Reflections: The Marriage Type?

I’ll have been married for almost 2 years on 9/8/2006. And it’s shocking (in a very good way of course). Last night hubby and I watched a movie and the hubby in the movie was killed and wife was very distraught. After watching the movie I was very emotional. I looked at my hubby and thought, “my God I adore this man, I don’t even know what life was like before him.” Of course I got a little teary eyed b/c I can cry over anything!

It shocks me that someone in this world is so important to me that if something happened to hubby it would turn my life upside down. I simply can’t imagine it. I wouldn’t know what to do. How did I get here?

A quick trip down memory lane…. I have always been surrounded by good friends, I mean amazing friends. The kind you can hang with all day and spill your guts too. There was a period of time where I was anti-love, anti-marriage, and wholly pro-single. Looking back, were my friends really that surprised when I was one of the first if not the first to get married? I don’t think so. I’ve always coveted close, nourishing relationships. I was, or strived to be quirkyalone.

Quirkyalones are people who resist the tyranny of coupledom. Oddly enough, we quirkyalones also tend to be romantics. We resist the tyranny of coupledom because we would prefer to be open to the possibilities that life has to offer than be in an unsatisfying relationship. That is, to date for the sake of dating, or be in a relationship for the sake of being part of a couple.

Quirkyalone is not anti-love. It is pro-love. It is not anti-dating. It is anti-compulsory dating. It's an embrace of all kinds of love. Although we quirkyalones enjoy solitude, and sometimes even need and crave it, we are NOT loners. We typically have a strong network of friends. Most of us place a high premium on friendship. We've even been known to bring our friends on dates!

This isn’t to say I didn’t enjoy being single. I loved being with my friends and celebrating our single-dom. If this makes any sense, being single wasn’t worse for me but being married is better.

While I do believe that I essentially am the marriage-type, I don’t consider myself the settling-type. I didn’t settle. I waited until I figured myself out. I wanted to be with someone who’s love made me a better person, someone who inspired me, someone that makes me better than I think I can be. And hubby is all that and so much more. I kid you not when I say, I can’t imagine a better man. He is my Attorney McDreamy. In sum, I got lucky in finding him. Sure I was in the right place in my life to be open to love (something that I worked on – lots of individual growth), but Hubby McDreamy came out of no where.

I simply know too many people that settle. The only advice I have is don’t settle. Life is too short to be with someone that isn’t right for you. A relationship shouldn’t be sooo trying. Of course you work hard at it and of course you compromise, but not to the point where you’re compromising everything. I know there’s so much societal pressure, especially for women, to find a partner have kids, etc, but that’s not a reason to settle for someone that ain’t right for ya. Better to be single and happy then with a significant other that’s wrong for you.

And I’m not going to lie and say some bullshit like there’s someone for everyone. I think love is sort of like capitalism. There are those who have and those who have not. Hey some of us are more attractive, intelligent, have more money or whatever than others. Life isn’t fair. Life doesn’t go on the time table anyone wants. Accept where you are and find happiness in the moment….which is so effing difficult.

So I consider myself blessed beyond blessed. I have a great apartment, a great job and a to-die-for husband. What did I do to deserve this? God, JC, Allah, any Messiah, the Universe only knows.