I met West Coast Mommy (WCM) for lunch at Cheesecake Factory. I also go to meet her friend S. They were both cool chicks.
Leaving lunch my head is full and I’m still trying to digest our conversation. Lunch was great; conversation was free flowing and most importantly authentic. WCM & S are in their early 30’s – both seemed very comfortable with themselves, their lives and with their identity. In comparison, I felt like a younger-sister, full of questions, questions & questions.
We talked about single-hood to motherhood with of course things in between. I don’t have many friends who are moms. Hell, I’m the first of my friends to be married. But these women were so comfortable with motherhood. It was calming and yet unnerving. One thing that was said struck me, “I don’t feel like I’m giving anything up in terms of going out or my social life [paraphrasing].” How do I feel about that? I don’t know. A good part of my identity is being very social – not getting crunked every night – but going to local music venues, cafes, festivals, ya da ya da ya da. Am I willing to give up the freedom to pursue my interests, my agenda and not care about being selfish? Does being a mother means I have to lose part of my identity, or in some sense, stop the self-discovery process?
Maybe I don’t, maybe it’s just a delicate balance where I define my own comfort zone. I’m also a thinker, healer, writer, planner, confused, and self-absorbed among other things… and part of the problem is over-analyzing this issue to death. I don’t believe all the planning/over-analyzing/late-night conversations will prepare me for motherhood.
So, do I know if I’m ready to be a mom? I don’t really know what that means. But I am ready & willing to adjust/alter my life to achieve balance between family life and other elements of my life that define me.
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I find you to be a f*cking cunt. I hope there is a special place in hell for a b*tch like you. You never deserved to have children. Here ...
6 comments:
the overanalyzing is part of your charm!
I had a great time at lunch and think you are a very smart woman. You'll figure out how to balance everything when the time comes.
Me too:) Next time we'll have to do it with the hubbies.
there's a fine line btw genius and crazy, just as there is between insightful and overalytical. it's all a matter of perspective.
don't worry so much about the right time to have babies will be - you'll know it when it comes and trust me, cool chicks become cool moms toting there kids to coffee shops, concerts, galleries whatever- long gone are the days of fuddy duddy mommy!!
thanks for the fun lunch - and more than that - for indoctrinating me into bloggerland.
S- Same here! You're in West La, my hood -- so I really hope we get to hang out soon!
I wish I was there. you guys are so lucky.
and about the right time, I used to think I needed to have my retirement planning set, mutual funds, a house, all that before I was capable of having children, but it just happened. You'll never be ready for it, but once it happens to you, you can't imagine you lived life without them and waited this long.
I will admit, that I started crying the first time I brought my son home. Not out of happiness, but out of fear that I wouldn't be able to keep him alive. Up until then, I couldn't even keep a plant alive, all the plants in my house are faux. I thought I had made a big mistake deciding to become a mother and have a baby, but that was the PPD talking, and then my mom came and helped me out and I ended up doing a pretty good job of keeping them alive.
I wish you were here too!!!
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