That Genie, She Doesn't Play

I started feeling a little guilty, about wanting balance and chilling.  I could feel my masculine energy trying to get out of balance with the feminine, constantly to be in the "doing."  I kept thinking:  so many moms of 3 kids work FT and they can totally do it, why don't I just join them?  Well, who cares why anyone else does it, it's none of my business!  Maybe they have no choice!  Maybe they're also imbalanced and constantly in the doing!  Who the eff knows.  But we live in a society that promotes -- do it, move it, don't stop, achieve, produce, etc.

So the universe decided to get funny with me.  My day yesterday sucked balls, the entire day was a mad rush:

• Work 8-5 am
• Shop for grocery's at TJ's from 5-6:15 pm with kids
• Make dinner, give kids a bath from 6:15-7:30 pm
• Yoga from 7:45 - 9:15 pm
• Kids to bed 9:15 to 9:30 pm
• Work from 9:30 pm to 2:30ish am

Today I woke up at 7 am to prepare for a work meeting (I'm not into being a supervisor for a huge project right now) and then tomorrow I have to drive from LA to San Diego for a work conference.  My husband has been coming home around 1:30 am from late nights of corporate work.

So much doing, doing, doing and not enough living, reflecting and growing.  I hardly enjoyed my precious children.  The only time I was able to be "present" was during yoga b/c my teacher rocked and kept reminding us, "yoga is not about doing and working, so much healing happens when you let go and relax."

So today, I have no guilt.  I'm married to a man who 250% love his job and adores working insane hours.  I don't.  He's on his own life path, that's him and not me.  I am certain that I need more balance to my life.  I no longer have any qualms about requesting 20 hours of part-time work after my son (baby #3) arrives at the end of May or resigning if part-time is not an option.  I opt out of the rat race.  Thank you divine consciousness for always supporting me.

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