Crying = Vulnerability

I do believe that every emotion we have is for a reason. To be authentic, I think it’s pivotal that I allow myself to experience my emotions. Here’s an excerpt from a website on this subject:

Engage and experience your emotions. Allow them to be present while playing out your thought processes. Don’t hide them or reframe them away. Once you allow your emotions to express themselves out in your thinking, then you will have the release to think about what’s next. Do not skip the negative, allow yourself to experience negative. Be with it for awhile, it is meant to be there. Then you can move authentically from the negative to the positive. This is the natural way of doing things.

I do not think that all emotions are authentic. Anger can easily be a secondary emotion masking a primary emotion such as feelings of hurt. Personally, I believe masking is a learned behavior. Eons before hubby, I was in a horrible relationship; the kind of relationship that destroyed my spirit. I became scared to be vulnerable. I learned to hide my true emotions by masking them with anger. If I was hurt in anyway, I would turn to my best-friend, anger, and make ad hominem attacks or snarkie comments and then avoid. Yup, my modus operandi. I stopped crying or feeling sad and started using my tongue as a weapon of snarkism. I thought I was empowered.

Through good friends and a transcontinental move, I became whole again. Still, when my feelings get hurt I usually get snarkie. Not anymore though, I’m proud to say that I am official crier. Last night I picked up hubby’s take-out. I forgot his receipt which is important for him in order to keep track of business expenses. We called the restaurant and they agreed to mail us the receipt; however, he was still irritated with me. I felt hurt that something so minor could cause him to be irritated with me. I had rushed home to see my husband, expecting to kiss/hug/snuggle him and my little bubble was burst. Hubby never yells at me, but he had that face, that “I’m irritated” face. I wanted the “lovey-dovey” face. I sat there eating my masala dosa with tears swelling up in my eyes. Hubby melted and felt horrible. He acknowledged that working these crazy hours makes him cranky.

Getting to the point of my story: I didn’t get mad! I didn’t even feel anger. I felt my primary emotion. This has been happening for almost a week now. Do you know how siked I am? I feel like I am shedding many layers, getting closer to a more authentic and happy me. Rock on law of attraction!