Connection & Choices

My friend T is beautiful. She is selfless in a way that is inspiring. I was glad that we took the time to have dinner tonight at Real Food Daily. She has a very close relationship with her family (mom, dad and brother). She decided early on that her family is the number one priority in her life. She has never forgotten her family’s love and generosity as that is always in her heart. T inspires me.

I told her that while I love my family my relationship with them isn’t close-knit anymore. I talk to my parents once a week if it’s a good week and maybe once a month with my brother. I had every excuse in the book: my parents and I have nothing in common, it can be awkward and strained, my mom can be negative, everyone is busy… ya da ya da ya da. Talking with T, I realized that it doesn’t matter what my excuses are, I can make the effort to have an authentic relationship with my family.

I told T that during the holidays I was chilling with my brother and things were different. He’s met a girl and told me that he may want to marry her. He was different. He’s changed. Things were awkward. It wasn’t like old times -- taking drives in CT smoking cigs, listening to music and just feeling connected. I don’t love my brother less but my relationship is different. I was hurt that while I was in the Bay I had to reach out to him and that he didn’t try to reach out to me. T explained that it doesn’t matter if he or my parents never reciprocate or give back what I give them b/c what matters is my effort.

When I die, I want to go with a clear conscience that I tried my entire life to build a strong relationship with my family. A realization hit me that I could start that today. So, I called my home at 11 pm on my drive home from Santa Monica to talk to my mom. At first our conversation was awkward and then it became easy. My dad is in the hospital, I just found out tonight from my mom. I’m going to pick up the phone first thing tomorrow and call him and tell him I love him. I don’t want him to die and have regrets.

UPDATE: Talked to dad, hells yes, no effing cancer!!!! he thinks.

As T said eloquently, you’ll never get another family, don’t take it for granted. I love you mom, dad & A.