a mascara snob. I love va va voom lashes – lashes that look fake -- and use either DiorShow of Super Nova by Fresh for $25 a tube. I purchased Revlon's Fabulash Mascara for $6.99 b/c it came with my choice of free eye shadow (hard for a makeup junkie like me to pass up). I of course saved the receipt b/c I had no doubt this mascara would suck. I went into my office and applied two coats and I'm in shock. Shock I tell ya. My eyelashes look fab. Literally fab. I kid you not. Sure my lashes could be a wee bit more voluminous (I'll try 3 coats tomorrow) but I'm kinda in love. My lashes are extremely long, curled sans the eyelash curler and pretty damn thick. For $6.99 I'm siked.

So this is the beginning of a new way of thinking for me. I can purchase drugstore mascara for under $10 and get pretty fabulous lashes. Don't get me wrong, I will always have on stock my Fresh or DiorShow for parties and such but for everyday wear I may be switching to drug store mascara. I feel guilty even preaching this blasphemy. But this will start a new chapter on this blog – the drug store makeup review.

High Profile Job

Hmmm... yeah, scratch what I said in my last post. Hubby came home at 2 AM last night and had to be in the office by 6:30 AM this morning for a meeting with the client on the East Coast. It's past midnight and hubby is still at work, going 17 hours straight at this point with 4 hours of sleep the night before.

I on the other hand did my 8 hrs of government work. Came home, cooked some saag paneer for Iftar tomorrow and headed off to Santa Monica to meet a friend for dinner at Real Food Daily and of course the Thursday night line up at ABC. While hubby is at working contemplating some merger and acquisition, I'm contemplating what to do with my free time, go to bed, read the book for my book club or perhaps straighten my hair. Oh the options that exist with oodles of free time.

Compressed Schedule

So my agency is allowing us to have a compressed schedule. I’m thinking about doing 10 hours in 4 days. I work late almost daily so what the heck, getting a day off per week can’t be a bad deal, right? It would be so effin' sweet if I get a 3 day weekend every weekend.

I joined the Union at my agency – they are the ones who spearheaded the right for employees to have more of a say in their schedules. Is this the first step in tele-work or am I dreaming? Tele-work would rock my world – it’s such a great option for parents.

Speaking of babies…. *Sigh* – it’s 10:30 PM on a Friday night and husband is a slave to his job. Baby if you’re reading this – get your arse home – mamma needs some baby batter lovin’ – how else we gonna make this baby?

Inspiration

I went to this fantastic event for work yesterday, the Governor and First Lady’s Conference on Women, and it was inspiring. Today, while I was at training, a friend/co-worker and I talked about the feminist movement, sisterhood and solidarity. Granted, all of this “discussion” happened by scribbling notes and passing them to one another in class speckled with moments of junior high school silliness.

As a woman, thinking about what is important to me are the following:

• Stay connected with my husband daily so that I never wake up and feel that my best-friend has become a stranger.
• Impart on my children the values of hard work, authenticity, charity, dignity, respect and motivation to create change for the better in this world.
• Deepen my relationship with my loved ones.
• Physically and spiritually nourish myself so that I am constantly growing and never find myself stagnating.

What saddens me of late is having conversations with women who tell me that after having children they have had to give up something that is important in their lives while trying to balance work and family. I’m not talking about the frivolous such as going out clubbing less; I’m talking about losing connection with themselves or with a loved one. One too many times do I hear, “I’m so busy and tired that I really just don’t get to see my husband. It’s what happens.” What is this “it” and why does it have to happen?

Well, I am unwilling to give up that which is important in my life. I have ascertained that there are 2 ways that I can balance work and family:

• Simply walk away from my career for the moment. When my children start school, I can look for meaningful employment and not worry about how difficult it will be to re-enter the workplace.
• Be a vehicle of change in my workplace so that I can have flex-options such as telework.

It is incredibly sad that there aren’t many flex-options in the workplace. And when the options do exist, there generally seems to be a lot of stigma against those who utilize the flex-options, especially in the arena of upward mobility. Even men face this stigma; they are considered not “manly” enough when they exercise available options such as paternity leave. While it is easy for me to walk away from my career and be blasé b/c essentially my husband makes enough money for us to be financially well off, many women cannot exercise that choice. To me, it is selfish to stop here and forget my sisters.

The entire point of the feminist movement was for women to band together in solidarity and sisterhood. The part of Ann Quindlen’s speech that resonated with me from her talk yesterday was the following: the movement was not only for women to have equality but to put the female ethos on a male patriarchy. She went on to elaborate that while today there are many women in fields that once were never possible, we are still working under a system that may not be right for many of us in balancing our roles as mothers, partners, daughters, sisters and professional career women. There is so much in the political and social arena that needs tweaking and we women should band together in solidarity and be a force for change.

To me, nourishing my family and self while intellectually being stimulated and making positive change in the world through my work are pivotal. I suspect that many people, both men and women desire the same. There are more women who either have children or desire to have them in the near future in my office than not. We all agree that flex-options are necessary in our lives and not one of us has done a damn thing about it. What happened to the movement that so many women started for us in the yesteryears? It’s an injustice for me to take it all for granted and sit stone silent and do nothing to make change except throw my hands in the air and write a few blog posts because I can simply relish in my privilege of choice.

So, quoting my husband from one of his articles, I am left with more questions than answers. However, I recognize now more fully then before, that I can be a sweeping fire of change by rekindling the feminist movement within.

Mother-Daughter Relationship

Why are mothers judgmental and daughters defensive? Is it a matter of perception?

Tonight I was driving home from Santa Monica around 11 PM and decided to call my mom for a chat. Here’s an excerpt of the conversation.

Me: Hi, mom, what are you up to?
Mom: What’s wrong?
Me: [getting defensive] nothing!
Mom: You really should not be eating spinach this week.
Me: Mom, I know.
Mom: Where’s Hubby?
Me: He’s still at work.
Mom: Is he eating?
Me: Yes, I packed him lunch. The job paid for dinner
Mom: Did you eat?
Me: Yes, I had salad for lunch.
Mom: I told you no spinach.
Me: [defensive again] Mom it wasn’t spinach.
Mom: Why don’t you go to bed? Don’t you have work in the morning?
Me: [getting frustrated] Mom, it’s 11 PM, I’m driving home!
Mom: Where are you?
Me: Driving past Century City coming from Santa Monica.
Mom: Why are you out in Santa Monica so late?
Me: [extremely annoyed] I was hanging out with friends.
Mom: I guess that’s okay. Did you eat dinner with them?

This conversation would have been completely different with my dad. I would have told him I ate kettle corn for dinner and watched Grease on the big screen in Santa Monica. I told my mom nothing about my evening.

Diorshow Lip Gloss

I'm so glad one of my good friends is in the cosmetic industry and tells me the latest "must haves." This lipgloss in Carla Corail 335 is a must have. It's amazing -- I couldn't stop staring at my lips. The coral color is great for us brownies because it works like a charm on warm skin tones. The lipgloss is fully of sparkles. I promise you, this lipgloss will makes you feel like a diva. I'm in love. At $26 a pop it's pricy but I promise you well worth it.

P.S. The lipgloss looks fantastic over Bare Escentual's Cognac lipstick.

Review: The Beauty Bar

My hood is full of uber fun places to go out. Saturday night we went out to the Beauty Bar located on the intersection of Hollywood and Cahuenga. It’s so freaking cute. The club is decorated reminding one of the beauty school dropout scene in Grease. The walls are painted a glittery pink. The seats are old-fashioned hair dryer chairs. Vintage hair dryers and old-school beauty products decorate the glittery pink walls. Apparently during happy hours there is a martini and manicure special! The crowd was hipster and the music was an eclectic blend of music with a beat to dance too.

I absolutely loved this bar (sans the drinking of course). Even with no drinking the bar was a great place to party. The hipsters got all crazy groovy with their dance moves which made me feel liberated enough to pull out some of my own crazy-shizzle.

Definitely am going back the Beauty Bar – just a fashionable place to get your groove on.

Surreal

I’ve been thinking about having a baby for quite some time now. Hubby and I have overanalyzed the issue to death. While I feel financially and emotionally ready for a child, the idea still terrified me. Many nights during love making hubby would pose the questions, “protection or not?” – fear would strike my heart and I of course would scream, “YES protection.”

Lately things have been changing. My desire to become a mother has been growing and came to a head last night. Last night the question of using protection came up and I just knew the answer to that question was a definitive no. I was ready and willing to accept all the changes that come with having a child. I felt at ease with that decision, serenity overcame me as we made love. This morning I woke up ecstatic at the prospect that I maybe a mother soon. I was soo ecstatic that I woke up at 4 AM and tried to wake up my husband to share my enthusiasm. When I left the apartment this morning my husband kissed me goodbye and said, “Bye honey, I love you. Bye baby, I love you.” We’re just ready. It feels so good.

Of course I’ve been preparing for this moment to occur – the moment where I’d finally be ready. I’ve been taking my vitamins (getting my 400mg of Folate), eating well, reducing caffeine to 1 cup of green tea a day.. hell I even scheduled an appointment with my OBGYN for a pre-pregnancy consultation. Today I’m going to head off to Target to pick up some more calcium supplements. Yes, I a planner and creating a child is the most important decision of my life.

It’s surreal how I am at complete peace with this decision, euphoric really. All the concerns I had about balancing work and family and social life have all faded away. I am willing to take all necessary steps to create a person who is good hearted free thinker who is willing to make change in this world. I embrace the opportunity to be a mother. I have the peace of mind to know that all the worries I had about being a mom will work themselves out.

So we’re not technically “trying” to have a baby. We’re just prepared to have one. We will continue to make love unprotected and take pregnancy tests every month and let nature run its course.

2 very crazy experiences happened to me today regarding becoming a mother:
(1) I had lunch with a friend today and this what my fortune cookie said: Something special is coming your way.
(2) After lunch went to go see the Dalai Lama which of course was mind-blowing. He said something that resonated with me: (pardon me while I try to paraphrase his Holiness) Compassion is something my mother taught me. It has stayed with me my entire life, even now at my old age. It is not something I learned from my guru or my lama, my mother was my guru.

I am just so completely happy.

The Roots

I saw The Roots last night at the Roxy in West Hollywod last night for free. It was such an intimate gathering. We were right in the front row -- seriously crazy. I wish I had taken my digital camera (I didn't realize they were allowed) -- big time bummers. More importantly I was there with hubby and my best friend.

I have absolutely loved this week. I have been on va-k and will be on va-k until Monday. Every morning is glorious! I don't have to run out of bed to the office. Being at home with hubby, spending the day with family and friends is a happiness that has no words. All the worries I bring up on this blog -- whether it be professional or personal, they all fade away when I'm surrounded by this much love.

I guess that's the bottom line for me. My passion really is the people that I love. Surrounded by such authentic meaningful relationships makes me whole.

Bye Bye Road Trip

We made it back in good time from our road trip. I took as many pics as my little heart desired. There's so many memories that were created over the past few days and it felt good to create them with my husband and my parents.

There's a lot that I could talk about, the awe-inspiring beauty of the Grand Canyon or late night inebriated adventures in Vegas with my folks, but none of that is as important as my Bare Escentuals foundation. Do you understand how hot it is in Arizona? I was sweating like it was going out of style under the hot Arizona sun. However, reviewing the pics taken on my Sony Cybershot, no one would be the wiser. (Not to sound like a pompous b*tch): I look amazing in every pic. I kid you not. My skin is glowinging and perfect.

I got my period this weekend and my skin was breaking out. Everytime I put Bare Escentuals on it clears up my skin (which of course happened this weekend). I can sleep in this stuff, which I do often b/c I am adittedly lazy, and my skin is just better when I wake up. The foundation just will not melt off my face in the hottest climate. My skin looks perfect all day. My mom who hates foundation, kept touching my faced, awed at the fact that my skin felt soft and mareveled at every pic of me due to the skin perfecting power of Bare Escentuals.

I can't praise this stuff enough. Long live Bare Escentuals!!!

**If hubby wasn't afraid that some murderous lunatic would find us -- I would totally post pics from the trip!!! 

Road Trip

P is flying in tomorrow, yippee!!! We're off on a road trip to Vegas & Grand Canyon. I can hardly wait. Will try to post some pics.

The Hills Stink

The b-day party was so good. I am soooo wasted. The best part of it all is that my dad, my husband and I are all wasted together. My mom got so wasted that she passed out.

Yes, these are folks from Bangladesh. I love my parents. My mom partied with me b/c it was my b-day.

The food was orgasmic: beef vindaloo, chicken curry, basmati rice, chana masala, dahl, bindi masala, rashmali, burfi, cake, mango lassi... ORGASMIC.

How did my parents convert my simple apartment to party central? These people are unreal.

The only problem was my location. Many friends and I do mean many got so horrifically lost. A good handful had to leave b/c they couldn't find parking. I live in a parking only with permit zone and kinda never knew it. Hubby and I park in our garage and didn't realize what hell our parking situation really is. I feel horrible.

I need a house. I nice beautiful house where I have a proper formal dining room. A house where I have my own parking spots to accomadate guests. Hubby, are you listening to this? Next b-day I'd like a house in one of the other hills i.e. Beverly Hills.

Alternative-Desi Men: Analysis from this “Suitable Girl”

The weekend with the in-law was fabulous. Of course conversation (much of the time) turned to my bro-in-law, Dr. Sahib, and of course finding him a suitable girl as he is a 4th year medical student, thus crème of the crop in the Indian community.

I’d consider Dr. Sahib and hubby to be alternative-desi men. Both are socially liberal and quite politically engaged, as both would choose The Economist as their magazine of choice. These are BaY Area boys, raised in the Bay Area, and of course spear headed their local Socialist chapter in high school.

One of the many perks of finding an alternative-desi man is that while they are essentially “SF” at heart (feminists) they also make terrific husbands. This is where the desi part kicks in, hardworking men who desire to financially provide for their families, while of course letting their respective wives make their own decision regarding the work-family balance and fully supporting that choice.

So yes ladies, an alternative-desi man, is something to covet. In conversation with hubby and Dr. Sahib, we brain-stormed a host of factors that we believe alternative-desi men (such as Dr. Sahib) use when looking for their suitable girl (not in order of preference):

1. Desi Girl (religion generally no issue)
2. Reasonably attractive (pretty is always better)
3. Open-minded
4. Politically engaged
5. Assertive while not dominant
6. Educated, minimum requirement a B.S. or B.A.
7. Career oriented yet family oriented
8. Quirky – normalcy is so over-rated
9. Relatively sexually un-promiscuous (uhm, we are talking about desi men here)
10. Intelligent – free thinkers

Any interested parties for Dr. Sahib? Just kidding, mostly.

San Diego

Had a wonderful time in San Diego. Aren't hubby's feet adorable? 

Meal Starters

I really do think that it's so much easier to make meals nowadays. We have so many options for meal starters. We don't necessarily have to slave over the stove to come up with something healthy and tasty with a home-made flair.

My salvation has been Trader Joe's. I love that store – LOVE it. I try to pick up something different each time I shop at TJ. This weekend I picked up a Marsala sauce. Sauces out of the bottle aren't usually up to par for my food-indulging standards; however, it's easy to jazz up a meal starter and make it taste kick ass.

-Chopped ¾ of an onion and sautéed in olive oil.

-When the onions started browning, I added tons of roughly chopped garlic

-When everything started to smell good, I added cubes pieces of chicken breast (good tip: whenever I buy meat, I cut it up and place it in small freezer bags so it's easily accessible to defrost later)

-After the chicken browned I added fresh cremini mushrooms (love them)

-When mushrooms started getting dark in color and I could smell the flavor I dumped in the Trader Joe's Marsala Sauce.

-While everything was getting bubbly on the stove I added in fresh red peppers, black pepper, dash of salt and lots of sugar (TJ's marsala sauce was not sweet and marsala sauce in my book has to be sweet)

Cooked up gluten free tinkyada pasta and voila dinner was made. It got rave reviews from hubby and Kimmers.

San Diego

Left La La land for the remainder of the week and I'm currently in San Diego for business (hubby is here with me which makes it even better). I've thought about calling my office to check my voice mail several times today -- what's happening to me? Pics soon to follow.....

Dermatologist

So I left work at noon which was awesome. I took off the afternoon b/c I had a doctor’s appointment with my dermatologist. I have 2 skin problems: dry scaly nastiness on parts of my legs from eczema and dry scaly skin on my scalp.

Eczema

MD: Apply a mixture of ½ Aquaphor and ½ Cera Ve Cream 1-2 times per day to hydrate skin.

Translation: When I jump out of the shower I need to quickly with haste mix equal parts of petroleum jelly and good ass lotion and lube up.

Seborrheic Dermatitis

MD: Apply Triamcholene ointment on scalp overnight and rinse with Sebulex shampoo.

Translation: Douse head in mineral oil overnight until oil is dripping and shampoo with a medicated shampoo.

Treatment

MD: There is no treatment, however we can help keep this nuisance under control.

Translation: Thank you for paying me for NOTHING.

WOW – I’m really glad I went to my dermatologist.

Reggae @ the Bowl

Jammin' to the music -- one fantastic night. One love.

Drunken Walk of Shame

It’s 2 PM in Southern California and I just woke up. I don’t really remember many parts of last night. So I don’t have much to blog about. No worries – hubby was by my side all evening so I was safe.

I get home, being that inebriated I thought we were on a roller coaster ride, driving back home on the 405 and the 110. I’m sure hubby didn’t appreciate my crazy screams thinking we were careening off the road. When I got home I realized that I had lost my cell phone. Of course I was too inebriated to care.

This morning I woke up in PANIC. Where the hell is my cell phone? Hubby helped go through the night to re-trace my steps. I have finally found out the cell’s location and hopefully will retrieve it tomorrow.

Tonight the adventures continue for this pedestrian chick. We’re heading off to the Hollywood Bowl for a reggae concert (Bob Marley: Roots, Rock, Reggae Festival 2006 with Ziggy & Stephen Marley). I should have taken off Monday from work. Waking up tomorrow is going to be a b*tch b/c the pre-party and post-party are at my shin-dig.

Peace out!

The Notebook

Yes I watched this "sappy love story" with hubby. Yes I found it utterly heart warming. Yes, I'm an emotional basket case.

I loved this line:

"I am no one special. Just a common man with common thoughts. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who ever lived. I've loved another with all my heart and soul and for me that has always been enough."

By the end of the movie I completely and totally lost it. Tears were flying out of my eyes. After the movie ended I buried my head into hubby's chest and had myself a good cry. I looked up and was overpowered by the fact that hubby too had lost it and had tears streaming down his cheeks and held me as tightly as he could. What he told me was so simple but it broke my heart, "I never knew what happiness was until I met you."

It's moments like those that I realize that all the questions I have about life, work, family, passions … means nothing. I have everything I ever wanted when I am in his arms.

Shopping Inquisition

So during lunch we headed down to Ross. Ya know how Ross is, it’s a hit or miss. Today was a total hit. I’ve been looking for a cute, yet trendy, yet business like purse. I found it. I love it. Super professional yet super pink. I also picked up some adorable tops, the polka dot one being very cute. The damage: 6 items a whopping $55.

Then came the Shopping Inquisition when I came home. Dialogue between hubby and me:

Hubby: So what did you buy?
ME: (super excited voice) 2 purses and 2 adorable tops and white Capri pants.
Hubby: So… do you need all the clothes? B/c I looked in your closet which is stuffed to the max with clothes and the dresser is overflowing with your clothes.
ME: Well what’s necessity?
Hubby: Let’s adopt a legal standard of necessity, do you need these items of clothing to obtain the wardrobe of a reasonably stylish woman in Los Angeles?
Me: Well..
Hubby: Wait wait, reasonably does not mean excessively.
Me: Well my co-workers has like 100 shoes.
Hubby: You haven’t answered the question.
Me: What really is necessity? I WANT clothes. I WANT. I WANT. I WANT. Stop being Uncle Scrooge.

I then proceeded to undress and try on my different outfits, prancing around our living room. Hubby stopped complaining.

Super Freak

I am a super freak. I am an emotional crazy women. Poor hubby, I go home and of course in my super excited voice go on and on and bitch and moan about work. He listens to me patiently with calm eyes and a sensitive smile. This is probably why he *secretly* wants me to quit work and just play all the time, so he doesn't have to hear me go off aboutw ork.

My favorite work buddy, Kimmers, straight up talked to our supervisor. Kimmers told supervisor that it just ain't cool to have a work meeting on the weekend. Guess what happened?It's agreed that there will be no meeting -- just chillness. Oh Kimmers you rock out!!! Further, I get to go down to La Jolla for training for the greater part of next week!!!! Supervisor picked ME. I think I'm her favorite. I am a quasi-brown-noser at work!

I am definitely not getting rid of this blog -- it's a forum for me to let all my craziness out. All the shit talk about my job I never say to anyone EVER in my office. I get to express all of that craziness here on my blog!

Thank you cyber-world. Much love from this emotinal whore.

Cancel My Blog?

I’ve been thinking that I may want to discontinue this blog. What I’m sure about is that I’m totally unsure on what to do.

Reasons I love blogging:

*I love to write. I find it very cathartic. It’s a forum to release angst, love, anxiety, confusion … essentially to express any emotion.

*Building community -- especially in such a transient world where it seems like no one stays in their hometown.

*Motivation. Yes, I could have a diary. Yes, I could just type on Word and save it. But I love writing on an online forum, it motivates me to write; perhaps it is because I see my thoughts “published.”

*Staying in touch with dear friends in the East Coast versus sending mass emails.

Reasons I’m starting to dislike blogging:

There’s only one reason, fear. Someone could find me in the real world. Someone who is a potential psychopath. I’ve been getting nasty comments from a very creepy dude. He has made ad hominem attacks. I don’t know him. I’m assuming I remind him of an ex or he is just a loser looking to spew hate. Living in la la land this dude could potentially show up at my door and shoot me.

I don’t post from work so I don’t really care about getting fired. If the gov’t wants to suppress free speech on my time, I’ll take those b*tches down.

But creepy dudes scare me.

Sony Cyber-shot DSC-T30

We just bought this adorable digital camera. I won't go into all the techie details, hubby and I researched and fell in love with this camera. After all the i-net research, the real research was taking pics of each other and comparing the quality.

Bottom line: shoot and point camera, mad user friendly, tiny (fits in my pocket), awesome quality pics.... love it.

It's expensive though, the camera is Sony's newest top of the line camera and costs $499 and then we had to buy memory and of course a 2 year warranty (including accident insurance), end result: $722.

I'm a thrifty girl and I think it's well worth the money even Mr. Scrooge hubby agrees with me. Pics are priceless and we have so few in our 1st 2 years of marriage. Plus, this camera is going to last us a minimum of 5 years b/c it simply provides everything I want a camera to provide. LOVE IT!!!!!!!!

Lunch with Cool Moms

I met West Coast Mommy (WCM) for lunch at Cheesecake Factory. I also go to meet her friend S. They were both cool chicks.

Leaving lunch my head is full and I’m still trying to digest our conversation. Lunch was great; conversation was free flowing and most importantly authentic. WCM & S are in their early 30’s – both seemed very comfortable with themselves, their lives and with their identity. In comparison, I felt like a younger-sister, full of questions, questions & questions.

We talked about single-hood to motherhood with of course things in between. I don’t have many friends who are moms. Hell, I’m the first of my friends to be married. But these women were so comfortable with motherhood. It was calming and yet unnerving. One thing that was said struck me, “I don’t feel like I’m giving anything up in terms of going out or my social life [paraphrasing].” How do I feel about that? I don’t know. A good part of my identity is being very social – not getting crunked every night – but going to local music venues, cafes, festivals, ya da ya da ya da. Am I willing to give up the freedom to pursue my interests, my agenda and not care about being selfish? Does being a mother means I have to lose part of my identity, or in some sense, stop the self-discovery process?

Maybe I don’t, maybe it’s just a delicate balance where I define my own comfort zone. I’m also a thinker, healer, writer, planner, confused, and self-absorbed among other things… and part of the problem is over-analyzing this issue to death. I don’t believe all the planning/over-analyzing/late-night conversations will prepare me for motherhood.

So, do I know if I’m ready to be a mom? I don’t really know what that means. But I am ready & willing to adjust/alter my life to achieve balance between family life and other elements of my life that define me.

Ring, Ring, Ring

My cell was going off the hook this morning. It was ringing, it was vibrating, it was flashing – just going mad crazy. The cell phone mayhem forced me to roll out of bed around noon. I beg hubby to go look at our respective cells to see who’s lighting it up and of course it was a compilation of Rye and P (my bestest friend living in NYC).

The crazy text message and voicemails made me smile. I met P in the 7th grade. We lived a few blocks from each other. I would ride my bike to her house growing up. We went to high school and college together. She can tell if I’m happy or sad from the sound of my voice. *Sigh* Why is she in NYC? We met Rye junior year of high school. He was in my AP Chemistry class. Mid-way through the semester, he looks at me and says, “Uhm, like you can be really pretty, but girl you need new clothes, new hair cut, contacts and yeah makeup.” That’s when I transformed into a fasion-ista. *Sigh* Why is he in CT?

I call P and she doesn’t answer. I proceed to tm (text message). I then repeatedly call her until she answers. Hubby looks at me laughing, “you guys are nut cases, you guys call each other like it’s an emergency, until one of you answers...and it’s never a real emergency, it’s a problem with a boyfriend or picking out a skirt.” I look at him and giggle and P picks up the phone and I burst out laughing.

Couple-dom

The City can be so lonely. Surrounded by people, so many of whom are trying to make a connection. Hoping to feel in sync with someone’s groove, their spirit. Straining ears to hear conversations above chitter-chatter. Looking at new faces searching for familiarity, commonality. Hoping something in the conversation clicks, transforming it into an effortless dance of language.

Then there’s that someone constantly by my side. It feels unfamiliar to walk without extending my right arm slightly back with open extended fingers…he’s always there waiting. He stands behind me while I sway to music, places his hands around my waist, cocooning my womb. His hands are filled with warmth, touching the one area of my body where the squishiness hides and melting away all of my insecurities. He whispers in my ear and makes me laugh out loud. He kisses the back of my neck and makes me melt. He’s catches my eye and smiles, reassuring me that the City isn’t so lonely.

Best part of the night: Curled up in a corner bench, my legs extended and sprawled over his. My body pressed up against his side and my head gently leaning on his shoulders. His arm draped across my shoulders. A man comes up to us and says, “I would love to be in a club with my wife, sitting in a bench with her, with her legs sprawled over mine. You’re very lucky. I don't have a wife.” We look at each other and smile, fully understanding the happiness of finding our partner.

Fluffy Hair Friday

*Sigh* I miss my hairdresser in SF, Theresa @ Cinta. I got my first haircut in LA yesterday. I have curly black hair. The cut looks good – I think. The problem is the hairdresser styled my hair so it is very fluffy. Why fluffy? Who likes fluffy. I looked in the mirror this morning and hoped the fluffiness would have gone down but was shocked to see it really had not. I don't know how I feel.

So to work I wore this silk brown polka dot dress with of course a white cardigan (this is work!!) I am going to a happy hour in WestHo after work and I think the dress will suffice. But later on that night, I'm going to the Gig for GulabJam Music Festival. I just don't think a silk dress with pearls is gonna cut it. I gotta home and get changed and wear something a bit more edgy.

Any advice on finding a good hairdresser in LA? I paid $100 for cut only in SF. I'd like to cap it at $150. Talk to me people, I need help.

I can just tell, today has started off bad! How could any day start off good with fluffy hair?? I' m not trying to rock the 80's back.

***WCM didn’t get your email girl!

Sweetness I must Share

This week has been a crrrrazy at work. I’ve been working late. On top of that someone from our national office has come for additional training purposes. So it basically stinks.

I come back to my office after extensive training and my head dizzy from learning about various laws and I notice sitting on my file cabinet a vase full of gorgeous flowers (roses and wildflowers). The entire room smells beautifully fragrant. I know it has to be hubby but how did he get into my office? You need a security card to get inside! I was stumped. I read the card, which is full of sweetness…..

I get the scoop later from hubby. Hubby goes up the elevator to my floor. He sees co-worker J. J recognizes hubby. Hubby asks her if she would mind putting the bouquet on my desk. J, smitten by hubby’s sweetness, gladly fills up my vase with water and replaces my old flowers with new gorgeous ones!!!!

Friday—Happy Hour: “Blogger Hour”

Wanna meet up for drinks in West Hollywood? A bunch of us are getting together and I’d love to meet some of you blogger lovelies. I read your blogs, you read mind, you guys seem mad cool -- so come get a drinkie! Shoot me an email and I’ll send you details. Fridays and martinis – is there anything better?

Warning to potential creep-os: If you’re looking to meet me and my hot friends including my hot blogger friends (b/c I know all of you must be hot b/c you’re ultra cool) – you ain’t invited. If you’re sketchy or I don’t “know” you from the cyber world – don’t plan on getting any info back from me. I will simply DELETE your email. I gotta protect my peeps.

Some Free Events in LA

Yes, I’m still awake and I understand it’s almost 3:30 AM. Stupid volunteering. Granted, I love the film festival, but damnit it’s serious work.

Anyhow, during my procrastination, I decided to look up cool things to do in LA that are free….here’s a few that I found.

Movies @ Santa Monica Pier every Tuesday in August and September

Music @ Santa Monica Pier July and August every Thursday in August.

Summer @ the Hammer Museum in Westwood
(awesome art and music, saw Indie rock concert last week)

Art & Music @ Getty Center –Summer
(awesome music with kick ass views and art of course)

Hollywood Farmer’s Market every Sunday @ Ivar Avenue and Selma Avenue
Food, arts & crafts, veggies, produce, ya name it!

Venice Abbot Kinney Festival
Sunday, Sept. 24th
Don’t know much, but the website says, “2 stages of live music, dancers and performance artists, a spectacular children's court, 3 food areas, a Spirit Garden, Art Pavilion and over 300 vendors featuring original, handcrafted goods”

Halloween Carnival, West Hollywood, October 31st @ Santa Monica Blvd.
Dress up in costumes!!!

Okay, so back to the grind of work, eff me!!

Annoying Ass People: One of Many in LA

So tonight we went over a friend’s for poker night. We’re friends with the couple, they’re a bit straight-edge but seemed cool enough. Another couple we’ve never met showed up and they were so effing annoying. Mr. Obnox (short for obnoxious) starts by asking, “What do you all do?” I tried to steer away from that conversation by asking how him and his fiancé met; but that wasn’t happening. Next question, “Where do you live?”

I see the game – Mr. Obnox is trying to sum us up. Okay, my good friends know this (AK, P) you’ve seen me do this shit: I don’t play nice if I don’t like you. I can be a complete bitch, bitchy as they come. For business or whatever I’ll put on the show, but for people I don’t know, I have no problem being a bitch if you’re effing annoying. Since this entire night was going towards prove your wealth, I played the yuppy conservative New Englander game. Hubby caught on quickly enough (though I suspect he was annoyed very early on) and he played Mr. Republican Capitalist Money Making Ho Bag.

We were supposed to be playing poker, and it became playing poker about our potential worth. I think Hubby and I wiped the table with our Royal Flush. The real poker game got down to hubby and Mr. Obnox. It’s effing midnight at this point. I want to go home. Mr. Obnox refuses to, he states, “I don’t care about the money, I just want to win.” This is hubby’s first time playing and he’s caught on and hubby just wants the money, he doesn’t give a shit about winning.

I finally turn on the bitch level to a higher degree. I just think it’s rude, hubby has asked the guy to call it a tie and Mr. Obnox refuses. This is NOT his house, it’s effing midnight. I finally say, “This is just so obnoxious of you.” Finally Mr. Obnox caves, he knows I wasn’t playing.

I am so happy to be home!!! Poker game in recap: all about the benjamins. We came out $5 ahead – it wasn’t worth it, to be around such dry asses (although hubby thinks so b/c he actually is a Money Ho).

Highlight of the night: Mr. Obnox makes a horrible joke. I don’t laugh. He comments: “What not even a smirk?” I state: “Sorry, wasn’t funny.”
Peace Out.

Desi-discrimination?

I have like maybe one desi acquaintancee (she’s in my book club). Seriously. I have a very diverse array of friends but not many desis in real life (I heart my desi blogger friends).

Okay so hubby is Punjabi but I never wanted to marry an Indian EVER, to my parents chagrin. The reason being is I grew up in CT and all the desis were Fobby as hell. Not my people in any way shape or form. The others I ran into that weren’t quite as Fobby were not much of independent thinkers (not liberal, ultra conservative, kinda like oh my god is that Indian girl dating an non-Indian), once again not my people. Growing up in CT from the age 0 to 24 I never made a single desi friend.

So move out to Cali, marry a desi yet still no desi friends (Hubby I thought you would have hooked it up). I don’t work with any desis. There are no desis in my circle of friends, besides the one gal from my bookclub which I haven’t hung out with. At this point, being in Cali, I have seen that there are many cool, non-Fobby desis. So I am willing to make friends with them. The opportunity just hasn’t really presented itself.

So I’m not desi-discriminating, I’m desi-open. Where are you people?

Good Friends -- FUN FUN FUN

I swear to you I have never had as much fun as I am having in LA. I have seriously met FAB people. I'll admit, I feel very cool and hip (yes I am a dork) getting invited for interesting outings. What I love about my friends in LA, while they're all uber intelligent, educated and professional -- they are just effing fun. Getting emails that say, wanna get together and play games tonight, eat good food and drink a little vino is my kind of fun (that’s my game plan for tonight). Small intimate gathering, snacks, a drinkie and having a good time with friends – what’s better? Love it. I HEART LA.

Also, looking at the post below I have to give a shout out to my friend AK who was instrumental in helping shape me into the best me that I could become. The Universe loves me, what else explains having been sent an amazing friend like AK? If you're reading this, miss you, hope to see you in Cali sooner rather than later.

On a side note, while I'm on the topic of friends. I feel like that's a good way to judge people -- see who they are surrounded with -- who their good friends are. In sum, I think I have to be a fantastic person only b/c my friends are the most unbelievably amazing people out there: intelligent, articulate, compassionate, funny, quirky, interesting... simply people with amazing souls.

Reflections: The Marriage Type?

I’ll have been married for almost 2 years on 9/8/2006. And it’s shocking (in a very good way of course). Last night hubby and I watched a movie and the hubby in the movie was killed and wife was very distraught. After watching the movie I was very emotional. I looked at my hubby and thought, “my God I adore this man, I don’t even know what life was like before him.” Of course I got a little teary eyed b/c I can cry over anything!

It shocks me that someone in this world is so important to me that if something happened to hubby it would turn my life upside down. I simply can’t imagine it. I wouldn’t know what to do. How did I get here?

A quick trip down memory lane…. I have always been surrounded by good friends, I mean amazing friends. The kind you can hang with all day and spill your guts too. There was a period of time where I was anti-love, anti-marriage, and wholly pro-single. Looking back, were my friends really that surprised when I was one of the first if not the first to get married? I don’t think so. I’ve always coveted close, nourishing relationships. I was, or strived to be quirkyalone.

Quirkyalones are people who resist the tyranny of coupledom. Oddly enough, we quirkyalones also tend to be romantics. We resist the tyranny of coupledom because we would prefer to be open to the possibilities that life has to offer than be in an unsatisfying relationship. That is, to date for the sake of dating, or be in a relationship for the sake of being part of a couple.

Quirkyalone is not anti-love. It is pro-love. It is not anti-dating. It is anti-compulsory dating. It's an embrace of all kinds of love. Although we quirkyalones enjoy solitude, and sometimes even need and crave it, we are NOT loners. We typically have a strong network of friends. Most of us place a high premium on friendship. We've even been known to bring our friends on dates!

This isn’t to say I didn’t enjoy being single. I loved being with my friends and celebrating our single-dom. If this makes any sense, being single wasn’t worse for me but being married is better.

While I do believe that I essentially am the marriage-type, I don’t consider myself the settling-type. I didn’t settle. I waited until I figured myself out. I wanted to be with someone who’s love made me a better person, someone who inspired me, someone that makes me better than I think I can be. And hubby is all that and so much more. I kid you not when I say, I can’t imagine a better man. He is my Attorney McDreamy. In sum, I got lucky in finding him. Sure I was in the right place in my life to be open to love (something that I worked on – lots of individual growth), but Hubby McDreamy came out of no where.

I simply know too many people that settle. The only advice I have is don’t settle. Life is too short to be with someone that isn’t right for you. A relationship shouldn’t be sooo trying. Of course you work hard at it and of course you compromise, but not to the point where you’re compromising everything. I know there’s so much societal pressure, especially for women, to find a partner have kids, etc, but that’s not a reason to settle for someone that ain’t right for ya. Better to be single and happy then with a significant other that’s wrong for you.

And I’m not going to lie and say some bullshit like there’s someone for everyone. I think love is sort of like capitalism. There are those who have and those who have not. Hey some of us are more attractive, intelligent, have more money or whatever than others. Life isn’t fair. Life doesn’t go on the time table anyone wants. Accept where you are and find happiness in the moment….which is so effing difficult.

So I consider myself blessed beyond blessed. I have a great apartment, a great job and a to-die-for husband. What did I do to deserve this? God, JC, Allah, any Messiah, the Universe only knows.

Purses

I have one good purse. My parents bought me this amazing Coach purse 2 years ago for my b-day and it’s fantastic. 2 years later and it still looks like brand new. I use it as my everyday purse – lug it to work, the gym, shopping, etc. It’s probably not wise. I’m not the type of gal who is willing to spend oodles of money on purses (maybe one day when hubby is partner). So for now I need to keep my Coach-baby in tip-top shape and perhaps store in in the closet unless I have special parties to go to.

Well, I was ecstatic to go to Target during lunch today and find a nice large black purse (great for files) for $6 on the clearance aisle. How fantastic is that? I love it! I love the price! I HEART good sales. Made a purse switch in my office!

Friday Night Elevator Terror

We’ve all heard about the infamous power outs in Cali. Well I had first hand experience on Friday night. I had just come home from the store with hubby with chicken (to make tandoori chicken) and ice cream b/c hubby is an addict. We’re rushing to the elevator so nothing melts and I want to start cooking. We get into the elevator, press the correct floor number, start moving up and then it just STOPPED. At first I was shocked, was I really stuck in an elevator? Well the power grid went down. It was over 100 degrees in the elevator. I wasn’t panic-ky b/c hubby was with me. We press the emergency button and they tells us an “elevator technician is on the way.” 30 minutes later we’re still trapped, hubby is shirtless lying down and we are sweating and dying of thirst. Starting to get a little panic-ky. We press the emergency button again and we’re told that our technician is stuck in a little good ole LA traffic. We decide we have to call 911 and try to get the fire department to help us b/c who knows when the technician will rescue us. Guess what happened? We were on hold for about 25 minutes with 911 and finally hung up out of frustration. What if we were hurt? Lesson learned, 911 is USELESS in LA. An hour later we were freed from the elevator.

The thing that pissed me off was that the apartment manager was outside the elevator and was telling us to not call 911 b/c she did not want the fire department to break her precious elevator. Stupid b*tch. I’m dying of heat and all she cared about was the cost??? She also was barking orders at us to try to pull some safety lever that opens the elevator door. Well let me tell you something, hubby and I could not pull out this safety lever. I don’t consider myself a genius but I have enough brains to know whether a button can pull out or not. Even though we explained this to her she didn’t stop yelling! When we got out of the elevator she was all attitude with us. What the f*ck?

I was PISSED – I was throwing a party the next day and all the electricity was off and I couldn’t cook. On a side note we lost power several times this weekend.

I woke up at 7:30 AM on Saturday to start cooking. I wasn’t going to let a little power outage ruin my party. The food turned out marvelous and I had a fab time.

We made an ice cream run after the music fest at the Getty to

Diddy Riese Cookies
926 Broxton AveLos Angeles, CA 90024

If you haven’t been there, you must. You can get an ice cream sandwich for $1.25, fresh cookies, you choose which kind of cookie and your ice cream flavor as well. Being gluten-free I opted for the $1.50 2 scoop sundae. YUM YUM.

The weekend ended up being terrific, filled with good food and good friends. Though I am a bit leery of taking the elevator now.

Music and Friends

What a great combination, no? Tomorrow evening, a few friends and I are going to the Getty Center for Global Delights, “The rich melodies of the Indian subcontinent combine with electronica and trip-hop for an evening of cross-cultural grooves.” I’m super excited. Plus it’s free, and free is always good. The Getty is absolutely gorgeous.

Before the music, friends are coming over for a luncheon. I love throwing parties where there’s food of course. Last night, in preparation, I made my mom’s kheer which is too die for good. The pudding becomes more of a custard consistency. I used to eat it like a fiend growing up. Of course I stopped by the Indian grocery store to pick up a few items.

This will be the menu:

Pulloa (basmati rice with goodies)
Besan Dosa
Bombay Potato Curry
Dahl
Chana Masala
Tandoori Chicken and Tofu
Kheer & Chai

I’m going straight home after work today and cook like a machine!

Shielding Myself from Tragedy

I hate to see suffering. It makes me feel utterly depressed. From large scale suffering (acts of terrorism) to individual suffering. I saw a woman at Rite Aid yesterday, she was very old and could barely walk. She was dissheveled and didn't look like she had anyone to help take care of her. I could see her struggling to pay for her items and count her bills. She looked helpless. I felt heavy for the remainder of the day at work.

I HATE it. As an adult I see myself trying to avoid suffering as much as possible. I like living in a nice neighborhood to feel safe and also to not see suffering. I don't want to see homeless people, not b/c I think I'm better, but b/c then I can't push it out of my mind as easily. The best way to approach human tragedy is to let it motivate me to make change. But it doesn't. It seems all too overwelhming. It makes me want to hide behind a gigantic gate and pretend like it doesn't exist. It isolates me and motivates me to shield my loved ones. That's just plain sad.

Cops on the Hill

I feel really bad for my attitude today. I have a hybrid and live in the Hollywood Hills. When I get to the near-top of a hill it's really hard for me to come to a full stop and then accelerate (I have no power in my hybrid -- NONE). Well we have cops that stop us to make sure we live where we do b/c there's a lot of traffic for a major tourist attraction nearby. The reason the cops stop and check for ID is b/c residents don't want tourists parking along their streets. Good reasoning. But I was annoyed as the ass of my car is slipping backwards. The young cop saw me sigh and he apologized and explained that he does this at the request of the residents. I felt mad guilty for sighing. It was hot as hell outside and the poor guy was just doing his job. I didn't have to be an attitud-ie beotch to him. Must meditate more!

July’s Book

I’m in a book club and the book that I was supposed to read for tonight is
The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle : A Novel by Haruki Murakami.

Let’s bet? I’m an avid reader, but did I read this book? I was so busy I never even picked it up. How horrible is that?

I still have to go to the meeting and shamefully admit that I didn’t read one damn page and I had an entire month. Boy this sucks.

This month I am going to post the damn book of the month on my blog and hopefully that will remind me to read the book!!

Gluten Allergy

I did something idiotic yesterday – ate gluten. I feel horrible today. I was sick to my stomach all yesterday. I woke up feeling sick today. This is the way I felt for years when I didn’t know that I had this horrible allergy.

You just never know where gluten is hiding. I made a fruit and yogurt parfait and didn’t realize that the organic granola I bought had tons of wheat in it. I should have been wiser and checked the label!

Now I feel all icky at work.

Portabello Mushroom Taco

This is delicious and easy. It's my new favorite easy dinner.

Take 2 corn tortillas and pan "fry" in a non-stick pan. Once they crisp up, fold each corn tortilla so it looks like a taco shell.

In non-stick pan cook onions until golden, add as much garlic as you like and one green pepper and cook for a few minutes. Then add 1 portabello mushroom diced up. Cook until mushroom softens and then add few tablespoons of hot salsa and finally a handful of your favorite cheese.

Stuff taco shell with mushroom concotion and enjoy with a side of vegies or nachos.

I swear it takes less than 15 minutes and is tastie as hell.

Bengali Chick in the House

Okay so a friend of mine, clever girl that she is, pointed out to me that people IRL can find me b/c like a dope I've used my hubby's name and my nickname on the blog/posts. CRAP-O-LA. I've tried to contain the problem by editing posts. We live in LA -- the land of weirdos and I don't want someone finding me if I don't want to be found. So from now on I'm "Bengali Chick." Friends who know me, don't be weirded out when you see comments on your blog from Bengali Chick (it's me).

Effed Up Things/People

LAPD
The LAPD suck balls. Hubby was at 24Hour Fitness playing some b-ball. He made a legitimate foul for the last shot of the game. This a-hole was so angry that he picked up my hubby 4 feet off the ground and dropped him. Luckily he is fine and didn’t break his neck. Effing a-hole. I was so unbelievably angry – you simply don’t F*CK with my husband or you will feel 200+% of my wrath. Hubby thinks the perp was having steroid rage.

We go to the LAPD and they literally dismiss us. They didn’t give a sh*t. I know that LA is crime ridden – but what the f*ck that was a battery! We filed charges and ended up dropping them b/c the perp would get our name, addy and telephone number. That’s wonderful isn’t? That’s a damn good policy. I can’t even talk about this anymore – I’m just bitter.

Pervert
I went to an awesome training seminar that my agency paid for. The problem was that the seminar leader was too flirty. He kept telling me how stunning I was – in front of the class mind you. The man wouldn’t stop. It got the point where I felt uncomfortable. He called my office today and apologized (he didn’t realize I was married). So what? It’s effing unprofessional.

Trainer
Personal trainer is a bizonotch. She told me she was SHOCKED how I can have so much body fat. I don’t believe her. I’m under a 110 lbs and am 5’5” and I effing work out – meaning strength training. She was mean to me. She also bashed other clients of hers during our session and made some nasty remark about skinny girls. Stupid b*tch.

Mid-Week Gym Review – Waking up AM

Monday started off good – hubby and I ran side by side on the treadmill. Of course I was running/walking and praying for it to be over while hubby was in the zone running at the max treadmill speed of 9.5 or 10 miles per hour (yeah – can’t compete with a former Division 1 track star). Oh well. Tuesday I worked out and did strength training (my entire body is sore today). Today – well today I sucked. The plan was to get up at 5:15 and be at the gym by 6 AM to do some serious Spinning. I watched a movie last night with hubby and we cuddled and it was great but we ended up going to bed a bit later than I had planned. This morning when my alarm went off at 5 AM I ended up turning it off instead of snoozing. So, yeah the gym never happened. I’m pissed with myself. I made a plan and I didn’t stick to it – I HATE that. Effing A. Tonight I’m going out with chica to see a show and I have to go home first and take a shower (b/c I’m disgusting – I literally rolled out of bed, ponytail, brushed teeth and ran out the door). I can’t believe I’m at work looking like this – it should be illegal.

The Plan for the remainder of the week:
Thursday: Cardio
Friday: Pilates and meet with trainer (Pilates only offered at 4:30 PM – need to go for abs)
Saturday or Sunday: Yoga

I WANT to be at the gym at 6 AM – this is the problem – a few nights a week I have plans whether it’s social or business for hubby. We don’t get home until 10ish and then there’s sex and all that good stuff and then bed. I know that when hubby starts working he works late and we usually go out for dinner and I don’t want to miss out seeing him (he works mad hours and my time with him is precious). My body doesn’t want to get up and go to the gym at 6 AM when I’m sleep-deprived w/o coffe and I don’t want to gulp down a shot of espresso while I’m driving to the gym. But at the same time I WANT to be at the gym at 6 AM. The problem is effing Americans work to effing much. But I HEART my job (not management) but my job.

Yes I know, stop bitching about my over-privileged existence .

I am effing angry

My bf (best friend) text messages early this morning (she’s in Manhattan). This catches me off guard b/c she’s usually at work at this time. I check the mssg which says, “I’m at the hospital – passed out in the subway.” At this point I’m in panic mode – how does my healthy 26 year-old bf end up in the hospital. I called her right away and spent the morning on the phone with her while she’s in the hospital. We still don’t know what’s wrong with her but she’s okay for now. So here’s the problem – her effing boyfriend. I don’t care that he’s a doctor or at work – he should have at least stayed on the phone with her. How effing scary is it to have to ride an ambulance and be stuck in some ghetto hospital by yourself, especially when you don’t have any family in Manhattan? Effing a**hole. He wasn’t even nice to her on the phone – he was mean to her. I hate him. My husband has been calling me periodically this morning to make sure my bf is doing okay – he even asked me if he should purchase a ticket to NYC (now that’s a man).

The Gym @ 6 AM

Roonie and I had a plan to wake up and be at the gym at 6 AM for some serious Spinning. I wake up at 5:15 AM exhausted mind you (not that I understand why I was in bed by 8:45 AM). I see her text mssg – she can’t make it to the gym. My reaction -- sheer joy – now I can sleep in until 7:30 AM. I should have gotten up and gone on my own. But I lack motivation – lack serious motivation. I will only show up at the gym at 6 AM only if I know a friend is there waiting for me. I’m so pitiful. I’m going tonight. We’ve been on a winning streak of going to the gym a minimum of 4 days a week. I see my body getting strong. Must not let the motivation die. Yes I’m obsessed – sue me.

Tired from the weekend activities

So hubby and I volunteered at Artwallah this weekend and it was tons of fun. My girl C joined in and she's super cool. I met her from my bookclub. You know someone is supercool when you can hang with them all day and they totally don't get on your nerves. She was just mad mellow and chill and rolled with the punches. She never even got irritated all day. Mad love to C. Back to Artwallah -- we showed up for volunteering at 7:30 AM and stayed there all day. Granted we took breaks throughout the day to get inebriated (@ one point C and I were getting boozed up during the evening show). My favoite performer was Falu -- her music is ridiculously off the hook and I have a serious girl crush on her. When she's performing you can tell that she's really into her music and into the groove -- I can't wait to buy her album. C, Hubby and I went to the afterparty but C and I were pretty wasted at this time (maybe I should stop projecting I was mad wasted at this time -- yes 2.5 drinks will get me boozed up). So we left pretty quickly b/c I needed to sleep.

I forgot to add that I ran into a fellow blogger @ Artwallah named Taz -- I read her blog pretty faithfully and she recognized me b/c the dress I wore was one that I posted on my blog. How effing small is the world??? Crazy, no? More importantly she seemed mad liberal which is very cool. All the desis I know are super conservative and quasi-lame -- I'm not running in the right circles. I didn't get a chance to hang with her much unfortunately, but hopefully next time!

Today we had Nigerian food at Veronica's Kitchen with a very fun lovin couple (one was Nigerian and the other was a Southern gal) -- I love seeing that kind of love that steps beyond prejuidice -- god bless love. The food was mad authentic according to our friend and tastey!!! Hubby and I were both in the most intense kind of food coma you can believe.

Now I'm off to bed -- to catch some z's and maybe something more.....

Over-extending myself?

I am straddling the fine line between enjoying life to the fullest and over-extending myself.

*Work: crazy – 40 open cases (putting in mad over time hours)
*Gym: 4 times a week minimum going for at least an hour (live in freaking West LA -- must look good)
*Volunteering: Los Angeles Indian Film Festival (mad work – but I love it – it is consuming my evenings). Signed up to volunteer @ Artwallah this week too (oh jeez)
*Book Club: Haven’t even touched the book I’m supposed to read (but the girls in the club are fab)
*Class: Taking classes for certification in my area of expertise @ UPenn which my agency is paying for (I haven’t even started studying but this will be amazing for my career)
*Social Life: I HEART my friends and I make time to see them and the evenings get eaten up (but I don’t want to not see them).
*Housework: cleaning, cooking, Oy!
*Hubby: nurture, cherish and have sex with

Am I psycho? I freaking hate being one of those people that now needs to look at their planner first before making plans so I don't double book myself.

Work is the problem -- it consumes too many of my precious hours. I'd make a fantastic house-wife (lunch with the girls, my volunteering activities) -- hmm.. now this is sounding appealing.

I think I love LA

I'm quasi-drunk while I'm writing this blog -- so apologies in advance for the typos. I went out to a wine bar in Pasadena and it was fabulous. I have met so many cool people here -- very diverse and it rocks. I was at the wine bar with amazing friends from all walks of life. I really feel like I'm getting settled.... and it feels good.

So hello all the lovelies I have met here in LA -- you've made it feel like home. Now I gots to get my ass to bed as I'm meeting the Roonie-meister for pilates at 6 freaking a.m. -- this girl is keeping me in check.

Lots of love!